How often do we exclaim: “It is impossible to understand this person - he behaves inappropriately!” or we remember a friend: “After talking with her, I feel broken ...” Our psyche is structured like this: the first thing she does is try to find an excuse from a set of things and phenomena she knows. It turns out whole list: bad upbringing or character, “he’s just a bore, what can you do”, “she is a great original” ... When such manifestations become more peculiar, we ask ourselves - maybe it’s not about character, and this is scientific explanation? Indeed, the reason inappropriate behavior may be psychological trauma which the person has received early childhood. As a rule, he is not aware of it, but it affects behavior in adulthood. Consider the three most common types: toxic, neurotic and dependent person.

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Photo gallery: Inappropriate behavior as a result of psychological trauma

NEGATIVE AND PROVOCATION
Often we are faced with a situation where some acquaintance (or even a stranger) dumps on us a stream of completely unnecessary to us, and sometimes simply negative information. Imagine, you come to a beauty salon to get a new haircut, and the master, while working, begins to tell you about how everything in his life is bad: the children do not want to study, and the husband earns little, and the dog spoils the furniture ... You sit, you agree, but you yourself think when this verbal flood will end. And after you leave the salon, you feel squeezed out like a lemon, although before going to the hairdresser you were in a cheerful and cheerful mood.

Who is in front of you?

This type is characterized by generalized names: a toxic personality or a psychological "vampire". characteristic feature- you feel a strong energy weakness. When communicating, you understand that he is not interested in you - anyone could be in your place. Toxic people only talk about themselves and never listen to the opinions of others. They are never, nothing and no one satisfies. They criticize, judge, gossip, or need your help, and more often than not, urgently. Often they seem to “roll” over others, humiliating and insulting along the way. At the same time, they do it as if nothing had happened - from their point of view, within the framework of secular conversation.

So, one friend always says at a meeting: “You look tired ... Your skin is bad, gray color. Didn't get enough rest? And you can’t get rid of dandruff, right?” It is clear that the mood after such a “compliment” disappears, as balloon, accidentally released by a child ... Many, seeing this woman, cross to the other side of the street. But you can feel sorry for her: unenviable appearance, inability to dress beautifully, dissatisfaction with work (instead of the career of a singer, which she dreamed of, the position of a nurse) and personal life. It seems that she is constantly afraid that she will be asked why she no longer sings and why her husband left her? That's why he attacks first. The method of toxic people is a provocation to negative emotions.

Why did they become like this?
They have the wrong set of behavior in society, and the roots of the problem should be looked for in childhood. "Toxicity" can be the result of a person's internal troubles - he sees a dirty trick everywhere, relaxes with difficulty and never opens up to others. He takes a defensive position in relation to others, but often attacks first.

How do you behave?
If it's a colleague, keep your distance. Does he complain to you about another employee? Say, "You'd better take this to your boss" or "Maybe you should see a psychologist?" It is unlikely that he will do this (remember that they only hear themselves - they are not interested in your opinion), but this way you will save yourself from negative impact. Speak politely and smile - this is the last thing a toxic person expects. Ideally, you should not let such a person into your life. If he calls often, don't pick up the phone. Having launched into explanations why you do not want to communicate, he will still get what he needs - your reaction. Don't become a victim by arguing with him. If his hairpins don't cause an effect, he will soon stop provoking you.

LOVE DEMAND
"Mom," a 5-year-old girl addresses her mother, "can I play in the sandbox?" - "No, you can get your dress dirty." - "Can I play with the children in the yard?" "No, I don't want you to become ill-mannered like them." - "Can I have ice cream?" - "No, you can catch a cold in your throat." - "Will I play with this puppy?" - "No, he might have worms." At the end of this dialogue, the child begins to cry, and the mother, turning to a friend, with whom she was talking enthusiastically all this time and simultaneously answering her daughter’s questions: “I have such a nervous girl! I can’t stand her constant whims anymore!”

Who is in front of you?

neurotic personality. In the past, people like this mom were called "too demanding," "overly suspicious," and "anxious." At the heart of neurosis lies an internal conflict.

Sigmund Freud believed that here lies the struggle of the repressed (instincts) and repressing forces (culture, morality). And neo-Freudian Karen Horney believed that "neurosis arises only if this conflict gives rise to anxiety." A neurotic personality is always trying to attract attention to itself - with tantrums (hysterical neurosis), fears and phobias (anxious-phobic), weakness (neurasthenia).

Why did they become like this?
Neurotic people look for problems, not solutions, discuss difficulties, find new obstacles. Anxiety makes you worry about loved ones, while limiting their actions. At the core is the feeling that others are inattentive to them and do not understand them at all. It is believed that a neurotic person received psychological trauma in early childhood, which she could not cope with, and, due to helplessness, reacted with increased anxiety. The desire to be accepted by others drives her into adulthood.

