How to tame anger in yourself. Conspiracy on the boss

“An effective anger management strategy relies on the need to focus on the angry person. He should be given the opportunity to vent his anger and at the same time try to correct the state of affairs that led to an outburst of rage, says Jack Schafer, professor of psychology, former special agent, author of Turning on the charm according to the methods of the special services. This approach breaks vicious circle and allows you to resolve a critical situation without spoiling the relationship.

This is true if, in the course of settling the conflict, you succeed in elevating the opponent to his own eyes, then you can not only calm him down, but even like him. And here's how you can do it.

1. Do not try to explain anything to an angry person: he is not able to think sensibly.

Anger triggers a fight-or-flight response in the body that physically and mentally prepares the person for conflict. At the moment of this reaction, the body reacts instinctively to the threat.

As the danger increases, the ability of a person to think rationally disappears completely. Angry people behave the same way because anger is a reaction to a real or perceived threat. They speak and act without reasoning, and the degree of cognitive impairment depends on the intensity of the anger.

How stronger man angry, the less he is inclined to logically comprehend the information. In this state, people do not notice the obvious, because their minds are clouded.

2. Give it time.

It takes about 20 minutes for an angry person to calm down and regain the ability to think clearly. He will not accept any explanations, solutions and ways to resolve the conflict until he again masters his mind.

3. Offer a simple solution right away.

People always want to feel like they are in control. An angry person is looking for the lost meaning and order in the world. The inability to return to the usual track causes confusion, and confusion is expressed in anger.

A stated explanation for such behavior or voicing the problem often helps to restore the previous picture of the world and cool down anger.

4. If the simple solution doesn't work, formulate a "compassionate statement."

When an angry person hears that you understand him, at first it causes him surprise and confusion. If sympathy is expressed unexpectedly, it may even arouse suspicion. But if you reinforce your words, then it becomes difficult for a person not to appreciate the participation of the opponent. Empathy quickly leads to trust.

5. Assess the emotional state of the interlocutor.

This will help a lot to express sympathy without being too fake. Be empathic and learn to discern the nuances: anger can consist of different emotions (resentment, rage, sadness, wounded pride, etc.). You can use this to direct the person to the solution you need.

Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal responses. Watch for the slightest changes in facial expressions.

6. Let the angry person let off steam.

Most likely, it will not be possible to let off steam at a time. Remember that the first discharge is usually the strongest. It allows a person to relieve tension, get rid of most of the anger and enter into a dialogue. Subsequent times are less intense, especially if no wood is thrown into the furnace of anger.

After each discharge, there is a natural pause that should be filled with a sympathetic statement.

An angry person will throw out more anger, although the intensity of the outbursts will decrease each time. This must be done until the anger subsides completely. A sigh, a long exhalation, hunched shoulders and a lowered look indicate that the anger has dried up.

7. Make a guess.

Guessing directs the angry person's thinking toward resolving the conflict. It must be formulated in such a way that the interlocutor could not deviate from the course of action imposed on him.

The ability to make assumptions requires skill active listening, since the assumption made directs the force of anger towards a resolution of the conflict acceptable to both parties.

It is necessary to formulate the assumption in such a way that it would be difficult for a person to refuse the recommendation.

Here is how, for example, you can apply this technique in a work situation:

Leader: I expected your report to be ready this morning. Your behavior is unacceptable (anger).
Subordinate: I couldn't finish the report because I didn't get the data from the sales department. They were promised to be sent within an hour. (simple explanation).

Leader: That's no excuse. I had to go to the sales department and demand the data. You must understand how important it was for me to receive the report this morning. I have an appointment with a client this afternoon. Don't know what to do now (rejects offered explanation) .
Subordinate: You are upset because the client is expecting a report this afternoon (sympathetic statement).

Leader: Yes. You put me in an awkward position (steam release).
Subordinate: You are disappointed because you expected to receive my report in the morning (sympathetic statement).

