Inappropriate behavior signs. What does "inadequate person" mean?

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Many have heard the term “inappropriate behavior” more than once and, without delving into the subtleties of this concept, always associate it with a violation mental activity person. Simply put, we consider people who behave inappropriately as mentally ill or schizophrenics. To some extent, such a judgment is fair, but the problem is not how we call this or that manifestation of the disease of the people around us, but in our reaction and understanding of the need to provide timely assistance to such people. Agree that this is much more important and more humane in relation to the patient than labeling "schizophrenic", "psychopath" and others?

So what is it - inadequate behavior, what is it expressed in, how dangerous is it for the patient and others? Do I need to seek help from psychiatrists, and what results can be expected from treatment in case of inappropriate behavior of a person?

The first thing to be aware of is that inappropriate behavior is a visible manifestation of existing or emerging serious mental illness. Also, one should not forget that the understanding of the term "inappropriate behavior" at the everyday level does not always correspond to the real presence of any mental illness in the person to whom we apply it. This is a very important and noteworthy aspect. The groundless, undeserved or thoughtless accusation of a person of inappropriate behavior can have very unpleasant, and sometimes unpredictable consequences.

How misbehavior manifests itself

Inappropriate behavior can manifest itself in a stable, pronounced aggression towards others.

In fact, aggression is inherent in every person, it is necessary and sometimes useful. So, for example, without moderate aggression it is difficult to advance in the service, to coexist in human society. By suppressing healthy aggression, we often block some vital important actions and solutions.

But aggression can also be a reaction to pain, resentment, irritation. If this type of aggression, an unhealthy type, prevails, problems arise in the mental sphere and personal relationships. dominant aggressive behavior can be directed at oneself, others, and, often indiscriminately thereby, bringing destruction to the individual, family, loved ones. Often an attack of aggression rolls over like a wave, and, receding, greatly depletes the body and rarely leaves regret, guilt. In this case, aggression needs to be treated.

Adults who are aware of changes in their behavior respond to treatment, as a rule, faster and more effectively, but adolescents are also highly susceptible to attacks of aggression. Sometimes they seem to provoke adults to shout and beat. But remember, this is aggression - a cry for help. Adolescents often see themselves as bad; having received a portion of indignation, they, as it were, are affirmed in the opinion "I am bad, no one loves me." Proper Behavior adults - sufficient attention to the teenager and periodic consultations with specialists will help preserve his personality and prevent the formation of pathology in development itself. In the treatment of aggression, the specialist and the patient must first achieve two main results: the reduction of aggressiveness in general and the prevention of aggressiveness in the future.

Given the rhythm modern life, nutritional imbalances, temporary shifts and many other negative factors - it is not surprising that disorders occur in the human body. Mental disorders, aggression, insomnia, depression become fixed over time, gradually increasing tenfold. Unhealthy, excessive aggressiveness is the same disease.

We do not like to let teeth, intestinal diseases, colds, but we start illnesses of the soul, often turning into torn, inadequate creatures. A qualified psychotherapist, the correct diagnosis and successful treatment will turn you back into a Human. After all, "Man - it sounds proud."

Inadequate behavior can also manifest itself in the manifestation of painful isolation not due to the nature of a person and a sharp narrowing of the circle of interests. Obsessive, unreasonable actions, carrying out any rituals not related to religious beliefs, reasoning that is not related to the surrounding reality, and many other symptoms. All of the above signs may be a manifestation of existing or developing forms of serious mental illness such as schizophrenia (psychosis). In some cases, the cause of persistent inappropriate behavior may be neglected forms of severe depression.

Help for patients with inappropriate behavior

Regardless of the causes of inappropriate behavior, the patient must be shown to qualified doctors for appropriate examination and treatment. A timely appeal to a specialist will help determine the causes of inappropriate behavior, put accurate diagnosis and choose a course of necessary treatment that will lead to recovery.

Modern methods of treating mental disorders can quite successfully and effectively help people with inappropriate behavior. The main thing is not to forget that our body always sends us timely signals for help, and whether we hear it or not depends only on us.

Versatile diagnostics, high professional level of our doctors, combined with qualified complex treatment, progressive methods of social and labor rehabilitation, will return people dear to you to a full life.

13 signs of an inadequate person. The signs by which it can be assumed that a person is inadequate are individual, depend on the type of personality, character type, type of higher nervous activity. But still there are certain features that make it possible to suspect an inadequate person and further confirm this assumption. Our task is to identify the inadequate as early as possible, preferably even before the start of communication with the person, in order to then correct their behavior and be prepared for the fact that this person may behave unpredictably or try to create problems. Do you know why a person behaves inappropriately? So, what features of inadequate behavior should we note: 1) Unexpectedly and unpredictably reacts to the actions and words of others. 2) Twitches, shows signs of anxiety, rushes about, often changes posture, facial expression. 3) Excessively emotional, too brightly colored speech, "theatrical" intonations. 4) Active gestures, playing "one-man theatre". 5) Inability to listen to others: a person expresses his opinion, often inappropriate, interrupts interlocutors, does not listen to their point of view. 6) Fancy, often flashy clothes. Marginal style, mismatched colors. 7) Inappropriate style of clothing for the institution or event (for example, a person in a T-shirt and shorts, who came to a business meeting or official reception). 8) Fancy hairstyle or hair dyed in a bright color. 9) Tattoos, piercings, many rings on the fingers, earrings in the ears of men. 10) The use of "criminal" expressions in speech ("purely concrete", "without a bazaar"). 11) Unnecessarily abstruse statements out of place, in simple communication (for example, in everyday conversation such an inadequate person can say “relying on the basic foundations of our constructive dialogue with you, I draw a representative conclusion about the following conclusions”). Complex grammatical construction completely out of place, looks ridiculous and funny. 12) Pay attention to the person's car, if possible. Cars with tinted windows, loud music, hung spoilers, sills, fenders and other decorative elements are a sign of an often inadequate car owner. 13) People with medical education can notice in a person a number of symptoms characteristic of mental illness, such as epileptoid personality traits, the symptom complex of a psychoorganic syndrome, schizophrenoid traits. But a person who is not connected with medicine is unlikely to be able to navigate this. Remember, when communicating with a person, you should be careful: note not only what he says to you, but also how he does it, with what intonation, facial expressions, what words he chooses. Pay special attention to the little things, including the posture of the interlocutor, the position of the hands, whether he is twitching or calm. The more information you have about the interlocutor, the more accurate your conclusions about him will be. In any case, do not jump to conclusions before making a decision, evaluate all the facts you have. If a we are talking about a business partnership with a person whose adequacy is in doubt, arrange for him an imperceptible check that will help you draw the necessary conclusions and avoid serious problems. There are no absolute criteria for an inadequate person: each of the listed “symptoms” can only be a personality trait. However, in extreme manifestations, these features lead to the development of inadequate behavior. Therefore, you must approach the assessment of the available facts and data individually in each case.

