How to understand yourself and your thoughts: advice from a psychologist. Effective ways to understand yourself and your feelings

On average, about five thousand thoughts rush through a person’s head per day, and some of them are unconscious. Most often spinning in the head intrusive thoughts in connection with some experiences, events. People play them over and over in their heads. You can stop this flow, choose what to think about yourself and how to perceive the situation if it comes life stage on which it is not clear what to do next, where to go.

Questions to help you understand yourself

Psychologists say that for self-development and introspection, it is useful to ask yourself questions. Sometimes it’s worth stopping and thinking, deciding on your desires and goals. If attention is not paid to understanding oneself, the sense of individuality is weakened. Further, a person begins to succumb to someone else's influence and lead a lifestyle that moves away from his main goal.

Personal questions for yourself:

• “What five words describe me as a person? » This will identify key characteristics.
• “What are my shortcomings? » Most often, people focus on trying to get rid of shortcomings. They just need to be accepted, everyone has them without exception.
• “Do I like to take risks? » This will determine attitudes towards uncertainty.
• "What are my strengths? » When a person is aware of all his strengths, he begins to build his life most productively, including the personal sphere.
• “What makes me different from the rest? » It is these exceptional qualities, quirks, ideas that distinguish one person from another.
• “What am I lying about and why? » Sometimes we lie to ourselves. To understand yourself and solve problems, you need to tell yourself the truth.
• “What movies, shows and books do I love? » Analysis of the answer will allow you to better understand yourself as a person.
• “Do I take responsibility for my mistakes, or am I looking for someone to blame? » By blaming others for their mistakes, people get stuck in place. Taking responsibility for your life will speed up the process of achieving the goal, and the ability to forgive will allow you to let go of difficult situations.
• “If my house is on fire, what three things will I save? » By answering this question, you can understand what things you have attachment to and what makes you happier.
• What needs to happen in order for me to truly live? » Most live as if their life is a draft.
• “What am I avoiding? » Look your fears in the eye.
• “Do I feel guilty easily? » Some individuals tend to blame only themselves for all the troubles of mankind. It's time to let go of the bad feeling.

Career related questions:

• What is the most comfortable environment for me to work in? » This is to determine the ideal working environment.
• “Does competition motivate me? » For some, competition pushes them to reach their goal.
• What is more important, family or career? » It is a defining factor in lifestyle.
• “Is my productivity higher in the morning or in the evening? » Success directly depends on lifestyle. To make your life more productive, you need to decide on biorhythms.
• “Which word do I use more often, “yes” or “no”? » If yes, then this means the inability to refuse and the fact that public priorities are higher than one's own. There is no desire to work on weekends - which means you should learn to refuse.
• “Am I a patient person? » This factor determines whether there is enough strength to achieve the goal or not.
• “Who and what inspires me? » The answer to this question will help in solving the problem of creative block.
• “Who and what exhausts me? » By limiting contact with these things or people, you can increase your productivity.
• Am I more comfortable being alone or with company? » This question also applies to work: you need to understand where it is more comfortable, in public or in your office.

How to become a beautiful and well-groomed girl

How to understand that a feeling of love has arisen?

Love is not only wonderful feeling, which was praised at all times by artists, writers and poets. It is also a series of biochemical reactions in the human body. If it is difficult for a woman to understand her feelings for a particular man, she should listen to her body. Some reactions of the body are signs of falling in love, caused by an increase in the level of certain hormones:

1. 1. At the sight of a person for whom there are feelings, there is a rapid heartbeat. This is caused by an increase in the level of adrenaline. The palms become sticky and sweaty.
2. 2. The next sign is obsessive thoughts. This involves a decrease in the hormone serotonin. Memories and ideas begin to emerge spontaneously, any object reminds of a loved one.
3. 3. If a girl thinks that her boyfriend is perfect, this indicates love. There is a loss of appetite, insomnia, euphoria - manifestations of an increase in the level of dopamine. It is this hormone that is responsible for addiction.
4. 4. Another love hormone is oxytocin. It contributes to the preservation of feelings for a long time.