Leader: Exactly! That's the whole point (stoops and sighs; steam finally released).
Subordinate: I'll go down to the sales department right now and finish my report in an hour. Most likely, I will have time to give it to you before the client arrives. (assumption).

Leader: Good. See what can be done (anger subsided completely).

“Some people feel they are undermining their power and credibility if they use incremental nudge tactics rather than intimidation,” says Marvin Carlins, professor of management at the University of South Florida, Ph.D. Princeton University, co-author of the book "Turning on charm according to the methods of special services." “But due to the fact that a person has got rid of anger, he agrees to submit voluntarily.

By allowing the person to let off steam, you increase the likelihood that they will agree with your decision and at the same time feel that you have treated them with due respect. You can't think of a better outcome for the confrontation.

Prolonged anger, stress, and lingering resentment damage our adrenal glands and immune system.

Can you remember the last time you were really mad at someone? Angry so much that you just shook at the thought of this person? Rarely does anger help us get what we want. It often works against us, causing unnecessary pain. Even the most tender natures at some point can turn into a vengeful villain if they are pushed to this.

Various life situations cause us to experience sadness, pain, frustration and anger. Words of hatred escape our lips, though we never would have thought we were capable of such a thing. We cease to be ourselves, those calm and sincere people who are accustomed to seeing themselves. And no, we don't like who we become.

Negative emotions destroy us, we need to fight and overcome them. The same method can be used to deal with all negative emotions. To make it easier to understand, we will use anger as a target emotion to overcome. Remember that this method can also help you cope with other adverse strong emotions such as jealousy, guilt, hatred, regret, and fear.

Why do we feel disgusting?

Anger does not bring pleasant sensations. Frankly, it's a disgusting feeling. Everything within us shrinks, we sweat, we react (instead of acting) in survival mode. Anger clouds our judgment, makes us react wildly, relying only on our emotions. This happens to all of us. Sometimes anger is so strong that we are simply afraid of strong hatred directed at other people. And when we cool down, we first of all wonder how we could afford to fall into such a state.

Answer: very simple. Let me explain. Emotion is our body's response to a thought that can be triggered by an external situation. But we look at this situation through the prism of our ideas. And our prism is colored by mental concepts unique to each of us, such as good and evil, mine and yours, likes and dislikes, right and wrong. Remember that we all have different lenses, and therefore conflicts in the interpretation of the situation are inevitable.

For example, if someone loses their wallet, our emotions are not that strong. But if it is our own money, we suddenly begin to feel pain and desire to return what we have lost.

If we have something that we define for ourselves as “our own”, we will experience moral discomfort if we realize that we have lost something or risk losing it. It doesn't matter what it is. It could be my wallet, my pride, my money, my house, my car, my job, my child, my stocks, my feelings, or my dog. As long as we feel that it is lost to us or there is a threat of loss, we will experience pain in the form of anger or other strong negative emotion.

We feel pain because we have been taught since childhood to think that the things we have labeled "mine" are something that defines who we are.

We identify ourselves with the thing and mistakenly believe that if we have lost something, or can lose it, then we will lose ourselves. Suddenly our ego has nothing left to identify with. Who are we? This question causes our ego great pain.

We feel in our hearts that we are entitled to more: more money more respect best job or a bigger house. And we fail to understand that our mind will always want more. Greed - mental condition akin drug addiction which is constantly growing, blinding us, alienating us from reality, and at the same time reassuring us that we are acting wisely.

Common components of anger:

Injustice

We believe that we have been treated unfairly. We tell ourselves that we deserve more, and we buy into the fiction that someone has done us wrong.

Loss

“We feel like we've lost something that we identified with. Feelings, pride, money, car, job.

Guilt

We blame other people or external situations for causing our loss, we blame them for being their victim. This guilt is often only in our minds and is a product of our imagination. We are simply unable to see what is happening from the point of view of other people. We become deeply selfish.

Pain

We are in pain psychological stress and anxiety. Pain causes physical reactions in our body that disrupt the natural flow of energy and threaten the state of well-being.