Reasons for inadequacy

In order to identify the factors that give rise to inappropriate behavior, it is necessary to understand what the concept of "adequacy" means. The definition of this term is rather vague, since the boundary between abnormality and norm is often erased. For example, a certain manner of behavior in one person seems organic and normal to others, but in another subject it causes condemnation and rejection. Excessive extravagance of a young person will be taken as a manifestation of individuality and style, a similar image in an elderly lady will cause ridicule and censure. In other words, the society will consider an elderly lady in an extravagant outfit that is not suitable age period, inadequate.

Inadequacy of behavior, from a position psychological science- this is a behavioral response that does not correspond to the surrounding reality, deviating from the generally established normative postulates and rules.

Simply put, inadequacy means a deviation of behavior, claims of a person, his plans from the limits of established norms, elementary prudence, beyond the limits of behavior that is considered natural to obtain the optimal result, mutually beneficial for the subjects that are included in the interaction.

Inadequacy differs from recklessness in that a stupid individual makes mistakes and acts incorrectly due to delusions, misunderstanding of things, skewed ideas towards an irrational view. At the same time, there is a certain motivation in his behavior. In other words, the actions of such subjects are incorrect, but quite understandable.

Inadequate individuals commit unacceptable and abnormal acts intentionally, realizing this. Acting inappropriately, the subject consciously seeks to destroy or deform the established norms of society in his own favor in order to obtain a certain benefit, material or psychological.

A state of inadequacy may result from following factors:

- inborn personality traits;

- individual character traits (egocentrism, gambling, leadership qualities, hyperbolized sex drive);

– social living conditions;

- economic well-being;

- position in society;

- family relationships;

– severe stress;

- psychological trauma;

- serious illnesses, injuries;

- interpersonal relationships, for example, interaction with an individual showing a negative behavior pattern;

- mental disorders;

- an excess of responsibilities (the need to meet norms and standards, reduced deadlines for completing tasks force people to take on an excessive number of responsibilities, the fear of being unable to achieve what was planned is poorly reflected in behavioral response);

- consumption of alcoholic beverages;

- drug addiction.

There can be a lot of reasons that provoke the inadequacy of behavior, in addition to those given. However, it must be remembered that often the essence of the problem is multifaceted and multicomponent.

Signs of inadequacy

There are many signs of inadequacy, but it is necessary to consider it comprehensively. Individuals should not be labeled as inadequate by finding only one of the following manifestations.

The state of inadequacy is expressed in the following actions. And above all, it is found in unpredictable mood swings of a polar nature ( Bad mood replaced by euphoria, good - bad), unexpected response to people (unnecessarily impulsive behavior). The facial expressions and gestures of an individual who is in the described state do not correspond to what is happening. Such subjects are characterized by excessive theatricality, fussiness, excessive gesticulation, or, on the contrary, unnatural calmness that does not correspond to the situation, a frozen, unblinking look directly into the eyes of the interlocutor.

An inadequate person is inclined to interrupt the conversation, does not listen to their arguments and judgments, may not listen to others at all, or voice own opinion off-topic. Peremptory statements often slip through. Individuals in a state of inadequacy often express opinions that are completely inappropriate. They can translate the subject of conversation in a completely different direction. They talk more about themselves. Their speech is filled with swear words, rude expressions, slang turns. In addition, they can use demonstratively abstruse sentences in everyday everyday conversation.

In appearance there is an inappropriate selection of clothes, a style that does not correspond to the event or setting, frilly or defiant outfits. Appearance also undergoes changes: brightly colored curls, an unusual hairstyle that causes makeup. In the sons of Adam, inadequacy is manifested in excessive piercings, "tunnels" in the auricles, many tattoos, scarring.

Inadequate people tend to perceive "with hostility" any judgments and ideas of opponents during a conversation, regardless of their argumentation and logic. They are also characterized by increased resentment, an inadequate reaction to friendly banter, jokes, harmless jokes.

Inadequacy of behavior can be expressed in aggressiveness, suspicion, motor disinhibition, suicidal attempts or a tendency to self-harm, immoral acts, antisocial actions, conflict, violation of social interaction, categorical statements.

Affect of inadequacy

The described phenomenon is a stable negative emotional condition, which arises as a result of failure, failure and is characterized by ignoring the fact of a fiasco or unwillingness to accept responsibility for failure. It arises as a result of conditions that entailed the subject's need to preserve his incorrectly formed high self-esteem and an overestimated degree of claims.