The longer the relationship, the greater the decline in hormones. Therefore, these signs are relevant at the beginning, over time they become less pronounced.

To understand your feelings towards a guy, you need to analyze the situation. First you need to understand why doubts arose and where their root is. The following advice from a psychologist will help in this matter.

Closeness with the person should be valued. Common topics, interests, goals, hobbies - then problems should not arise. They appear when there is difficulty, stiffness or tension in starting a conversation.

There is a method for checking yourself, which is suitable even for a teenager. For a while, communication with the person breaks. You can't call, write, or even meet. If possible, combine this with a trip. A change of scenery helps put everything in its place and streamline your thoughts. If after that there is a feeling of indifference, then you can interrupt the connection forever.

Sometimes this method is confusing. In this case, it is worth talking frankly with your partner about the situation.

The article tells about how to understand yourself and achieve your desired goals.

In the life of every person there are moments when he seems to be standing at a fork in the road, and does not know which way to move. Sometimes these moments of crisis are directly related to difficult situation job dissatisfaction, or personal life. Sometimes they have no apparent cause and appear as if out of thin air. One way or another, it interferes with your life and brings anxiety. How to understand yourself and your thoughts: advice from a psychologist.

In order to understand oneself, a person needs specificity. Just sit down and analyze. Better with a piece of paper and a pen. Ask yourself concrete questions and try to give specific answers. Try to formulate the problem that worries you in understandable words. If you succeed, you are half way to success.

After realizing what you do not like in the current state of affairs, make a plan to get out of this crisis. Learn to better organize the events of your life, plan your steps and time. You don’t want to get bogged down in endless “needs”, while not moving from your place? Realize the uniqueness of every moment in life, learn to use it to the maximum. Live here and now. How to understand yourself and your thoughts: the advice of a psychologist will answer this question.

• For starters, you can be happy. If you are prone to introspection, then you think, you exist! A huge number of "human units" live like zombies, or robots, mechanically doing the same things day after day, and do not even ask such questions.
• You understand that if you don't go anywhere, you won't get anywhere. Therefore, separate the wheat from the chaff, the significant from the minor, and act. If you are not satisfied with the salary - ask for a raise, if you want a raise - attend courses to improve skills, get additional education. If it doesn't work, change jobs.
• Family problems? Talk, find out, explain. Say directly about what the partner does not suit you, or offends you, this will raise your self-esteem and reduce the reason for dissatisfaction with yourself. After all, often the reason for our throwing is precisely the belief that something is wrong with us, overdue claims to ourselves.
• If you realized that life circumstances are such that they cannot be moved off the ground yet - be able to accept this and be patient. Take it easy. Remember the age-old wisdom about the need to change what you can change, accept what you cannot change, and the ability to distinguish one from the other.
• Look at your life philosophically. Realize that life is cyclical, and after the black stripe, the white one will certainly come. Think about life, about the people you know, whom you want to be equal to. Remember that they also had difficult moments, but they coped and are now satisfied with life, happy, successful.
• Sometimes your problems are kind of farfetched. All you need is a little distraction, going to a theater performance, or meeting with old friends for a cup of coffee in a pleasant place, having a good night's sleep at last. Perhaps in a couple of days you will look at your life from a different angle, without the former tragedy.
• Confusion in the soul and depressive notes come back to you? Feel free to visit a psychologist, although it is not very common for our mentality to share problems with a stranger. You need to understand that in front of you is a doctor, a person who has studied for many years to help people solve their problems. personality problems. With his advice, a psychologist will help you understand yourself and your thoughts. And - the joy of life and peace of mind will definitely return.

Often, negative thoughts and feelings prevent us from enjoying the good things in life. Gradually, we begin to think about the bad more and more often, and immersion in negative thoughts becomes a habit that is difficult to eradicate. In order to overcome this habit (however, like any other), it is necessary to change the way of thinking.