Focus of attention

– We focus on those things that we do not want to receive in our lives, and thus energize them, because we complain about them with inspiration and repeat our complaints to all those who are ready to listen to us. This creates a kind of vicious circle of anger. "We get Moreover what we're focusing on." And this is true, regardless of emotion.

The interesting thing is that if there are two irritated people who are dissatisfied with each other, then both feel a sense of loss and injustice. Both feel pain and the need to blame the other person. Who is right? Answer: Both are right and both are wrong.

Why should we work on ourselves and overcome anger?

Negative emotions such as anger push our body into survival mode, as if telling our body, “We are in danger.” To prepare us for “fight or flight,” a special process occurs in our body. physiological change. These physiological responses interrupt the natural flow of energy in our body, which affects our heart, immune system, digestion, and hormone production. Therefore, negative emotion is a kind of toxin for the body that interferes with harmonious functioning and balance.

Prolonged anger, stress, and lingering resentment damage our adrenal glands and immune system. In women, adrenal overload can affect the reproductive organs (uterus, ovaries), causing pathologies that could theoretically lead to infertility.

Is your physical and mental health not worth more than all that psychological pressure with which you voluntarily agree?

Is it worth reacting at all, responding to our own negative emotions and hurt feelings, just to temporarily satisfy our pride?

Anger also clouds our judgment, and we begin to be consumed by problems and pain. Instead of getting away from them, becoming free from self-inflicted pain, we make irrational, unreasonable, harmful decisions for us that will make us regret them. In the case of divorces, for example, legal fees alone can eat into savings, leaving both parties miserable and poor. In this case, no one wins!

Theoretical foundations of mood change.

Do you notice how quickly you can fall into a negative mood? Perhaps a fraction of a second. On the same basis, we can assume that the same amount of time should be required to go to productive state. However, the problem is that from an early age we were trained to remain precisely in an unproductive state. No one introduced us to the methods of how to change our state to a positive one. Often, even our parents did not know this, and still do not know.

When negative feelings, we have two options:

Follow the habit pattern we learned as children, react and let the negativity consume us.

Break the pattern that has been laid in us and, in doing so, forge new roads that will create alternative opportunities for us.

In fact, there are three ways to break the behavioral model:

Visual - Change your thoughts.

Verbal - Change the way you speak.

Kinesthetic - Change your physical position.

Okay, now let's get down to practice...

How to overcome anger

Some of these methods may be more effective for some, less so for others. For me, "Look up!" - most effective method(which is why it's number one on this list). I also noticed good results when using several of these methods at once.

1. Look up!!!

Most fast way change negative feelings and overcome anger - instantly change our physical position. The easiest way to do this is to change the position of the eyes. When we are in negative state, we are most likely looking down. If we look up sharply (relative to our visual plane), we will interrupt the negative pattern of sinking into quicksand negative emotions.

Any sudden change physical position will help with this:

Stand up and stretch while letting out a discernible sigh.
Change your facial expression, work with facial expressions.
Go to a window lit by the sun.
Do 10 jumps in place with a change in the position of the arms and legs
Dance a funny dance, for the sake of a joke on yourself.
Massage the back of your neck with one hand and sing "Happy Birthday" at the same time.

Try this the next time you feel in a negative mood or have an unpleasant thought in your head.

2. What do you want?

Sit down and write down exactly what you want out of the current situation. Your task is to describe the final result that you would like to see. Be clear, realistic and honest. Be specific in your description. Write down even the dates when you would like to see the results.

if you have clear plan and you notice what relates you to negative thoughts about what you don't want, you can just concentrate on this list.

Also, when we consciously do this exercise, we can realize that those random material things that we thought we needed are not needed.

3. Eliminate from your speech: no, no.

Words like "don't", "no", "can't" force us to focus on what we don't want. Language and speech have great power and can influence our subconscious, and accordingly, our feelings. If you find yourself using a negative word, consider whether you can replace it with another word with positive value. For example: instead of saying "I don't want war", say "I want peace".