To admit one's own inadequacy for an individual means to go against the existing need to preserve one's own self-esteem. However, he does not want to allow this. From here, an inadequate response to one's failure is born, manifested in the form of affective behavioral reactions.

The affect of inadequacy is a kind of defensive reaction that allows you to get out of confrontation at the cost of deviating an adequate perception of reality: the individual saves a high degree claims and inflated self-esteem, while avoiding the understanding of their own insolvency, which became the cause of failure, avoiding the emerging fluctuations regarding their own skills.

The affect of inadequacy may be limited to one area of ​​the individual's claims, however, it may be of a generalized nature, taking over the personality of the subject as a whole. Children in the described state are characterized by distrust, aggressiveness, resentment, suspicion and negativism. Prolonged stay of the baby in such a state leads to the development of appropriate qualities of character.

Affective babies are often in a steady confrontation with the teaching staff and peers. Therefore, they try in various ways to compensate for their own bad positions, they try to attract sympathy for their individuality and attention, thereby striving to satisfy their own claims to good positions, to justify personal self-esteem. Such actions put such kids in absolute subordination to the opinion of the environment, dependence on approval, evaluation by the team. Such bondage can be expressed in two limiting manifestations: in the ultimate susceptibility to group influence and negativistic resistance to group influence. In an adult, the presence of a stable affect of inadequacy is often due to personality traits.

"Something's wrong with your head"

When someone's behavior is alert, frightening, or bewildering, people say, "He's got something in his head." With this in mind mental disorder. Let's see why people behave strangely. And whether every case of strange behavior necessarily needs to be treated by a doctor.

We tend to evaluate other people's behavior on the basis of own experience, ideas about the norms of public morality, as well as those rules that are used to follow. For example, "I would be ashamed to behave the way that girl behaves"; “I will be ready to fall through the ground (I will fight, get angry, get scared, I will feel guilty - underline as necessary) if they treat me like that”; “You can’t swear, undress, shout at in public places»; “Children must obey their parents in everything”; “It is ugly to gesticulate violently in the company of unfamiliar people”; etc.

If someone's behavior, from our point of view, goes beyond the acceptable limit, we unconsciously feel anxiety, because we cannot predict this behavior. After all, if we are with a similar subject in the same room, we can easily get into an awkward or dangerous situation, as soon as he is not able to regulate own impulses. Moreover, our own personal boundaries endangered: if a person does not feel the distance that must be observed, he can easily invade our personal space and cause pain. In the situation of the presence of such a person nearby, we feel discomfort and, if we can’t get out of the situation, we are all the time in perceptible tension, being forced to control the environment.

Apparent conduct disorder

Mental patients, being in a state of acute psychosis, may perceive the environment incorrectly, or not perceive it at all. They can act solely under the influence of “voices” or delusional ideas sounding inside them, simply sweeping away from their path everything that interferes with the implementation of their plans. Getting in the way of such a patient can be deadly.

A person's behavior may not comply with accepted standards for a number of other reasons, starting with alcohol, medication or drug intoxication and ending with an acute affective reaction.

People who have been behaving aggressively, strangely or pretentiously for many years, as a rule, have either a severe personality pathology or a severe mental disorder that changes the perception of the world, thinking and (or) behavior. And this is the case when the presence mental problems obviously. However, this is not always the case.

Periodic problems

Exist whole line mental disorders in which the behavior of a sick person outwardly seems absolutely normal. And you will never guess that in front of you is a person whose behavior may be inadequate - of course, if you do not spend some time with him or find yourself in a close relationship. As a rule, the underlying problems of people with periodic conduct disorders are associated with addictions, mood swings, personality pathology borderline or narcissistic types, or paroxysmal course of mental illness.

There are cases of twilight disorders of consciousness, when an outwardly absolutely calm person committed a serious crime, being unable to realize this. Sleepy states, ambulatory trances, somnambulism in many cases do not at all cause suspicion that a person does not understand what he is doing or does not control his actions.

Cravings for drug or alcohol use are known for their ability to cause a sick person to periodically manipulate others, as well as to perform strange, illogical or dangerous acts in order to get Chemical substance which he wants to use.

Psychoses with visual or auditory hallucinations, delusional disorders with an intermittent or remitting (periodic) course, psychopathy and sociopathy may not manifest themselves outside of an acute episode. We see a normal person with some not very disturbing character traits (and who doesn’t have them?), and often very kind and very attractive at all - and we cannot even imagine that the time will come when his behavior will be unbearable and even dangerous. .

"Quiet Madness"

In the most severe cases, emergency medical psychiatric care is required, sometimes associated with the need to involve police officers and the Ministry of Emergencies, guardianship and guardianship authorities to send a sick person for treatment.

Call a psychiatrist

In medicine, especially military, it is well known next principle: first of all, they examine those who scream less and ask for help. This is due to the fact that a person who is in a state of shock, helplessness or depressed consciousness, due to the severity of the damage, is not able to ask for help. And if you miss the moment, the case can end in death. All doctors know that the most seriously ill patients do not ask for help. They are silent.

Psychiatry is no exception to the general rule. First of all, help should be provided to those patients from the last category: silent, depressive, in a state of acute delirium or acute hallucinosis; lonely dementia patients who closed themselves in their homes and are unable to serve themselves due to their condition. Therefore, if one of your neighbors or acquaintances suddenly disappeared, it may very well be that trouble has happened to him and he needs professional medical help.