When we are worried about something, the last thing we need is for negative thoughts to increase stress, so it is very important to learn how to cope with endless stream thoughts. In this article we will talk about how to save yourself from unnecessary experiences.

Steps

Change your way of thinking

Think about today. When you are tormented by anxious thoughts, what do you most often think about at that moment? You are probably reliving the events of the past (even if everything happened a week ago) or thinking about what will happen in the future. In order to stop worrying, you need to remember the present moment, about today. If you shift your attention from what has already been or will be to what is happening now, it will become easier for you to stop perceiving everything too negatively. But, as is often the case, this is not so easy to do. In order to learn to live in the present, you must first learn to concentrate on what is happening to you literally at this very moment.

• There is one simple technique: look at a calming image (photo, painting). This will allow your head to rest and let go of everything. bad thoughts, and this happens only naturally - that is, when you do not intentionally try to get rid of thoughts and do not wait until you finally succeed. This is a very simple but effective way to calm down and relax.
• If that doesn't work, try distracting your mind by counting from 100 to 7, or choose a color and search the room for all the objects of that color. So you can get rid of the chaos in your head, and then you can again focus on the present moment.

1. Don't lock yourself in. One of the consequences of focusing on bad thoughts is often an increasing distance between you and the world around you. If you decide to get out of your shell and reconnect with the world, you will have less time and energy for bad thoughts. Do not scold yourself for negative thoughts or emotions - this will only make things worse. You may have often thought about the fact that you really dislike someone, and then felt guilty about such thoughts or angry at yourself because of it. Because of this perception, causal relationships and incorrect attitudes are strengthened in the head, which become extremely difficult to get rid of over time. Below we present a few simple ways switch from your inner peace to external.

   Develop self-confidence. Self-doubt in all its variety of manifestations often becomes the main cause of heavy thoughts and strong feelings. This feeling constantly haunts you: whatever you do, it is everywhere with you. For example, when talking with a friend, you constantly worry about how you look, what impression you make, instead of just talking. It is necessary to develop self-confidence, and then it will be easier for you to live a full life and not torment yourself with destructive thoughts.

   • Try to regularly do something exciting - this will make you feel confident in your abilities. For example, if you are good at baking pies, enjoy the whole process of baking: enjoy kneading the dough, enjoy the aroma that fills your home.
   • When you develop the ability to live happily this moment, remember this feeling and reproduce it as often as possible. Remember that the only thing keeping you from feeling in the present is your perception, so stop tormenting yourself with self-criticism.

   Understand how consciousness works

   1. Analyze your attitude towards negative thoughts or feelings. Since bad thoughts are often just habitual, they can come as soon as you stop looking after yourself. Promise yourself not to focus on these thoughts, because you need to learn not only to let them go, but also not to allow new ones to arise.

      Watch yourself. Determine how thoughts or feelings manage to control you. Thoughts have two components - the topic (what you think about) and the process (how you think).

      • Consciousness does not always need a topic - in cases of its absence, thoughts simply jump from one to another. Consciousness uses such thoughts in order to protect itself from something, or in order to calm and distract from something else - for example, from physical pain, from fear. In other words, when it works defense mechanism, often the mind is just trying to cling to something to give you a topic to think about.
      • Thoughts that have a specific theme have a completely different character. Perhaps you are angry, worried about something, or thinking about some problem. Such thoughts are often repeated and always revolve around the same thing.
      • The difficulty lies in the fact that consciousness cannot be constantly absorbed by a topic or process. In order to correct the situation, it is worth remembering that thoughts alone cannot help the cause. Often we do not want to let go of thoughts and feelings because we want to better understand the situation: for example, if we are angry, we think about all the circumstances of the situation, all the participants, all the actions, and so on.
      • Often our desire to think about something is either simply think it turns out to be stronger than the desire to let go of thoughts, which greatly complicates the whole situation. The desire to think just for the sake of the process of "thinking" can lead to self-destruction, while this struggle with oneself is another way to escape from the situation that originally caused thoughts. It is necessary to overcome the desire to constantly comprehend something and learn to let go of thoughts, and after a while the desire to let go of thoughts in all cases will be stronger than the desire to scroll through something in the head without stopping.
      • Another problem is that we are used to considering thoughts as part of our personality. A person is not ready to admit that he himself can cause pain and suffering to himself. There is a generally accepted opinion, according to which it is believed that all feelings regarding one's "I" are valuable. Some feelings lead to negative experiences, others do not. Therefore, it is always necessary to look closely at thoughts and feelings in order to understand which ones are worth leaving and which ones should be let go.