4. Find the light

Darkness goes away only when there is light (for example, light from a lamp, or the sun). Similarly, the negative can be replaced by the positive. Remember that no matter what happens to us on external level, or how bad things seem to us in our thoughts, we can always choose to speak and see things positively.

I know it's hard to do when you're in a storm of emotions, but I firmly believe that we can learn something new from every situation we face.

Look for your lesson. Find an acquisition for yourself in the situation, no matter what it is: something material or mental understanding of something new, or personal growth. Find the light so you can get rid of the darkness in your mind.

5. Give in

Give in to our ego's eternal need to be right, to blame, to be spiteful and vengeful. Surrender in the face of the moment. Give in to the urge to worry about the situation. Be attentive. Watch your thoughts and learn to separate your thoughts from your personality. Your thoughts are not you.

The game will reach its logical conclusion, regardless of whether we succumb to emotions or not. Trust me, the cosmos will follow its course, and what needs to happen will happen. If we don’t give in, we will simply wind ourselves up for no reason, and our body will suffer as a result.

6. Zone of influence

When we are in a bad mood, we can easily fall into a vicious cycle of negative emotions. We will not get better if we are among people who also complain about the same problems. It won't help us feel better.

Instead, find a group of people with a positive outlook on life. If we have such people next to us, they will remind us of what we already know deep in our souls, and we can begin to realize goodness and positive sides life. When we are in a bad mood, we can draw energy from them to rise above problems and a negative state.

Just as being around negative people can negatively affect you, being around happy and optimistic people can increase our awareness and help us get out of this unproductive state.

7. Gratitude exercise

Grab a notepad and pen and find quiet place. List (in as much detail as possible) everything for which you are grateful in your life: what happened in the past or in the present, or what will happen in the future; it can be relationships, friendships, opportunities or material gains.

Fill out the entire page and use as many pages as you have things you are grateful for. Be sure to thank your heart and body.

It's a simple yet underrated way to help us focus on what really matters. This exercise can lift our spirits. It also helps us gain clarity and remind ourselves that we have many things to be thankful for.

No matter how bad things are, we always, absolutely always have something to be thankful for. For that matter, we have the gift of life, we are free to grow, learn, help others, create, experience, love. I also found that silent meditation for 5-10 minutes prior to this exercise and visualizing everything on your list after the exercise makes the process more efficient. Try it yourself!

9. Breathing techniques for relaxation

Most of us breathe shallowly and only get air into the upper lungs. Deep breathing exercises will help our brain and body get more oxygen. Try it:

Sit up straight in a chair, or stand up.

Make sure that the clothes do not press anywhere, especially in the area of \u200b\u200bthe stomach.

Breathe in through your nose. Exhale through your mouth.

Put one hand on your stomach.

As you inhale, feel your arm rise as the air fills your lungs up to your diaphragm.

As you exhale, feel your hand return to its original position.

Mentally count your inhalations and exhalations, gradually align them so that both inhalation and exhalation last the same number of counts.

Gradually add another count as you exhale.

Continue counting as you exhale until the duration of the exhalation is twice as long as the inhalation.

Repeat this breathing rhythm 5-10 times.

Keep your eyes closed and remain silent for a few more minutes after finishing this exercise.

9. Laugh!

We can't laugh and be upset at the same time. When we make physical movement that it takes us to laugh or smile, we instantly begin to feel cheerful and carefree.

Try it now: smile your most wonderful smile. I need the most sincere and wide smile! How are you feeling? Did you experience an immediate surge of joy? Have you forgotten about your problems for a while?

Make a list of movies that make you laugh and keep them at home. Or date a friend who has a sense of humor and can really make you laugh.

10. Forgiveness

I say this to all my little vengeful rascals. I know that the thought of forgiving your "enemy" seems counterintuitive. The longer you hold grudges, the more painful emotions you will experience, the greater the strain on your body, and the more damage you will cause to your health and well-being in the long run.