Often people are prevented from providing this timely assistance to a mentally ill person by elementary fear (“yes, he’ll be attacked again”), disgust or prejudice. In this regard, the main thing to remember is that mental patients are people just like everyone else. The same, but permanently living in extreme situation that their mental disorder has created for them. They, like the rest, if it were in their power, would choose a quiet adequate life. Vedas absolutely no one wants to have problems - neither with enemies, nor with health. It is precisely in order to solve their problems that mentally ill people struggle with those intrigues of fate that, as they see, have fallen to their lot. And these "intrigues" are precisely the manifestations of mental illness: the "voices" of enemies; persecutors knocking on doors and threatening to kill; those around them who are plotting something bad against them, and so on. And even if we decide to help, then to talk about whether a person is hungry, whether he is healthy, how long ago he slept for the last time, it may not work the first time, since all his thoughts and feelings are focused on getting rid of the threats looming over him.

Psychiatrists have to talk to such patients every day. There are situations when drug treatment help is impossible. Therefore, in a situation of severe mental disorder, the best thing you can do for yourself or your loved one is to consult a psychiatrist.

What to do if a person closed in an apartment

Try to carefully ask friends or neighbors about when they last saw him and what condition he was in; what he talked about and whether he talked at all; how he looked and how he behaved. Write a statement about the incident to the district police on whose territory the allegedly ill person lives. If you really want to, then carefully indirect signs try to determine if the person you are looking for is at home. If you have adequate contact with him, try to offer your help by phone. However, avoid being intrusive or looming near the door to his apartment - in the case of a delusional psychosis, you may be considered an enemy, and some kind of weapon will suddenly be used on you. It is better, in the absence of an answer, to entrust such actions to the police. The powers of the latter include the obligation to call a psychiatrist to persons suffering from mental disorders.

For other groups of people behaving inappropriately

there is a following rule. If a person behaves in such a way that one can suspect that he has a mental disorder, psychiatric help can be provided to him without his consent only when his actions pose an immediate danger to himself or others. This is recorded in Article 23 of the Law "On Psychiatric Care and Guarantees for Citizens in its Provision". In other cases, assistance is provided only by court order. An application to the court is filed by a psychiatrist (district), who is receiving at the dispensary, or by a doctor in the emergency room of the hospital, if the patient was brought there.

Thus, the right course of action against a person alleged to be suffering mental disorder, the following:

1. Ensure your own safety
2. Call the police if a person violates public order or someone's rights
3. Submit a written application to the psychiatric dispensary at the place of residence of the patient

In conclusion, I would like to note that someone's strange behavior never means a mandatory call to a psychiatrist or hospitalization in mental asylum. Perhaps the person has suffered a mental trauma, severe stress or emotional shock; maybe he lost his nerve, he is offended, angry, annoyed or humiliated. This condition is called acute affective reaction". Over time, this condition can go away on its own: the person himself will find a way out of the situation. Inappropriate behavior may be due to the fact that he is in a state of alcoholic or drug intoxication, and his inappropriate behavior is associated with this. And this, too, will pass without outside help without examination and hospitalization.

And there is another very important thought that I would like to express. Please remember that in any case, you are solely responsible for your own safety. Try to ensure this safety for yourself first. Do not try to help people who are not helpless. Especially if you are not asked to. If you really want to help a mental patient, call a specialist to him. And then everything will be all right.

Here are some signs of possible inadequacy that you should pay attention to (keep in mind that normal men can also have these signs in appearance, for example, if he is an artist, poet, or a representative of some of the bohemian professions, which sometimes require an inadequate appearance from a person) . So, signs of inadequacy:

1) unpredictable polar mood swings (from good to bad; and also, if suddenly his mood changes from bad to unjustified joyful euphoria);

2) unexpected reactions to you or other people (behaves not logically, but unexpectedly or too impulsively);

3) facial expressions and gestures do not correspond to what is happening (excessive theatricality, twitchiness, excessive gesticulation, or vice versa, a strange calmness in an inappropriate environment, a stopped unblinking look of a "boa constrictor" right in your eyes);

4) interrupts the interlocutors, does not listen to their arguments and opinions, does not listen to others at all, or voices his point of view out of topic, sometimes categorically declares a completely inappropriate opinion or transfers the topic of conversation in a completely different direction;

5) talks more about himself;

6) uses obscene language, rude slang expressions, or uses generally out of place expressions, uses defiantly abstruse phrases in an ordinary everyday conversation (for example, you discuss that who plans to cook what for dinner today and your new acquaintance says: "I noticed that any individual in a state of mental discomfort is capable of not control your the cognitive dissonance, so sometimes he does not know what he should have done.");

7) inappropriate style of clothing for certain circumstances, frilly, overly flashy clothes;

8) defiant appearance, dyed hair in a bright color or a strange hairstyle;

9) in men - excessive piercing, earrings in the ears, rings on the fingers or a lot of tattoos all over the body, not to mention scarring (this will also be immediately visible in the camera.) Therefore, we often say - look at the man in the camera and draw conclusions!

Remember! It is impossible to designate an inadequate person by one or two signs if you are not a specialist in the field of psychology. And each of all these "red flags" can only be a feature of his personality.

Perhaps often we call people inadequate if we see only a discrepancy with our expectations. Therefore, be observant, but kind to people. Be respectful of those with whom you communicate, but do not need excessive unsolicited compassion to the detriment of yourself!

But, before you conclude that a person is inadequate, try to understand exactly YOUR attitude towards this. Not imposed by society or acquaintances. And, if you like a person, then you can try to understand the reasons for his inappropriate behavior and not rush to conclusions or a decision. There were times when all friends dissuaded a girl from a relationship with a man, but she followed the call of her heart, eventually got married, left for the USA and gave birth to a child. Although I didn’t even expect that I could ever get married at all. So, everything is individual. Be vigilant, do not succumb to virtual seducers, do not send money to anyone you know on the Internet, do not meet with those who are disgusting to you, do not pay anything for men, do not swear with anyone. And the rest - everything is fixable.