How do you behave?
The demand for love that we may feel has nothing to do with you. A neurotic personality projects onto you the image of one of the parents, whose attention she lacked. Therefore, your love will never be enough for her. Sometimes you will have the impression that after talking with her you are very tired, or become aggressive for no apparent reason. This is a sign that you need to take care of yourself now. “Give out” attention in a dosed manner - your resources will not be enough for a long time.

REGARDLESS
It was very difficult for a woman to communicate with her older sister all her life - there is a 10-year difference between them. The first has a family: husband and children. The elder sister is divorced and lives separately. And every evening she calls the younger one to consult on certain issues. Moreover, she does not ask for a recommendation directly, but rather asks a question and waits for someone to tell her what to do - from what to buy in the store to whether it is necessary to meet new customers about whom the youngest knows nothing ...

Who is in front of you?
Dependent person. Their basic need is to shift most of the decisions and responsibility for their lives onto others. They constantly hesitate when it comes to giving an opinion, they can't accept final decision even when it's obvious. It seems to them that they will still make a mistake or choose the wrong one. They live with a feeling of emptiness, so if such a person breaks up with a partner, he will certainly need to fill it with someone or something else.

Why did they become like this?
At the heart of this is the psychological trauma that they most likely received in early childhood. The parents of the dependent person probably separated and, without explaining to the child what happened, left him to himself. In fact, he was left alone, and loneliness for a baby is tantamount to death. Therefore, in adulthood, he is also driven by the fear of global loneliness and the need to make decisions on his own ... Just like in childhood, when none of the adults were around.

How do you behave?
If your relative or girlfriend fits this description, then you already know what is happening to them and what could have preceded this. Be attentive to such a person, but defend personal boundaries - the addict easily breaks them. Do not go on about - reduce advice to a minimum, do not let shift all responsibility on you. You will not replace your parents for him, but instead of your life you will live someone else's.

In our Everyday life You can often hear the phrase "inappropriate behavior." We tend to associate this phrase with behavior that is different from what we consider normal. What should be our reaction to inappropriate behavior: sound the alarm or wait for everything to go away on its own?
The main thing you need to know is that inappropriate behavior can occur in a person with emerging or already existing mental illnesses.

Options for inappropriate behavior

Unmotivated outbursts of aggression

Aggressiveness is the most common manifestation in its various forms. This can be manifested by extreme irritability, when a person “takes out evil” on loved ones, or by excessive conflict. In extreme cases, it comes to assault and antisocial behavior.

Aggression can lead to the destruction of personality, relationships with loved ones and friends. Teenagers are very susceptible to attacks of aggression. AT individual cases, they seem to provoke adults to scandals. This is a manifestation of unhealthy aggression, indicating mental ill-being, possibly depression. In this situation it is important correct behavior adults, expressed in sufficient attention to the problems of a teenager, as well as timely seeking qualified help. This will help prevent the development of pathological changes in the psyche and preserve the personality of a person.

Rave

Inappropriate behavior also refers to various delusional ideas. In the presence of delirium, a person does not always express it, but changes in his behavior can signal a mental disorder. This may manifest itself in soft forms, for example, when it seems to a person that behind his back other people condemn him. In this case, he can break off all contacts with people who fall under suspicion, without explaining the reasons. There are more serious signs, for example, if a person stops driving a car because it seems to him that the car was damaged by intruders. He may stop using his computer and telephone for fear of being tapped by the security services.
You should also be wary of a sudden and inexplicable passion for mysticism, extrasensory perception or religion. This may be a sign or hallucinations, about which the patient prefers to remain silent. Pathological passion for mysticism and religion differs from the thinking and behavior of ordinary believers. The patient's thoughts constantly return to delusional ideas, he begins to plan some actions related to the content of the delusion. This is a state of psychosis that needs to be urgently treated in!

Do not underestimate the danger of delusion. A sick person can be dangerous: he can defend himself from imaginary persecutors or personify “demons” in someone. For example, the murder of the priest Father Adelheim was committed by a man in a state of psychosis.

hallucinations

With auditory hallucinations, the sick person can speak, whisper something in the absence of an interlocutor, laugh for no reason, listen. The voices in auditory hallucinations are in most cases unfamiliar, but sometimes they are perceived as the voices of relatives or friends. Appearing can push the sick person to search for an explanation of the phenomenon through religious or mystical teachings.