Failure to forgive someone is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the enemy to die. Only it will never happen.

11. Click the elastic band

Wear an elastic band around your wrist at all times. Any time you notice a thought that could take you into a dreary negative cycle, click the rubber band. It might hurt a little. But it really teaches our consciousness to avoid such thoughts. Pain is a great motivator.

12. Identify and Get Rid of Your Triggers

Sit down and use brainstorming» Write a list of signaling words and activities that evoke this negative emotion in us. Maybe it's the word "divorce", or someone's name, or going to a certain restaurant.

Make a promise to yourself that you will eliminate any mention of these "triggers" in your life. If we know something is going to upset us, why would we let it happen?

13. Determine for yourself what anger brings

List all the things you gained when you were angry. When you're done with the list, go through it and count the number of positive items that actually contribute to your well-being. Yes, and besides, "the desire to cause the other person to suffer and be in pain" is not considered "contributing to your well-being."

This exercise helps us bring more awareness, rationality, and clarity to a situation.

14. Strive for completion. Solve the problem

Don't prolong a situation just to "win" or "prove yourself right." This is not reasonable for any of the parties involved.

If we just give in external events and consciously choose not to pay any attention to them, this does not mean that we sit comfortably and let the others trample on us.

Take action to help you take the next step and move closer to solving the problem. Be proactive and thoughtful. The sooner you solve the problem, the sooner you can free yourself mentally.

Anger, anger, irritation are negative emotions that can worsen relationships with people, and life in general. They are hard to control. Sometimes they justify their behavior and words. But it's negative affective reaction a person - that is, something that does not last long, but proceeds very rapidly (here we mean emotions). The stronger the anger, the stronger will be his reaction. In this state, a person often has a red face, and he is ready to literally smash everything around, or at least a source of irritation.

In a fit of anger, people often commit rash acts, for which they then have to pay in literally- money or deal with the resentment of loved ones or others. Anger and excessive anger most often plays a negative role in a person's life. That is why it is so important to learn how to deal with it.

Anger is an emotion. Therefore, it is not entirely correct to talk about how to overcome anger or stop being angry. Rather like learn to control your emotions generally. You will have to fight not only with anger in particular, but rather with yourself in the manifestation of your emotions. Having gained control over your condition, it will immediately become much easier to live, it will be easier to build relationships with people and you can avoid many mistakes that occur due to incontinence.

How to control anger?

First of all, you need to understand for yourself that if attacks of anger are repeated often (more than once every two weeks), then this is not a good sign. It may indicate the presence of mental disorders of a different nature, ranging from stress, neurosis and ending mental illness. If you decide to deal with anger, then this is already good. This means that you have admitted that you have a problem. They took one of the most difficult steps in changing themselves, they decided to fight their character.

Briefly, we can highlight the main prerequisites for the emergence of anger:

Stress, psychological stress, fear. These factors can be in combination, or they can act as separate reasons. When a person is afraid, all his internal reserves are mobilized, anger will be as a way of protection from a threatening situation.
as an acceptable form of behavior. Almost everyone has people around who, without a twinge of conscience, shout at others, are rude, or even get into a fight at the slightest provocation. In this case, anger acts as a dose of adrenaline and a way to get pleasure - a person likes to make sure that he is much stronger than others, this gives him sadistic pleasure.
As a way to express excessive stress. There are people who do not show their negative emotions for a long time. Tension builds up inside. There comes a moment when a person at a time “splashes” everything out.

If you understand what exactly causes irritation most often and why it occurs in specific person to specific situations, it will become easier to control your excessive anger and irritability. It is necessary to approach this problem more reasonably, with a minimum of emotions and subjective experiences. Only facts. You can prepare yourself in advance for the fact that irritation may arise.

Can anger be normal?