   2. Try some experiments.

      • Try your best not to think of a polar bear or anything out of the ordinary, like a crimson flamingo with a cup of coffee. This is a rather old experiment, but it reveals the essence of human thinking very well. By trying to refrain from thinking about the bear, we suppress both the very thought of it and the thought that we need to suppress something. If you specifically try not to think about the bear, the thought of it will not go anywhere.
      • Imagine that you are holding a pencil in your hands. Think about what you want to throw it. In order to throw a pencil, you need to hold it. While you are thinking about leaving him, you are holding him. Logically speaking, a pencil cannot be dropped as long as you are holding it. The more you want to throw, the more force you hold it.

   3. Stop fighting with your thoughts. When we try to overcome any thoughts or feelings, we try to gather more strength to strike, but because of this, we cling to these thoughts even more strongly. The more effort, the more load on consciousness, which responds to all these attempts with stress.

      • Instead of trying to forcefully get rid of thoughts, you need to loosen your grip. A pencil can fall out of your hands by itself - in the same way, thoughts can leave by themselves. It may take time: if you tried to forcefully eradicate some thoughts, the consciousness could remember your attempts, as well as its response.
      • When we go through our thoughts in an attempt to make sense of them or try to get rid of them, we do not budge, because there is simply nowhere for thoughts to go. Once we stop dwelling on this situation, we let them go.

   Learn new things

   1. Learn to manage your thoughts. If a thought or feeling comes back to you over and over again, there are plenty of ways to keep it from engulfing you.

      • Surely there is a movie that you have watched many times, or a book that you have re-read. You always know what will happen next, so you are not so interested in watching a movie or reading this book again. Or maybe you've done something so many times that you don't want to do it again because you know you'll be bored. Try to transfer this experience to the situation with thoughts: as soon as you lose interest in thinking about the same thing, the thought will go away by itself.

   2. Don't try to run away from negative thoughts and emotions. Are you tired of the exhausting thoughts that are always with you, but have you really tried to deal with them? Sometimes a person tries to pretend that something is not there, instead of accepting it. If you do this with negative thoughts or emotions, they can stay with you forever. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, and then let go of the emotions you no longer need. If your mind forces thoughts and emotions on you, it can make you judge yourself. There are many manipulative mechanisms in our minds, and we are not even aware of many of them. Consciousness manipulates us because it seeks to control us through dependence on a variety of things and strong desires. By and large, we are driven by our addictions.

      • Remember that your happiness is in your hands, that feelings and emotions should not determine how you manage your life. If you allow past or future worries and obsessive desires to control you, you will never be able to live a fulfilling life.
      • Manage your own thoughts. Turn them inside out, change them - in the end, you will understand that you have power over thoughts, and not they have over you. Replacement negative thoughts positive - this is a temporary measure, however, it can also be extremely useful in right moment. It will be easier for you to let go of thoughts if you feel that you yourself are able to control everything.
      • If your thoughts revolve around a problem that you have yet to solve, try your best to think of ways to get out of it. problem situation. Do everything in your power, even if the situation seems completely hopeless.
      • If your thoughts and feelings are related to a sad event (such as the death of a relative or the breakup of a relationship), allow yourself to feel the sadness. Looking at pictures of the person you miss, thinking about the good things you've had together, and crying if it makes you feel better - it's all human. It is also helpful to write about your feelings in a journal.