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If you suspect that a person has delusions or hallucinations, you should seek medical advice as soon as possible. medical care. It should be remembered that in the case of early treatment to a psychiatrist, the disease is much better treated.
You can consult on the symptoms of the disease at the Mental Health Clinic remotely, by phone or by calling +7 499 793-45-15.

Many people on early stages mental disorders are afraid to go to a psychiatric clinic. This is due to the negative image of this area of ​​medicine, which is surrounded by numerous myths. In addition, so far mental illness are considered something shameful, which is not customary to talk about.
In fact, according to statistics, every seventh person on the planet suffers or has suffered mental disorder, and psychiatry has become a modern and rapidly developing branch of medicine.

We know how to help you!

In disputes between people almost everywhere you can hear the term "adequacy". Each participant in the dispute tries as actively as possible to doubt this quality of the opponent, shaking his incredible adequacy in front of him. Does this mysterious property have crucial in every person's life? Unfortunately, most people who use this term themselves have difficulty understanding what adequacy is.

Adequacy is just a correspondence to something. That is, a person can be adequate or inadequate with respect to something, it is wrong to use this word by itself. It follows from this that adequacy is a relative concept.

Adequacy assessment

How to understand what is appropriate and what is not? No one wants to be labeled as "inadequate", because this label can completely change the attitude of others towards your person. Often, adequacy is understood as a banal compliance with generally accepted norms of morality and behavior. Moreover, actions that are adequate in one situation may be inadequate in another. In most cases, this concept is simply a subjective point of view of a person on how others should think and behave. Therefore, if someone accuses you of inadequacy, this is not a reason for panic at all, perhaps this person simply did not like you.

Of course, there are generally accepted values ​​and norms of morality, the discrepancy with which is considered terrifying savagery. But do not forget about your own values, because the majority is often mistaken. Yes, and a person who builds his life according to the principle "everything is like people's" is difficult to name. conscious person, although he does not hold adequacy. Therefore, do what you think is necessary, others will evaluate your adequacy.

extremes

Of course, sometimes there are extreme cases of inadequacy. For example, when a person's behavior is completely outside the generally accepted framework, it becomes frankly dangerous and abnormal.

In most cases, this indicates mental abnormalities and sooner or later leads an overly unusual subject to a hospital. There are also opposite cases, when the poor fellow knows too well what adequacy is, trying to strictly comply with its harsh framework. The opinion of this person is fully consistent with generally accepted norms, they completely shape him inner world leaving no room for your own conclusions.

Age appropriateness

Age appropriateness is equally important in modern society than the presence of values ​​and guidelines that are understandable and accepted by the society. An adult acting like a child can look extremely strange. If the child behaves like an adult, then people find it funny or cute, but they don’t take him seriously.

A pitiful impression is made by adults communicating in teenage slang, or old people trying to look youthful.

There is a time for everything, do not forget what adequacy is, trying to become what you are not. To the younger generation must be remembered that they adulthood more will come and they will remember with envy the bygone childhood years.

People of the older generation, on the contrary, should not forget that childhood has already passed and there is no way to return to it, so it is worth accepting all the complexity and responsibility of adult life.

The value of adequacy

Be that as it may, full compliance social norms leaves no space for own opinion. Therefore, it is pointless to pursue the notorious adequacy, it is better to listen to yourself and enjoy life. After all, what is adequacy? Just conforming to someone's idea of ​​what is right and what is wrong. By doing what others do, you will inevitably become like them, completely losing your own individuality.

You should not prove your adequacy to someone or, conversely, try to impress someone with your inadequacy, trying to show yourself as an outstanding person. Being yourself, acting as your own mind suggests, and not ephemeral "universal" norms of behavior - this is what shows the maturity and adequacy of the individual. Of course, there will always be people who seek to reproach others for inadequacy and impose their own worldview. But how can their pitiful attempts knock them off the right way a strong, independent personality?

In life, people often face stressful situations that have a bad effect on their behavior. Some of these situations are temporary, while others can last for a long time, causing negative consequences.

Stressful situations can leave an imprint on a person's behavior for life, for example, an unhappy childhood. Loss loved one, divorce can seriously change behavior for a while, but after that most people come to their senses. The main sources of inappropriate behavior:

external circumstances.

Inner or emotional state.

External circumstances

Most people succeed when they feel that the situation is under control, and sometimes they can even foresee this or that development of events. In this case, events are perceived as a challenge requiring action. But behavior can change drastically if a person does not get everything the way he wanted. The main reasons for this:

everyday stress

Stress is a state where everything is out of control and seems unpredictable. Usually stress is caused by:

Difficulties at work. The discrepancy between individual skills and requirements causes a feeling of inferiority that depresses a person.