It can be a variant of normal behavior, adequate to the situation. In the event that a person manifests it in case of danger (imaginary or real) or it occurs one-time, from excessive emotional tension. Excessive anger cannot be normal in the philistine sense. Constant irritation is always bad. You need to look for reasons first of all within yourself. External factors- most often not causes, but only phenomena predisposing to anger. Internal factors - fatigue, stress, disappointment, fear can also be favorable factors for the manifestation of malice. How to deal with irritability and anger in this case? Think about yourself, about your condition. Get more rest and relaxation. Sometimes it's good to let go. Everything can resolve itself.

Anger is a normal human reaction to the dissatisfaction of needs, if it is expressed in socially acceptable forms and does not infringe on anyone's rights. Anger comes in moments when it is impossible to get something or achieve something. Sometimes it is more expedient to reduce your requirements for others, and try to satisfy your needs in acceptable ways and pacify emotions.

Reasons for anger

Psychology considers anger reactions with different points vision. Some authors in psychology believe that if a person can control his emotions, then he will be able to solve many problems in the development of his personality. Some, on the contrary, believe that since emotions are short-term reactions, they do not require careful analysis. Perhaps, if anger and anger are subdued to reason, life will actually become easier. This is on the one hand.

But on the other hand, a person cannot be a robot. Moreover, emotions help to understand another person. Anger, like any other emotion, can play both a negative role in a person's life and a positive one. It often acts as a defensive reaction. Or when a person takes a defensive stance. When he thinks little of how to control his anger or irritability. His thoughts are occupied with protection from surrounding or external circumstances. Especially, it concerns children.

Anger can be a signal to others, such as approaching dangerously. In fact, there can be many functions. But for the person himself, manifestations of anger and irritability are more likely Negative influence to the general condition. Anger depletes the psyche, makes it more vulnerable. That is why it is so important to know how to curb your anger and spitefulness. A person begins to get angry and annoyed when something goes completely different from what he intended or wanted.

The main reason is the inability (unwillingness) to restrain oneself at a particular moment. Not the circumstances that this moment cause irritation, namely the inability of a person to specific circumstances not to be angry and not angry.

How to get rid of anger?

It should be noted right away that you need to fight not with one-time manifestations, you need to deal with internal reasons anger and try to eliminate them. If you notice that attacks of anger began to occur relatively recently, then this is a clear sign internal stress. You need to work with him. Get to know yourself first. Why are you expressing your negative emotions. How to overcome anger? We note right away that it is unrealistic to completely get rid of this. People can't keep themselves rigid all the time. Negative emotions sometimes need to be shown.

If anger is the norm for you, that is, it is your constant companion, and all your friends are already used to the fact that in which case you tear and masquerade, then it’s already more difficult. Anger has turned into a character trait, and you will have to fight not with anger, but with your wickedness.

In the case when anger is only a one-time way to “relieve” tension, it rarely occurs, then there is no particular cause for concern. Unless, of course, people suffer too much from this.

Ways to deal with anger:

open verbal expression. Examples: “I’m so angry now, I’m ready to kill everyone”, “This situation makes me terribly angry, I don’t know how to influence it anymore”, “It annoys me when people do this. Why are they doing this?" It's okay, even if these phrases sound in raised tones. The main thing is not to overdo it.
Physical exercise. In the case when you feel that anger slowly takes possession of you, try to find a way for intense, short-term physical activity- squats, push-ups, running, lifting and dragging heavy objects. Enough 3-5 minutes, the anger will recede. Even brisk walking will do. After that, you will be able to express your indignation in a more civilized way.
Autotraining (internal training). Special breathing exercises Or even just deep breaths in and out. Account to yourself, and if possible, then out loud there will be more the best way. Not necessarily in order. You need to "load" the brain with any mathematical operations, even if they are complex. This will only be a plus and will help to restrain.
You can go to eat or drink tea. Food has a calming effect. Gives energy. And delicious food can relieve irritation. Chocolate, cakes, sweets. Sweet gives good mood. Let it be for a while. But this time will be enough for the negativity to go away. It's hard to be mean all the time.