   Remember the good

   1. Don't forget to remind yourself of the good things. If you're stressed, tired from work, or just feeling overwhelmed, bad thoughts can come back. In order to prevent them from completely absorbing you, use special methods of dealing with unwanted thoughts that will not allow them to take root.

      Practice visualization. This method will be especially useful for those who are very busy and who do not have enough time to relax. It is necessary to imagine in detail some pleasant place: it can be a memory of a place where you had a good time, or a fictional place.

   2. Think about your achievements. The world gives us many opportunities to enjoy life: we can help others, finish our chores, achieve certain goals, or simply get out into nature with family or have dinner with friends. Thinking about pleasant things develops self-confidence and makes us more receptive to good things.

      • Give thanks for what you have. For example, write down three things for which you are grateful to the universe. So in the head you can quickly “put things in order” and get rid of the flow of thoughts.

   3. Take care of yourself. Poor health will prevent you from fully enjoying life and remaining optimistic. When a person takes care of his body and takes care of his state of mind, negative thoughts and emotions simply have nothing to cling to.

      • Get enough sleep. Lack of sleep lowers vitality and does not contribute to good mood so try to sleep at least 7-8 hours a day.
      • Eat well. A balanced diet will allow your brain to get all the elements it needs. Include enough fruits and vegetables in your diet.
      • Go in for sports. Regular physical exercise will help you not only always be in shape, but also fight stress. Both will contribute feel better and will allow you to get rid of heavy thoughts.
      • Limit your alcohol intake and do not take drugs. Alcohol is a depressant and even small amounts can throw you off your emotional balance. This also applies to most drugs. Limit your use and state of mind will improve.
      • Seek help if you feel the need. Care about mental health no less important than attention to physical health. If it is difficult for you to cope with the thoughts that torment you on your own, seek help from a specialist: a psychologist, a social worker, a priest - and they will help you return to your usual life.
   • Remember that feelings and thoughts are like the weather: bad weather replaces a sunny day. You are the sky, and feelings and thoughts are rain, clouds and snow.
   • The more often you perform the exercises described above, the easier it will be for you to find a common language with yourself.
   • Understanding the thought process helps effective fight with negative thoughts. A simple exercise will help you with this: sit down, relax, observe your feelings and reactions. Imagine that you are a scientist who needs to study how a person works.
   • Everyone likes positive emotions and joyful sensations, but they also pass, and we cannot constantly keep them in our head in the hope that there will be no others, less pleasant. However, you can remember these feelings when you need to calm down and stop thinking about the bad.
   • See a psychologist if a constant stream of thoughts is interfering with your daily life.
   • Close your eyes, "look" at the thought, and tell it to stop. Keep doing this until the thought goes away.

   Warnings

   • Attempts to forcibly get rid of some sensations or emotions will cause a defensive reaction in the body.
   • If necessary, contact a specialist. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
   • It is impossible to completely protect oneself from shocks, as a person changes and reacts to external impulses. It is not in our power to force the body to work differently.

We are all the same: often dependent on public opinion, we control our actions and actions, we analyze each situation. And, without realizing it, we find ourselves in a cycle of emotions and a stream of thoughts that deprive us of the opportunity to enjoy life.

Experts call this condition an overvoltage or a process of constant thought process. It usually starts with nonsense. For example, your husband said something unpleasant at breakfast. What is said hurts you, and during the day you do not stop thinking about it. You play out all sorts of scenarios of consequences, plan what countermeasures to take, try to understand why and why the "fermentation effect" occurs. A certain chain begins to line up in the head: one thought clings to another.

Giving in to our thoughts, we get out of control and into literally drowning in the stream of consciousness.