A person’s inadequacy has a lot of reasons, we do not know the details of his childhood and the methods of parenting, the individual characteristics of his personality, level of education and physiology. Unless, of course, it is not blatantly inadequate, so that it hurts your eyes, hearing, and generally causes complete disgust. There is only one conclusion - to run away from this and try not to contact under any circumstances. No patience, fall in love. This is what it means to listen to your heart.

How often do we exclaim: “It is impossible to understand this person - he behaves inappropriately!” or we remember a friend: “After talking with her, I feel broken ...” Our psyche is structured like this: the first thing she does is try to find an excuse from a set of things and phenomena she knows. It turns out whole list: bad upbringing or character, “he’s just a bore, what can you do”, “she is a great original” ... When such manifestations become more peculiar, we ask ourselves - maybe it’s not about character, and this is scientific explanation? Indeed, the cause of inappropriate behavior can be a psychological trauma that a person received in early childhood. As a rule, he is not aware of it, but it affects behavior in adulthood. Consider the three most common types: toxic, neurotic and dependent person.

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Photo gallery: Inappropriate behavior as a result of psychological trauma

NEGATIVE AND PROVOCATION
Often we are faced with a situation where some acquaintance (or even a stranger) dumps on us a stream of completely unnecessary to us, and sometimes simply negative information. Imagine, you come to a beauty salon to get a new haircut, and the master, while working, begins to tell you about how everything in his life is bad: the children do not want to study, and the husband earns little, and the dog spoils the furniture ... You sit, you agree, but you yourself think when this verbal flood will end. And after you leave the salon, you feel squeezed out like a lemon, although before going to the hairdresser you were in a cheerful and cheerful mood.

Who is in front of you?

This type is characterized by generalized names: a toxic personality or a psychological "vampire". characteristic feature- you feel a strong energy weakness. When communicating, you understand that he is not interested in you - anyone could be in your place. Toxic people only talk about themselves and never listen to the opinions of others. They are never, nothing and no one satisfies. They criticize, judge, gossip, or need your help, and more often than not, urgently. Often they seem to “roll” over others, humiliating and insulting along the way. At the same time, they do it as if nothing had happened - from their point of view, within the framework of secular conversation.

So, one friend always says at a meeting: “You look tired ... Your skin is bad, gray color. Didn't get enough rest? And you can’t get rid of dandruff, right?” It is clear that the mood after such a “compliment” disappears, as balloon, accidentally released by a child ... Many, seeing this woman, cross to the other side of the street. But you can feel sorry for her: unenviable appearance, inability to dress beautifully, dissatisfaction with work (instead of the career of a singer, which she dreamed of, the position of a nurse) and personal life. It seems that she is constantly afraid that she will be asked why she no longer sings and why her husband left her? That's why he attacks first. The method of toxic people is a provocation to negative emotions.

Why did they become like this?
They have the wrong set of behavior in society, and the roots of the problem should be looked for in childhood. "Toxicity" can be the result of a person's internal troubles - he sees a dirty trick everywhere, relaxes with difficulty and never opens up to others. He takes a defensive position in relation to others, but often attacks first.

How do you behave?
If it's a colleague, keep your distance. Does he complain to you about another employee? Say, "You'd better take this to your boss" or "Maybe you should see a psychologist?" It is unlikely that he will do this (remember that they only hear themselves - they are not interested in your opinion), but this way you will save yourself from negative impact. Speak politely and smile - this is the last thing a toxic person expects. Ideally, you should not let such a person into your life. If he calls often, don't pick up the phone. Having launched into explanations why you do not want to communicate, he will still get what he needs - your reaction. Don't become a victim by arguing with him. If his hairpins don't cause an effect, he will soon stop provoking you.

LOVE DEMAND
"Mom," a 5-year-old girl addresses her mother, "can I play in the sandbox?" - "No, you can get your dress dirty." - "Can I play with the children in the yard?" "No, I don't want you to become ill-mannered like them." - "Can I have ice cream?" - "No, you can catch a cold in your throat." - "Will I play with this puppy?" - "No, he might have worms." At the end of this dialogue, the child begins to cry, and the mother, turning to a friend, with whom she was talking enthusiastically all this time and simultaneously answering her daughter’s questions: “I have such a nervous girl! I can’t stand her constant whims anymore!”

Who is in front of you?

neurotic personality. In the past, people like this mom were called "too demanding," "overly suspicious," and "anxious." At the heart of neurosis lies an internal conflict.

Sigmund Freud believed that here lies the struggle of the repressed (instincts) and repressing forces (culture, morality). And neo-Freudian Karen Horney believed that "neurosis arises only if this conflict gives rise to anxiety." A neurotic personality is always trying to attract attention to itself - with tantrums (hysterical neurosis), fears and phobias (anxious-phobic), weakness (neurasthenia).

Why did they become like this?
Neurotic people look for problems, not solutions, discuss difficulties, find new obstacles. Anxiety makes you worry about loved ones, while limiting their actions. At the core is the feeling that others are inattentive to them and do not understand them at all. It is believed that a neurotic person received psychological trauma in early childhood, which she could not cope with, and, due to helplessness, reacted with increased anxiety. The desire to be accepted by others drives her into adulthood.

How do you behave?
The demand for love that we may feel has nothing to do with you. A neurotic personality projects onto you the image of one of the parents, whose attention she lacked. Therefore, your love will never be enough for her. Sometimes you will have the impression that after talking with her you are very tired, or become aggressive for no apparent reason. This is a sign that you need to take care of yourself now. “Give out” attention in a dosed manner - your resources will not be enough for a long time.