You just need to remember that these methods can help if there are no serious internal problems. Anxiety, fear, unrest only provoke outbursts of anger and aggression. It would be naive to think that anger attacks can be dealt with easily and simply. This process can take many months. All difficulties must be overcome gradually. Especially if it has become a style of behavior. Then uncontrolled outbursts of anger are already turning into rudeness and incontinence, into an inability to control oneself.

In the life of almost every person, sometimes such moments come when dark clouds of anger, anger and irritability gather over him. In a rush emotional overstrain he loses his sense of self-control, ceases to control himself and is no longer able to soberly assess everything that is happening around. The whole world seems to a man overcome with anger, hostile from his own internal aggression. In such a situation, he can “break wood”, commit rash acts, which, after a strong nervous attack, he will bitterly regret.

Even though anger is considered normal reaction a person to the stimuli of the outside world, not everyone wants him to prevail over all other emotions and rule over the actions of a person, controlling him like a puppet.

How can you calm your anger?

If you are overwhelmed by a wave of indignation, jogging will help calm your anger. fresh air which makes a person forget what caused bad mood and negative emotions. After spending time in this way, a person feels a rush vitality, improvement internal state and feels harmony with the environment and with himself.

It should be noted that calming anger by taking out the accumulated negativity on people is not the best solution to the problem. Not only will you not feel relieved after the anger spilled out, but you will also understand that your uncontrollable emotions have negatively affected those who are nearby. This method only leads to quarrels, showdowns and misunderstandings. Therefore, in case you feel that you are no longer able to deal with the onset of anger, a great way to get rid of it is to beat the pillow in order to destroy all the negativity.

You can also calm a person in anger in another way: invite him to throw out negative emotions with the help of a cry. But for this you need to choose deserted places so that no one can witness everything that happens. We must not forget that close people should not become a target into which arrows of anger and bitterness fly.

Also, a great way not only to suppress the feeling of anger in yourself, but also to relax, feel lightness and harmony in your body, is meditation. It is very difficult to learn this, but regular training helps to strengthen the internal state and teaches you to control all the negative emotions that periodically flare up in a person’s soul.

According to the advice of many psychologists, in moments of angry outbursts, one should not engage in sports that are inherently aggressive. For achievement emotional peace and peace of mind it is recommended to postpone such activities for a while and use your strength and energy for relaxation, activities that pacify and relax.

Anger, like other emotions, is subject to all people, but not everyone knows how to curb bouts of anger or do not attach due importance to this. Most people consider fits of rage and anger to be a normal reaction to conflict situation, imagining it something like this: "I will scream or hit and I will certainly feel better." This is a huge misconception, since the expression of bouts of uncontrollable anger also negatively affects a person’s health, as well as holding it in oneself.

How to deal with bouts of anger and irritation

The most effective and healthy way out of similar situations is self-control. Do not allow bouts of anger in your life, stop, as they say, in the bud.

When anger begins to overflow, pause. At this time, think about the situation, imagine how ridiculous you will look, starting to scream and prove something. And most importantly, fits of anger will entail new conflict.
Provide yourself with healthy physical fatigue. Go in for sports, if there is a dacha or a garden with a vegetable garden, go and work.
Respect your opponent, whoever he is. Listen to the opinion of the person with whom the dispute or quarrel arose, perhaps his proposals are not so bad. And the ability to make concessions and the presence of healthy self-criticism earns respect from the people around you.
Learn to distract yourself if you feel the approach of a fit of anger. All even the most serious problems sometimes you have to put it on the back burner to allow yourself to relax. Switch to other activities and other people, take care of the house, children.
If you feel irritable in yourself (whether due to what circumstances: fatigue or something else), try to remain calm. An attack of anger can be stopped by abruptly switching to some business. Few people respect people who strive to raise their every problem to the world level. All people have their own concerns, so do not think that your reasons are above all, respect and reckon with others.
It is important for the prevention of anger attacks to share your problems with confidant: a close friend, parent, lover or psychologist. Let the advice received not be productive or not at all. The main thing here is to speak out and in a conversation look at everything from the outside, and most importantly, to feel support and participation.