Constant thinking can become a habit and greatly change your life for the worse. It can paralyze your development: it will seem to you that everything is so bad that you should not even try to change anything. In addition, this can lead to really serious consequences, which you will regret, not realizing your mistake. Who thinks a lot, does little. While we continue to think over all the details of the situation in the past, analyze our actions and words, we actually lose our present. AT worst case you can fall out of reality for a long time and not understand what is really happening.

Why is this happening?

Why do so many people fall into this trap? The fact is that our brain does not know how to work differently.

Thoughts are mixed in the head, and for any thought contained in the brain there is stable association, simultaneously arising in our head. Our brain immediately gives out several options for the possible outcome of the situation, we ourselves are not able to determine which of them is correct, and we follow any thought suggested by him.

Sometimes the sequence of thoughts is clear to us. For example, if you think that yours is going to visit, you immediately remember that you do not have time and start thinking how to get out. Any sane person would simply decide to buy prepared foods from the supermarket or order food from a restaurant. But a person prone to "profound thinking" will endlessly lose various options: "What if the mother-in-law decides that I don’t know how to cook or that I don’t respect her? Then she will regret that her son chose such a worthless hostess. And what if later she tells him this, and we quarrel because of this" . And so on... As a result of such a thought process, a terrible conclusion will appear: "I am clumsy and worthless." Isn't it horror? Thoughts are like a flood that rolls on you from the top of a mountain - it is impossible to stop it.

Each of us has negative impressions from some events that occurred in the past, worries about the future. Large quantity time we are not aware of their presence in the head. But as soon as we bad mood, the reason for this can be anything, even bad weather We get caught in a cycle of negative thoughts. This state of affairs can last indefinitely.

Studies show that women are more prone to this type of behavior than men. Almost all women are very responsible. They need everything to be under control, they are more demanding of themselves. Secondly, women have a lot of worries. What is their day? Take the kid to school, then go to work, then pick up the kid and cook dinner for everyone. Let's take any family holiday - the entire responsibility for organizing the table falls on the fragile shoulders of a woman: she is in the kitchen in the morning, brings dishes all evening, and in the end washes the dishes. This kind of running will make anyone dizzy!

How to deal with it?

If you are often in this state, elementary rest will not be enough. You need to start acting right now and be consistent in your decision. The first and most difficult step is to recognize that your restless thoughts are causing you harm and suffering. Fighting this habit is not so easy, and besides, there is no universal way for any person. However, there are several options to overcome this problem.

Let thoughts appear and disappear, but do not interfere with your life. Learn to control them - and you will soon feel how it became easier for you, and see how beautiful this world is.

Discussion

The article is very relevant! Sometimes such rubbish gets into your head that you can go crazy! Thanks to the author, I think those simple rules that she deduced will help many, including me, not to focus too much attention on various nonsense

03.12.2008 00:16:49, Lion cub2 02.12.2008 15:50:30, Galina

Great, much needed article!
We don't always think about the need to forgive ourselves more often! Maybe then
fewer mistakes!

01.12.2008 23:46:47, Olya

just in time

01.12.2008 18:39:23, Camilla

Comment on the article "Do not drown in your thoughts"

Not a single person is able to be impeccable in his thoughts and deeds, but we all try - parents do not orphan children ahead of time (how will they be left without us?), children with feasible humility with a loss that is so long in illness - slowly ...

Discussion

Please read Nyuta Ferdmesser from Vera Hospice....
Strength to you

Perhaps I will write chaotically, but so far it does not work out differently. My dad recently died, it’s not right to speak of cancer, my heart could not stand it, but this is a consequence of cancer treatment. He had great faith in the cure and fought with all his might. There was an operation and several chemotherapy, but metastases began and increased very quickly, he was losing strength literally before his eyes. My aunt's husband was dying of cancer, painkillers no longer helped, and the whole entrance heard his screams. I prayed for only one thing - that dad would not live to see this. It seems to me that at certain moments it is better to just let go, not to add torment. It is very difficult, but if a person does not have the strength to fight, just try to understand him and let him feel your love and support. Strength to you all.