REGARDLESS
It was very difficult for a woman to communicate with her older sister all her life - there is a 10-year difference between them. The first has a family: husband and children. The elder sister is divorced and lives separately. And every evening she calls the younger one to consult on certain issues. Moreover, she does not ask for a recommendation directly, but rather asks a question and waits for someone to tell her what to do - from what to buy in the store to whether it is necessary to meet new customers about whom the youngest knows nothing ...

Who is in front of you?
Dependent person. Their basic need is to pass on to others most decisions and responsibility for their lives. They constantly hesitate when it comes to giving an opinion, they can't accept final decision even when it's obvious. It seems to them that they will still make a mistake or choose the wrong one. They live with a feeling of emptiness, so if such a person breaks up with a partner, he will certainly need to fill it with someone or something else.

Why did they become like this?
At the heart of this is the psychological trauma that they most likely received in early childhood. The parents of the dependent person probably separated and, without explaining to the child what happened, left him to himself. In fact, he was left alone, and loneliness for a baby is tantamount to death. Therefore, in adulthood, he is also driven by the fear of global loneliness and the need to make decisions on his own ... Just like in childhood, when none of the adults were around.

How do you behave?
If your relative or girlfriend fits this description, then you already know what is happening to them and what could have preceded this. Be attentive to such a person, but defend personal boundaries - the addict easily breaks them. Do not go on about - reduce advice to a minimum, do not let shift all responsibility on you. You will not replace your parents for him, but instead of your life you will live someone else's.

What is inadequacy?

Let us first consider what we mean by inadequacy. We will understand by this the going of a person's behavior and his claims, intentions and plans beyond the framework of generally accepted norms, elementary common sense, beyond the framework of behavior that is natural for achieving an optimal result that is mutually beneficial for people involved in the interaction. At the same time, the exit is conscious, explicit and conditioned own motives. Inadequacy differs from unreason in that foolish person makes mistakes and does wrong due to delusions, misunderstanding of things, distortion of ideas by some irrational, but quite definite motives, i.e., his actions are wrong, but understandable, while the inadequate one commits unacceptable and abnormal actions on purpose, realizing this. Inappropriate behavior violates agreements or intuitively implied mutually beneficial methods of interaction, interferes with the normal functioning of society and leads to tension and conflict. Acting inappropriately, a person deliberately tries to break or deform the norms of society in his favor in order to get this or that benefit, material or psychological.

For example, when several people stand in line, and someone, pushing them away, tries to buy the goods first, this is inappropriate, because it contradicts the implied rules of behavior. Also, inadequacy is, for example, when a teacher begins to extort a bribe from a student in order to pass a test, when someone on the street takes your mobile phone by deceit or force, when they try to force you to confess to a crime that you obviously did not commit at the police station, etc. . P.

Inadequacy in modern society and features of its manifestation

Despite the fact that most people are still accustomed to living in a relatively stable society, among relatively normal people, there are many, many inadequacies in modern society. Of course, usually society does not welcome inadequacy and tries to condemn, suppress and correct it. But in certain places and certain periods inadequacy becomes so widespread that it completely replaces or suppresses the generally accepted norms of a healthy society. This happens, for example, during periods of wars, natural disasters, riots, when crime or regimes guided by criminal ideas, such as fascist, take control of the situation. Sometimes inadequate principles and manifestations dominate society long time, for example, for more than 500 years, the principles of Christianity distorted by the Catholic and Protestant Church in Western Europe served as a justification for genocide and the enslavement of other peoples, and within Europe itself - for witch hunts, when almost anyone could be accused of witchcraft or heresy and burned at the stake on bogus charges. Unfortunately, still too often, inadequacy takes precedence over generally accepted norms, morality and elementary common sense.

What is the reason for the inadequacy? Inappropriate behavior can appear in people due to different reasons. Among them may be the following.

The "learning" of inadequacy occurs when certain unnatural ideas, traditions, patterns of behavior appear that have persistent followers who, by their example, and often by direct propaganda and coercion, encourage others to accept the same unnatural, inadequate attitudes. Radical fascist, religious etc. organizations, youth criminal groups, clans and sects. In addition, inadequacy can be forcibly implanted in a family, in some state or commercial organization, where unscrupulous employees have taken over, and, in principle, in any community and team where inadequacies could set the tone. When "learning", as a rule, social norms are not denied at all, but only partially or partially deformed. At the same time, a significant incentive for inappropriate behavior is herd instinct, an example of other inadequacies and the absence of a sufficiently pronounced and strong opposition and counterexamples.

"Revenge" is such a motive of inadequacy, when a person who has been subjected to various injustices, humiliations, violation of his rights by others, comes to deny social norms and morality, or to their specific understanding, and decides that if others can behave as they please, then he can (right). People often come to inadequacy for such reasons, who grew up or live for a long time in an unfavorable environment, participants in various armed conflicts and confrontations (especially those that are long-term and chronic). In general, the escalation of any conflicts, if there is no force capable of decisively stopping them and putting things in order, while making fair decisions, and different warring parties set the tone, leads to gradual degradation and the abolition of moral restrictions by all of them.

"Effect of connivance" - a motive caused by the fact that people who, by duty or according to tradition, should be responsible for maintaining order and generally accepted norms in society, show weakness of character and do not set a worthy example. Most people are such that even if they are determined to behave adequately, they need constant reinforcement in this attitude. If there is no such reinforcement, psychologically it is perceived as "permission" to behave inappropriately. The extent to which this motive manifests itself depends on various reasons, primarily on how much society encourages people to be responsible and entrusts them with the task of independently assessing the correctness of actions (both their own and those of others), their admissibility, compliance with moral standards, the interests of society , common sense. If this task is largely not entrusted to individual people, and on the "controllers" - the state, the party, the church, etc., then a sharp removal or weakening of such control can lead to the most disastrous consequences.

