A friend is very worried about how to help him. How to calm and cheer up a crying person? How to help your child deal with problems

Did your girlfriend, friend or stranger have a misfortune? Do you want to support and comfort him, but you do not know how best to do this? What words can be spoken and what should not? Passion.ru will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Grief is a human reaction that occurs as a result of some kind of loss, for example, after death. loved one.

4 stages of grief

A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:

• shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that happens, insensibility, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, problems with sleep.
• phase of suffering. Lasts 6 to 7 weeks. It is characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, impaired memory, sleep. The person also experiences constant anxiety, desire to retire, lethargy. There may be pain in the stomach and a sensation of a lump in the throat. If a person is experiencing the death of a loved one, then during this period he can idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, experience anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
• Acceptance phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. It is characterized by the restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan one's activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but attacks occur less and less.
• recovery phase begins after a year and a half, grief is replaced by sadness and a person begins to relate to the loss more calmly.

Is it necessary to console a person? Undoubtedly, yes. If the victim is not helped, then this can lead to infectious, heart disease, alcoholism, accidents, depression. Psychological help is priceless, so support your loved one as much as you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that the person does not listen to you or does not show attention - do not worry. The time will come and he will remember you with gratitude.

Should you console unfamiliar people? If you feel enough moral strength and desire to help, do it. If a person does not push you away, does not run away, does not scream, then you are doing everything right. If you are not sure that you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do it.

Is there a difference in comforting familiar and unfamiliar people? Actually - no. The only difference is that you know one person more than the other. Once again, if you feel the strength in yourself, then help. Stay close, talk, engage in general activities. Do not be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.

So, let's look at the methods of psychological support in the two most difficult stages of experiencing grief.

shock phase

Your behavior:

• Don't leave the person alone.
• Gently touch the victim. You can take the hand, put your hand on the shoulder, relatives can be stroked on the head, hug. Watch the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch, does he repel you? If repels - do not impose, but do not leave.
• Make sure that the comforted person rests more, does not forget about meals.
• Keep the casualty busy with simple activities, such as some sort of funeral arrangements.
• Listen actively. A person can say strange things, repeat himself, lose the thread of the narrative, now and then return to emotional experiences. Refuse advice and recommendations. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand it. Help the victim to simply speak out his feelings and pain - he will immediately feel better.

Your words:

• Talk about the past in past tense.
• If you know the deceased, tell something nice about him.

Can't say:

• “You can’t recover from such a loss”, “Only time heals”, “You are strong, be strong”. These phrases can cause additional suffering to a person and increase his loneliness.
• “God’s will for everything” (helps only deeply believing people), “Was exhausted”, “He will be better there”, “Forget about it”. Such phrases can greatly hurt the victim, because they sound like a hint to reason with their feelings, not to experience them, or even completely forget about their grief.
• “You are young, beautiful, you will get married / have a baby.” Such phrases can cause irritation. A person experiences a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from it. And he is invited to dream.
• “Now, if the ambulance arrived on time”, “Now, if the doctors paid more attention to her”, “Now, if I didn’t let him in.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. First, history does not tolerate subjunctive mood and secondly, such expressions only increase the bitterness of loss.
  

  Your behavior:

• In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
• Give to the victim more water. He should drink up to 2 liters per day.
• arrange for him physical activity. For example, take him for a walk, take physical work at home.
• If the victim wants to cry, do not interfere with him to do it. Help him cry. Do not hold back your emotions - cry with him.
• If he shows anger, don't interfere.

Your words:

• If your ward wants to talk about the deceased, bring the conversation to the realm of feelings: “You are very sad/lonely”, “You are very confused”, “You cannot describe your feelings”. Talk about how you feel.
• Tell me that this suffering is not forever. And loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
• Do not avoid talking about the deceased if there are people in the room who are extremely worried about this loss. The tactful avoidance of these topics hurts more than the mention of the tragedy.

Can't say:

• “Stop crying, pull yourself together”, “Stop suffering, everything is over” - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
• "And someone is worse off than you." Such topics can help in a situation of divorce, parting, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare the grief of one person with the grief of another. Comparative conversations can give the person the impression that you don't care about their feelings.

It makes no sense to tell the victim: “If you need help, contact / call me” or ask him “How can I help you?” A person experiencing grief may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little - take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema with him. Sometimes it has to be done by force. Don't be afraid to be intrusive. Time will pass and he will appreciate your help.

How to support a person if you are far away?

Call him. If he does not answer, leave a message on the answering machine, write sms or email e-mail. Express condolences, report your feelings, share memories that characterize the departed from the brightest sides.