Family and personal problems. Health problems, a stormy romance or a family tragedy completely take over a person. He cannot think of anything else, concentrating his attention only on these problems.

Too many responsibilities. The need to meet standards, the tight deadlines for completing the task make people take on too many responsibilities. Fear that it is impossible to achieve what you want is bad for behavior.

We all react differently to the same stressful situations, but stressful situations affect all people in the same way.

Psychological trauma

Involvement in an incident, guilt or a threat to life can cause one type of stress - psychological trauma. The reaction to this situation is different, but basically people behave the same way. There can be three phases of behavior:

1. At first, the person gets upset and feels bad.

2. Then he becomes passive, does not want to do anything, but follows orders.

3. Then he becomes irritable, preoccupied and cannot concentrate, as a result of which he has a strong emotional reaction.

People differ from each other in that they come to their senses after an injury in different ways. Some recover quickly, while others do not; some recover completely, while others have a psychological trauma that leaves an imprint for the rest of their lives. You will be able to understand the behavior of another person and begin to treat him more condescendingly if you know about the psychological trauma he has suffered in the past.

Alcohol and drugs

Alcohol and drugs can seriously affect a person's behavior. Usually they are resorted to in order to cope with adverse circumstances. Under the influence of alcohol and drugs, it seems to a person that he experiences problems more easily. In some cases, they suppress the negative reaction and temporarily relieve the worries due to problems, and in some cases they stimulate vitality and add confidence.

Solving problems with the help of alcohol or drugs is associated with a Russian nesting doll: you open one doll - you see the next one, and so on. Each previous problem is directly related to the next one, but does not explain it. It is necessary to open the second, sixth, tenth to find out the reason.

internal state

Psychological condition people largely depends on their inner mood due to physical and chemical changes in the body. Often stress causes anxiety and depression.

Anxiety. Most people in threatening or stressful situations feel anxious and tense. This is normal reaction. But if someone feels anxiety in situations that others can easily cope with, then it is necessary to pay attention to this, because this is already a real problem.

People who are constantly feeling anxious are always in a tense state. Most time they feel bad, fear stressful situations. Concern about all sorts of problems does not allow you to concentrate and make some kind of decision. Such people often ask themselves questions: “Could I have foreseen the consequences?”, “Did I turn off the light in the bathroom?”

Although there is a reason for this behavior ( negative experience in the past, mental discomfort that prevents blocking feelings of anxiety when inadequate response to what is happening), it is necessary to understand that, although a person tries to control him, he does not succeed.

Depression. Few of us can live our whole life in peace, without thinking about anything. There is nothing surprising in the fact that we feel despair or become depressed, sad because of events that upset or disturb us. But sometimes depression becomes chronic due to the fact that a person long time is in a tense situation and cannot do anything or simply cannot control his emotions. It turns out vicious circle: a person cannot get out of depression and from this becomes even more depressed. In this state it is impossible to concentrate, it seems that you are not able to change anything, that there is no future. All persuasions and requests "stop thinking like that, discard bad thoughts and start acting” remain ineffective. All that can be done for such people is to treat them with understanding and compassion.

Signs of inappropriate behavior

First you need to find out the causes of an inadequate state, to recognize the signs that signal that a person has a problem.

In order to understand that a person is behaving unusually, it is necessary to know what his behavior is normally. If a person does not look like himself for a long time, then this is a sign that he is not all right. Such warning signals can be, for example:

Being late for work before a completely punctual person;

Indifference to everything usually cheerful and energetic person;

Manifestations of irritability for any reason before a completely balanced personality;

Untidy appearance usually an immaculate-looking person;

Unusual forgetfulness and neglect of details in a person who is scrupulous to the smallest detail;

Absent-mindedness and confusion in a well-organized personality;

Anxiety and sadness in a carefree and cheerful person.

All listed features signal personal problems that are usually temporary, but in some cases can develop into permanent ones. Such changes are more often interpreted as a loss of interest in work or laziness. But such an interpretation of the signs that signal stress does not allow us to understand the true causes of behavior change.

Passion for alcohol

Signs of addiction to alcohol are not so easy to notice, because the behavior of a person under the influence of alcohol is not always different from the usual. But there are some signs you need to pay attention to, namely:

Unpredictable and inconsistent activity: one day a person works actively and efficiently, the next - just wasting time.

He often has unexplained "accidents";

He often has incomprehensible mood changes: today he is in good mood, sociable, joking, and tomorrow - gloomy and depressed (the mood can change several times a day);

The person is often sick (colds, abdominal pain) or often takes days off;

Invites others to drink during lunch break or after the end of the work day.