"Ambition" is a motive associated with the fact that a person consciously puts himself above others and experiences a dismissive attitude towards society. Such a motive can be justified by views like "life is a struggle for existence" and "he who is stronger is right", or not justified at all. Such a motive is often formed by those who notice that the weak can be suppressed for their own benefit, without encountering adequate opposition (neither from their side, nor from society). Many such people appear among organized crime or among those who are invested with significant powers, status (very rich, famous, etc.). Most people prefer not to get involved with too arrogant, aggressive, "cool", which only spurs the inadequacies.

"Forced reaction" - a motive associated with the situational manifestation of an inadequate reaction, when a person does not see the right, "legal" from the point of view of morality and generally accepted standards of output in order to suppress evil, injustice, etc. This is the most difficult case when a person himself can, in a normal situation, have high intelligence, moral principles, etc., but at a certain moment, instead of best way counteraction to evil and other inadequacies can choose a cardinal one, sharply "going too far". A typical example is Marvin Heemeyer, who bulldozed part of the city after being cornered by a corporation and local authorities. Despite the fact that such inadequacy is situational, it can be guided by the belief that the end justifies the means, and that in an imperfect society it is impossible to act otherwise, it will not be possible to resist evil otherwise. Unfortunately, society is such that resolute and tough opposition to a multitude of inadequacies is necessary, and even if it is weak and insufficient, there will be those who blame not evil itself, but those who fight against it, finding in their actions a formal violation of moral norms. Nevertheless, almost all the forces that had a positive, progressive impact on the development of society often acted too radically, too cruelly, too much fewer examples, when it was "not bent down", and this also led to disastrous consequences). One way or another, reasonable people, stepping on inadequate ones, should still try to act correctly and proportionately, not to allow "excesses" in their actions.

As I have already noted, most people still condemn inadequacy and strive to resist it. Why is there so much inadequacy, so much? main reason in the fact that, due to the unreasonableness of the majority and its tendency to emotional thinking, inadequate people manage to easily manipulate public opinion. Inadequate people are able to use a lot of tricks that can denigrate honest people and present themselves in a better light in order to encourage the majority of society to either help themselves, or at least stand aside, while they crack down on the few who still try to them. resist. For example, the leader of the Chicago mafia, Al Capone, who was called “enemy number one” by the American police, committed murders with impunity for many years, including personally with many witnesses, but he created for himself the image of a respectable, influential businessman helping the poor, and everything went well for him from hands. In the end, he was convicted only for tax evasion. Emotionally thinking people are not able to isolate the inadequacy in the world around them. pure form and evaluate it in order to counteract it later. As a rule, a certain manifestation of inadequacy, a certain inadequate force in their perception appears as a combination of positive and negative traits At the same time, they cannot compare them correctly, single out the main and secondary essence, and often, attracted by secondary positive features, they support an inadequate manifestation or strength, or are inactive when it is necessary to resist, which leads to disastrous consequences.

Hypertrophying positive traits in their actions, intentions and plans, and negative traits (real or imaginary) in their opponents, the inadequate often present the forced advancement of evil as a struggle for evil. Very indicative and illustrative in this regard, for example, is the story of the Nazis coming to power in Germany, and then Hitler unleashing World War II. Many saw the Nazis as allies to solve some problems, not considering them too dangerous and not wanting to see their true nature and intentions. Thus, they opened the way for them to power and easy conquests, when this party, which was initially a very insignificant force, eliminated its opponents step by step and realized its ambitions. In the same way, today many blind people do not want to see the danger in the actions of the United States, covering their plans of conquest with the struggle for freedom and democracy, and their true goals - the desire for world domination.

Reaction to inadequacy and methods of struggle

In today's society, where many inadequacies organize themselves, enjoy the patronage of the authorities, and the majority are blind and unreasonable, it is often very difficult to fight inadequacy. Consider, nevertheless, the basic principles of combating inadequacy and the problems that arise in this case.

Problems can be, for example, the following:
1) You are weak, and inadequate are strong.
2) Society is not ready to support you and generally perceives the situation incorrectly.
3) You find it difficult to determine the boundary between unreasonableness and inadequacy in the behavior of inadequate - whether they deliberately and consistently go for inadequacy, which means they need to be strongly opposed, or whether their actions are the result of stupidity and misunderstanding and they can be reasoned with, explained, agreed with them.
4) You do not see an acceptable, "legal", but, at the same time, effective way to counter the inadequacies, only extreme radical measures come to your mind.

Principles.

1) Inadequacy must be dealt with. Of course, this is obvious, but there are nuances that lead to the fact that many, if not most, seeing the inadequacy, do not even try to fight it. This stems, moreover, most often not because of fear, indecision, etc., but because of the illusion that inadequacy is not dangerous and too small, that it will pass by itself with time, or for the reason that the rest will do good deeds, show positive example, to improve society and the inadequate, seeing this, will also be corrected. And this illusion is very common in society. However, not fighting inadequacy is a very bad idea.

Of course, it happens that someone who behaves inappropriately, after a while repents, corrects himself, realizes the wrongness of his previous behavior. But this happens when the rudiments of rationality and common sense already exist in a person and potentially they prevail over defects. The correct reaction to inadequacy will only help such a person to improve faster, perhaps even a single correct reaction will be enough to cure him. The main thing is that such a reaction should be accompanied by the right message, helping a person to realize the inappropriateness, incorrectness, inadequacy of his behavior, to question the ideas on the basis of which he behaves inappropriately. In addition, one can easily make a mistake, taking inadequacy for just stupidity, ostentatious tomfoolery, which will pass by itself. It is more correct to proceed from the principle "if a person behaves as inadequate, then he is actually inadequate."