I'm sad. I fried a lot of delicious cheesecakes and for some reason I eat them ..... Yesterday I was at a birthday party, outside the city. The young guys were guests, everyone was in their thirties .. they stupidly threw vodka in the heat in the first 30 minutes. Music tyntstyntstynts..cool cars...expensive sunglasses and iPhones)) talking about nothing. The longing is terrible .. An hour later, the heat and vodka did their dirty work. Drunk everyone .. hot ... boring) jumped into the pond with rotten muddy standing water. I sat on the sidelines, and with horror, behind this bacchanalia ...

Discussion

The question, probably, is different - how did you get there?

Funny sketch.
Well, since it came to coffee, it was quite well noted))
And I again have an evening of discoveries today, I watched a film about Chanel on TV, for some reason I climbed to look for a biography. The fact that she was a kept woman was saddening. This is the number ((A beautiful story about a hardworking and ingenious Self-made woman - a fairy tale? It's a pity.

Py-sy
I looked at the photo album, left a comment to the back))

29.07.2012 23:04:36, readerNice

I often hear that it is impossible to come to an agreement with a teenager: he does not listen, he dismisses advice, and even is rude ... But you can agree, you can! You just need to set the child to talk. Well, he has lost the habit, or he thinks that you will not understand him, that his thoughts are not interesting to you; and if you ask, then only to find fault and / or give instructions. So how to talk heart to heart if the child does not want to talk? To begin with, it is worth trying to catch the right moment. There are times when...

V. A. Plungyan "Why languages ​​are so different" Human language- the greatest gift of nature! We owe him the opportunity to communicate, to transmit our thoughts at a distance. Thanks to language, we can read books written many centuries ago, which means we can use the knowledge accumulated by our ancestors and preserve our knowledge for future generations. Without language, there would be no humanity! How many languages ​​are on earth, how they are arranged; how and under what laws they change; why are some of them related...

I can’t!! Nothing works for me ........ I turn every side to my weight loss, to my body, to my thoughts ... I roar, yell and just howl ... I threw off, scored, threw off Some kind of vicious circle .... I don’t know who to turn to and what to grab onto ... Either I don’t eat at all, then I overeat. I just HATE food !!! Why do I need all this ?? After all, everything was fine .Well, I was a little overweight, but not to the same extent?? Why, why did this happen to me??? And most importantly ..... WHAT WITH THIS ALL FAT NOW ...

Recent times he has a bad habit, he constantly says what thoughts he has in his head and mostly bad ones.

Discussion

All the same, I think it attracts attention. For the first time, maybe it really came to mind ... and then, seeing your reaction, it became interesting and began to invent ... but this is so to say right off the bat, without looking ... And so you need to know deeper to say more precisely. He tells me dreams ... he invents ... I see ... but he is so interested in me that I would listen to him.

Thank you all very much for your replies! And did not expect to find any response.

The points.
1. The child is not overloaded, I will not paint by the hour, but it turns out something like this. I got up - they play for 30-40 minutes before breakfast, breakfast, after breakfast copy (well, not copy, but circling various letter-like figures in a notebook), then take a walk, after a walk lunch, sleep 1.5-2 hours. Evening 2 days School of Music, 2 days choreography. Then in the evening he plays at home again, dinner, after dinner Smeshariki ® + good night kids ©, after - reading letters.
AT percentage 20% of classes, 80% of fooling around, or even more in the direction of fooling around.

2. Both the choreography and the music school - he is "high" (sorry for the jargon), he goes there with great pleasure. They tried to go to drawing, he didn’t like it - they quit.

3. There are friends, a sufficient number, the relationship is quite to itself. On a walk, they rage like that. We live outside the city, so we have here expanse to drive them.

4. ".... when a child does not have a strong enough character (stubborn and selfish)" - yes, indeed, what is not there is not. We even worry sometimes that he is "too" honest and decent or something. Apparently there will be problems later at school, but he can’t do anything, character is character.