Remember that it is necessary to help a person survive grief, especially if this is a person close to you. In addition, it will help to survive the loss not only to him. If the loss has touched you too, by helping another, you yourself will be able to experience grief more easily, with less loss for your own. mental state. And it will also save you from feelings of guilt - you will not reproach yourself for the fact that you could help, but did not, brushing aside other people's troubles and problems.

Olga VOSTOCHNAYA,
psychologist

Who among us hasn't had a hard time at least once in their life?

There are times when we despair and hysteria.

In this case, it is important that there is a person nearby who is ready to listen and support.

How to calm a person?

in hysterics

How to calm a crying person? At times in a person, you can resort to some measures that will help to cope with this condition.

Depressed

It is very difficult to communicate with a person suffering from. After all, it's not just that it will linger for a few days, this condition can last for months..

All that you can do for a person is just to be there all the time, to go through this difficult path together.

Remember that you need help after the end of the "acute phase" when a person becomes easier and he gradually returns to life.

Be there all the time.

Even if it seems to you that a person does not need it and he does not understand at all that you are nearby.

Help him. You will have to collect all your patience, refrain from any advice, they are absolutely not needed for a depressed person.

Bring more light into his room, bring fresh flowers. Try to cook his favorite food. Let him know that he is not alone and should not be afraid to be alone. Say nice things to him more often. Show more tenderness hug him.

Most importantly, be sincere. Speak only what you feel, do not pretend. After all, the patient can understand this, and this will aggravate his recovery.

What cheers up a girl? Learn about it from ours.

In anger

There are 4 main ways to help calm an angry person:

A person whose relative dies

How to comfort a person who has lost a loved one? If you do not and do not know how to behave in such a situation, then it would be best to bring a person who has experienced it.

But the meeting must be organized unobtrusively. Tell carefully that there is a person with the same problem, and he will be able to help.

If a person is a believer, then you can seek help from a priest. The help of a specialist in psychology also does not hurt.

If you knew the deceased, then remember him together. If you have shared memories, it's time to talk about them. Remember only positive things that bring you joy. And, of course, only good things need to be said.

And most importantly, you just need to be there.

Be there and listen. Lots of listening. Do not console and force to rejoice.

A person who has lost a loved one will cry and suffer, will repeat the same thing over and over. But you just need to listen to it.

Help with chores and other chores. important in this difficult periodjust be there all the time. The person needs to feel supported. This will be the best consolation.

Beloved

It is important for a loved one to know that you are there and ready to support him. Find out the reason why he is upset, hug him. The main thing is to let him talk.

Listen carefully to him, he must know that you are really interested in his problems, and not just pretending. Therefore, periodically repeating that you understand it.

Women or girls

Women tend to be more emotional than men. There are several ways to help them deal with tantrums.

How to calm a girl if she is crying?

You don’t need to immediately find out the reason, you just need to come up and hug.

Stroke on the head, gently kiss and hug. Gently ask her what happened.

In no case should you laugh at her tears or the reason why she cries, even if she seems frivolous to you. Show her that you care and understand.

Say only nice things to her. You can do some romantic act or make an unexpected surprise.

How to calm your wife?

Stay calm and reserved, no need to shout and try to prove anything.

During a period of hysteria, try to stay one on one with your wife.

Try to talk, ask a distracting question, and then ask her what happened. Give her a big hug and only say nice things to her.

How to calm a girl at a distance, for example, in VK? At a distance, reassuring a girl is much more difficult, if possible - call her, she should speak out, and you console her nice words express your support for her.

If this is not possible, then write to her VK, ask her to talk about the problems. Also write her words of support.

How to calm down a girl who was dumped by a guy?

First of all, make her go outside, you can go to some cafe or just to nature.

It will be useful for her to be among people, and not sit in her room and cry.

Do not leave her alone with your bad thoughts, distract her with something. But in no case should you immediately introduce her to someone, this will cause unpleasant associations and will not lead to anything good.

You should not say the phrase "You will find better", it usually does not help. Forget about alcohol, it will only aggravate the situation, drinking, feelings will flood over her and she may call her ex.

How to calm a friend who broke up with her husband? You need to be prepared for a huge stream of tears. The main thing is to listen and support. Bring lots of sweets, nothing like chocolate.

Make her go out for a walk. During a walk, you need to distract your girlfriend with some topics.

We can remember together funny stories that happened to you during your friendship. You can go shopping together or arrange a spa vacation.

Men or guy

It is believed that men are less emotional than women. But this is not entirely true. They just hide all their emotions deep inside. And this should not be done.

How to calm your husband?

You need to remain calm and positive, you should not sit next to your husband and start crying, such behavior will only make him worse.

Feed him delicious and favorite food. You can arrange a romantic evening.

Listen carefully to him, express words of support and hug him tightly. If a man demands that you leave him alone, then do it. But if he does not tell you anything, then be there.