But very often the opposite is true. Not having received a proper reaction, a person is convinced of the effectiveness of inadequate behavior. Without suppressing inadequacy in the bud, we get inadequacy in the future in a more obvious, neglected, hard-to-eradicate form, which will require much more effort to suppress. In addition, by not giving a cap to one inadequate, we can thereby encourage other unstable personalities to take an example from him.

In addition, it often happens that an inadequate person who has not been corrected in time begins to feel the limits of the admissibility of his inadequacy. At the same time, while he sees the threat of an open clash with society, he does not cross this border, but as soon as the opportunity arises to "show" himself, due to the fall of some restrictions, the inadequate breaks off the chain. Thus, a total and uncompromising struggle against inadequacy is also necessary to prevent the accumulation of a hidden threat in society.

2) Inadequacy must be fought resolutely and to the end. Worse than no reaction to inappropriate behavior can only be a weak, ineffective and obviously indecisive reaction. It can only encourage the inadequate to increase the degree of inadequacy, increase the pressure to break your resistance. Episodic and uncertain opposition from society will rather lead the inadequate not to the idea that it is necessary to stop spoiling society, but to the idea that it is necessary to achieve one's own more resolutely and effectively.

So what should be the ideal response. First, unambiguous, clear and hit the right point. Of course, it is not always easy to understand well enough the motives behind inappropriate manifestations. But it is advisable to try to at least approximately define them and deliver a psychologically and logically accurate blow, that is, to accurately formulate the essence of the inadequate manifestation that you demand to stop. For example, someone unmotivatedly insults you in a rude manner. An answer like "the fool himself" will not be a very good option. It is better to ask why he behaves in such a way and dares to insult you. An inaccurate demand will give the inadequate a reason to continue his inappropriate behavior, dodging your claims. Secondly, the response must be proportionately harsh. You must make it clear to the inadequate that you are determined and principled and you are definitely not going to leave his antics just like that. Of course, in most cases, your goal is to psychologically defeat the inadequate, make him retreat and admit the fallacy of his inadequate behavior. But against the most aggressive and dangerous inadequacies, it is better to immediately prepare and apply measures for their physical neutralization. Thirdly, the fight against inadequacy must be brought to an end, i.e., to ensure that the inadequate person realizes his mistakes and voluntarily abandons inadequate behavior, not repeating it anymore, or is neutralized (if he is especially stubborn and dangerous) and physically deprived possibilities to implement it.

It is clear, however, that you are unlikely to be able to replace yourself law enforcement and only a society that purposefully pursues an appropriate policy can chase after every randomly found inadequate in order to correct it, systematically and consistently fight against inadequacy and successfully eradicate it.

3) We need to wisely win the community over to our side.. As already written above, there are reasons why society does not oppose inadequacy and even supports it. You must, taking into account these features, competently attract society to your side, and deprive the inadequate of support. You must isolate the inadequacy from some more general manifestations, separate it and focus on it, concentrating the attention of society on this. If the inadequacies have significant support, it is necessary to offer solutions that preserve the positive aspects in the behavior of the inadequacies and their plans, but remove the negative ones. If the inadequate will insist on their own, it will show everyone that the positive features are secondary, and all their activity is directed towards the implementation of the negative part of the program. Patiently and consistently demand the condemnation of the inadequacy you have singled out and the consent of the entire normal part of society with the need to suppress it.

Another method that can be used is to escalate and escalate the situation in which the manifestation of inadequacy takes place in order to attract the attention of society, as well as to ensure that inadequate manifestations and Negative consequences to which they lead, the fact of their contradiction to the interests of society and their unacceptability have become more obvious to society. Of course, it is worth doing this if you are sure that the healthy part of society will organize and rise to suppress inadequacy, or, for example, the authorities will intervene, which will not be able to ignore public opinion and not take action.

In many ways, precedents influence how freely the inadequate will feel. If a certain case (and even more so several cases) of inappropriate behavior, which has become widely known, has not been stopped, this actually gives a signal that such behavior is acceptable. It stimulates the inadequate to such manifestations, and demoralizes normal people and instills doubts about the need to counteract the inadequate. On the contrary, if a certain case became known when inappropriate behavior was decisively suppressed, this instills uncertainty in inadequate and determination in normal people. Suitable cases can be used to create such precedents of the second type, and precedents of the first type should not be ignored and not allowed to play into the hands of the inadequate. In general, whenever possible, especially in the case of mass inadequate manifestations, it is necessary to achieve the delegitimization of inadequacy and the introduction into the public consciousness of the idea of ​​the resolute inadmissibility of such inadequate manifestations.

4) Need to wage war on inadequacy in general. Inadequacy will always be a threat to society, so it is always necessary to prepare for a war on inadequacy in general and wage this war. If inadequate people do not threaten you today, this does not mean that you will not face them tomorrow. Therefore, it is necessary to consistently identify inadequate people, create mechanisms to combat them, unite the healthy part of society and take measures against its split. It is necessary to accumulate strength for physical struggle with the inadequate, and for information and psychological struggle, so that the inadequate could not decompose and demoralize society and use false ideas for their own purposes. At the moment, it is the inadequate, unfortunately, who have mastered the methods of fighting against the healthy part of society well, and we can well see examples of their impressive victories - for example, the successful US operation against the USSR, when they managed to destroy the USSR and the socialist camp, or the recent coup d'état on Ukraine. There is no doubt that a significant part of the inadequate will not give up their ambitions and will stop at nothing, and a fierce struggle against them in the process of building a reasonable society is inevitable.