Don't ask too much. People often idealize those around them, attributing to them what they are, in fact, not capable of, and when they do not see what is expected, they become very annoyed. Appreciate everyone and do not build castles in the air, everyone makes mistakes.

How to deal with anger on your own

It is not uncommon for us to take our anger out on innocent people. As a result of this trick, a fair part of the day is spoiled, you are haunted by a nasty feeling of guilt, and it is unlikely that you will be able to establish relationships again. But something has to be done about it.

Here are eight surefire ways to get over your anger:

As calmly as possible, count to 10, 20.50, choose the number yourself, as the wave begins to calm down, consider that the attacks of anger are defeated. Stormy emotions last about 17 seconds, so it is better to restrain yourself during this period.

If the people around you are deliberately trying to unbalance you, find a convincing argument for yourself so that the person becomes completely indifferent to you. Significance this method in that you are conscious, you become not a participant, an observer from the side of your attack of anger.

Find an anchor word for yourself, at the mention of which you will change the tactics of your behavior. For example, saying the word "stop" you become indifferent to everything that happens around.

A great way to overcome a fit of anger is to turn on your imagination and imagine your irritant as a small child. An attack of anger will evaporate like a summer cloud.

Decide once and for all what is more important to you: strong nerves, health and peace of mind, or a destructive fit of anger and war with an opponent.

Always keep in mind the wonderful moments of life. Remember them during a fit of anger - this is great to help cope with emotions.

Change the rhythm of breathing, move from stormy and rapid to measured, deep and even.

Treat what is happening with humor. Smile. Perhaps this will bring your interlocutor to a frenzy. But what do you care? Your nerves are more valuable.

Fighting bouts of anger and anger does not mean that you have to turn into a rag that you can wipe your feet on and must put up with arrogance and rudeness. In no case! But believe that it is more effective to fight arbitrariness by remaining calm, common sense and clear mind. And frequent bouts of rage and anger will only exacerbate the situation, which can develop into a senseless brawl.

Attacks of sudden anger are just another emotion along with fear and anxiety, and at the same time in society it is considered negative. Let's take a closer look at it and learn how to deal with anger.

Basically, fits of anger arise as some absolutely normal defensive reaction, let's say, to an insult, some kind of grief, as well as an encroachment on freedom, on one's property, on own life or the life of someone close to you.

This is one of the main emotions, with the help of which man, as a species, has survived at various evolutionary stages of his development. It feels like anger fills a person with a huge sense of unreal strength and incredible self-confidence, an overabundance of energy to carry out an attack, to overcome various dangers and all kinds of difficulties of life. This largely allows him to survive in rather difficult and sometimes dangerous situations, to perfectly protect himself, his loved ones, his property, his interests.

Throughout the civilized world, as such, the need for brute physical self-defense has been substantially reduced. But at the same time, a certain psychological security. And sometimes not only in quite justified situations. Quite often different emotional instability and frequent stress makes many people overly sensitive, so it’s not at all dangerous situations can be perceived as a kind of attack, and thereby launch a response emotion of an attack of anger.

Thus, it can be said that fits of anger are quite natural reaction modern man, and the common advice to "calm down" and just "ignore" is absolutely useless in reality, as it simply does not work.

In any critical situation, mother nature gives a certain energy to solve a particular problem, which very often does not suit a person. Thus, a fit of anger is the exact opposite of fear. The more significant the attack, the more decisive, the more effective the person.

AT further action can have different development:

Many people give the offender a reason for disagreeing, explaining their fit of rage and anger, or show some aggression. Others suppress this emotion, hide it for the time being in themselves, while directing all the negative energy inward. In the end, as a rule, they accumulate and hold it back until the most suitable occasion, in order to pour it out onto an accidentally turned up source that dared to break the harmony of the entire fountain of negativity. But it’s better to clarify in advance how to deal with bouts of anger.