Excessive attention is really possible, because when the younger one appears, we try to caress the older one at every opportunity, so that, God forbid, he does not have the idea that he is unnecessary and all that. Probably "overwhelmed", this option is not excluded.

These thoughts of his are naturally discussed. My wife is more impulsive person+ he sits with him all day, she is ready to “heap” on him, but I strictly forbade it. Of course, we discuss all this and conduct explanatory conversations.

Once again, thank you all for your attention, the main thing that I learned is that not only we are asked such questions, so everything is fine. Send the book to download) -

05/14/2008 04:04:03 PM, reading

my husband realized that he was not made for a family, already having two children. He lives with us, because he loves children, and I, as a wife, do not interfere, he, by the way, also me, good man, helps, communicates ... But he dreams of loneliness, he is disappointed with family life. You see family life- this is some kind of, but work, duties, obligations, punctuality. But I need a flight of fancy, the muse came - I did it, no - I didn’t, I forgot, I overslept - no one complains, and so that no one makes noise, distracts, doesn’t wake up and doesn’t bother ... And with children it’s almost impossible. He may not love me properly, yes, but I am sure that if we separated, he would never marry again, he does not need it. He keeps complaining that he provides for himself without problems, working a couple of days a week, and it’s hard to pull the whole family both in terms of money and everything else ... Well, I don’t kill him for complaining, although unpleasant, but he does everything ... So, it is very good when a person knows that he does not need it, and does not start a family. I now understand very well the words "not made for the family." My husband, moreover, is phlegmatic, loves loneliness, does not like to talk, share something with someone. Why then does he need a partner, a family? And he loves children, they already exist ... It’s difficult with love, of course, he hasn’t lost his head from you, and there’s no need for it. And since he has not lost his head, first of all, he takes into account himself, but this does not mean that he does not love you. It just means what he said. He likes his way of life, he does not need a family for happiness. You can love someone, but tell you, if you love - we will live in a hut (or some other absurdity incompatible with your life) - you will not agree either. Love is love, but one should not forget about one's direction of life either. I have great respect for this young man of yours, it is much worse to find out that someone is not meant for a family, having lived with him for ten years, simply because he did not know this when he got married either. And you're still lucky :)

14.05.2008 03:14:46, loves - dislikes - loves

Maybe written chaotically, but already confused in my thoughts. And what will this resentment grow into? Is it still a divorce? Probably, this is how mothers-in-law breed, constantly quarreling husband and wife.

Discussion

I got divorced after 34.5 years of marriage.

04/10/2018 08:50:57, Lyudmila....

I have exactly the same situation. Only we live only five years. My mother-in-law does everything for us to get divorced. She doesn't even hide it. I'm the bad guy in the world. As she says that I took her son away from her. Not only does she pour mud on me, my family, she writes nasty things to me, threatens, but she also shakes her husband's nerves. He is glorified by "what the world is worth." I already feel like I hate her. It’s just a pity for my husband, it’s not his fault that his mother is sick in the head. I also thought it might break. But this is not the way out. Although my husband stands up for me, he screams at her like that and sends. Maybe this is wrong, but in my opinion, if a person does not understand and is trying to destroy your family, something must be done. The family will collapse, it will not be better for anyone, there will be another and there will be the same story. Learn not to let her into your life. Maybe I'm wrong, but the husband should stand up for you, and why your nerves can't stand it.

I must say right away that I didn’t have anything similar, so the considerations have not been verified by experience. In no case would I tolerate such behavior: speak only calmly, do not react to screams at all: "I can't hear screams!" In addition, because the child requires something all the time. It is necessary to understand what it is connected with: Jealousy for the little one, the desire to be the same baby? Then one strategy, if the unwillingness to do something yourself - another. Then you can calmly respond to many cries-requests: offer to bring what is required, wash it, etc. yourself.

01.08.2006 16:36:37, L