It is very difficult to determine whether a person is abusing alcohol or not, because some people are good at hiding it. Therefore, it is advisable to analyze all the results of observation of behavior and take into account the comments of other people. One identified case may not be enough to suspect someone of alcohol abuse. But, if there are many such cases, it is necessary to pay attention and think about it. Conclusions should be drawn very carefully, because similar symptoms can signal other problems (constant irritability at work may indicate a tendency to gambling or drug use).

Therefore, before drawing any conclusion, you need to weigh all the evidence. If necessary, seek expert advice.

Drawing conclusions

Inappropriate behavior can be caused different reasons. People react differently to circumstances, so it is not easy to determine the cause of their discomfort. Knowing some of the causes of inappropriate behavior helps to better understand the other person.

Ask yourself

Analyze how stress can affect people's behavior and answer the questions next questions:

^ Do you think that people can become depressed if things get out of their control?

^ Do you understand that psychological trauma can affect a person's behavior?

^ Do you acknowledge that some people abuse alcohol because they think it's easier to deal with problems?

^ Do you agree that anxiety and stress can influence behavior?

^ Do you think behavior change is a sign of stress?

^ Do you always notice that someone behaves in a way that is not typical for him?

Everything will work out if…

Recognize that everyday stress can affect people's behavior;

Be aware of the destructive effect of psychological trauma;

Understand that anxiety can change behavior for the worse;

Accept that depression does not allow people to control what is happening;

Understand that very often the presence of problems causes people to abuse alcohol;

Notice that someone's behavior is significantly different from the usual;

Understand that changes in behavior can signal that a person is under stress.

Here are some signs of possible inadequacy that you should pay attention to (keep in mind that normal men can also have these signs in appearance, for example, if he is an artist, poet, or a representative of some of the bohemian professions, which sometimes require an inadequate appearance from a person) . So, signs of inadequacy:

1) unpredictable polar mood swings (from good to bad; and also, if suddenly his mood changes from bad to unjustified joyful euphoria);

2) unexpected reactions to you or other people (behaves not logically, but unexpectedly or too impulsively);

3) facial expressions and gestures do not correspond to what is happening (excessive theatricality, twitchiness, excessive gesticulation, or vice versa, a strange calmness in an inappropriate environment, a stopped unblinking look of a "boa constrictor" right in your eyes);

4) interrupts the interlocutors, does not listen to their arguments and opinions, does not listen to others at all, or voices his point of view out of topic, sometimes categorically declares a completely inappropriate opinion or transfers the topic of conversation in a completely different direction;

5) talks more about himself;

6) uses obscene language, rude slang expressions, or uses generally out of place expressions, uses defiantly abstruse phrases in an ordinary everyday conversation (for example, you discuss that who plans to cook what for dinner today and your new acquaintance says: "I noticed that any individual in a state of mental discomfort is capable of not control your the cognitive dissonance, so sometimes he does not know what he should have done.");

7) inappropriate style of clothing for certain circumstances, frilly, overly flashy clothes;

8) defiant appearance, dyed hair in bright color or a strange hairstyle;

9) in men - excessive piercing, earrings in the ears, rings on the fingers or a lot of tattoos all over the body, not to mention scarring (this will also be immediately visible in the camera.) Therefore, we often say - look at the man in the camera and draw conclusions!

Remember! It is impossible to designate an inadequate person by one or two signs if you are not a specialist in the field of psychology. And each of all these "red flags" can only be a feature of his personality.

Perhaps often we call inadequate people if we see only a discrepancy with our expectations. Therefore, be observant, but kind to people. Be respectful of those with whom you communicate, but do not need excessive unsolicited compassion to the detriment of yourself!

But, before you conclude that a person is inadequate, try to understand exactly YOUR attitude towards this. Not imposed by society or acquaintances. And, if you like a person, then you can try to understand the reasons for his inappropriate behavior and not rush to conclusions or a decision. There were times when all friends dissuaded a girl from a relationship with a man, but she followed the call of her heart, eventually got married, left for the USA and gave birth to a child. Although I didn’t even expect that I could ever get married at all. So, everything is individual. Be vigilant, do not succumb to virtual seducers, do not send money to anyone you know on the Internet, do not meet with those who are disgusting to you, do not pay anything for men, do not swear with anyone. And the rest - everything is fixable.

A person’s inadequacy has a lot of reasons, we don’t know the details of his childhood and the methods of parenting, individual features his personality, level of education and physiology. Unless, of course, it is not blatantly inadequate, so that it hurts your eyes, hearing, and generally causes complete disgust. There is only one conclusion - to run away from this and try not to contact under any circumstances. No patience, fall in love. This is what it means to listen to your heart.