How to calm a guy down when he's angry? Do not immediately say something to him, first you need to listen to him. No need to try to calm him down and tell him not to get angry.

It's best to let it cool down. When the anger passes, distract him from his problems with a delicious dinner and transfer the topic in a different direction.

How to calm a guy down when he's feeling bad? No need to try to extort from him the reasons why he feels bad. It's better to hug and hug. There will come a time when he himself will tell. Feed the guy delicious food and offer to watch some together.

How to calm a friend? Be a good listener. Let him know that you are interested in his problems. Do whatever you can to make your friend feel comfortable. In no case do not tell him that his problems are not so terrible already, that it can be worse.

You should not give unnecessary advice, if a friend asks him, then only say what you think is necessary.

How to calm your son? Express to him all your maternal love. Do not impose your questions, express understanding. Feed your son's favorite dish and tell him that everything will work out and everything will be fine.

What words to calm a man?

It is important for a man to know that you support him.

Say the following to him:“You are strong”, “I know you can handle it”, “You will succeed”, “I will always be there and will always support you”, “You can rely on me”, “If something is wrong, it's okay , Everything will be alright".

Every person has better times. It is important that he has people who ready to help at any time. After all, support is so easy, and from time to time, we all need it.

How to properly support a loved one:

Comforting an upset friend can be quite difficult. When trying to calm down, you may feel like you are constantly saying the wrong thing and making things difficult. So, how can you calm an upset friend and make them feel better? Just follow these steps.

Steps

Part 1

Be sympathetic

1. Show your friend some affection. 99% of the time, your friend would like to be hugged with a hand on his or her shoulder, or a gentle pat on the arm. Most people love affection, it makes them feel comforted and not alone. If your friend is so upset that he refuses to be touched, then this is a special case, but you can almost always start to comfort your friend by showing him your affection. Your friend may be very upset to start talking right away and these little gestures can have great importance to make your friend feel less alone.

   • Feel it. If you touch your friend and he moves closer instead of moving away from you, then you are on the right track.

2. Just listen. The next thing you can do is offer your friend a good ear. Customize eye contact, occasionally nod and make comments when necessary while your friend is talking. But basically, let your friend express himself and pour out everything he has in his chest. This is not the time for you to show your opinion or talk a lot. This is the time to let your friend explain whatever is bothering them and get a better understanding of the situation. Some problems cannot be solved, but he may feel less tragic if there is someone in the area who will step into his predicament.

   • If your friend talks a little, you can ask, "Do you want to talk?" Then clarify the situation. Perhaps your friend wants to talk and needs a little nudge, or he or she is just really upset and can't talk yet, which means all you need is just to be there.
   • You can insert small comments like "This must be so hard" or "I can't imagine what you're going through", but don't overdo it.

3. Make your friend feel more comfortable. Perhaps your friend is shaking like rain. Hug him and wrap him in a blanket. He may have been crying for an hour. Give him tissues and some Advil. Perhaps your friend stood up while talking about how upset he is about carrying a heavy backpack. Plant him. If your friend is a little annoyed, give her or him some chamomile tea. If your friend has been up all night worrying, put him to bed. The idea will come to you.

   • Your friend may be so upset that he or she doesn't care about their health or comfort. This is where you come to the rescue.
   • Don't assume that your friend will feel better if you open a bottle of wine or bring a case of beer. Alcohol is NEVER the solution if your friend is upset. Remember that it only works as a depressant.

4. Don't minimize your friend's problems. Your friend may be upset for many reasons. serious reason: Your friend has just found out that his grandmother is in the hospital. Not serious problem A: Your friend just broke up with her boyfriend after 6 months together. However, even if you know that, objectively, your friend will get over it soon, or that it's not a big deal, it's not the time to get into perspective if you don't want to be overwhelmed by your friend.

   • First, you must take your friend's problems seriously. If your friend is moping for too long because of a short-term breakup, then you can help them deal with it later.
   • Avoid making comments such as "It's not the end of the world," "You can handle it," or "It's not really a big problem". Obviously, your friend is upset because this is a big problem for him or her.

5. Don't give unnecessary advice. This is another thing to avoid at all costs. Until your friend turns to you and says, "What do you think I should do?" humble opinion. It will come across as condescending, as if you think your friend's problems can be easily solved. Until your friend looks at you through the eyes of a doe and says "I don't know what to do..." give him time before giving your advice.

   • You can just say "You should get some rest" or "Drink some chamomile tea and you'll feel much better" to offer your friend some comfort. But don't say things like "I think you should call Bill right now and sort things out" or "I think you should contact high school now,” otherwise your friend will just be overwhelmed and annoyed.

6. Don't say you understand everything. This is another way to quickly make your friend annoyed. Unless you've been in an identical situation once, you can't say, "I know exactly how you feel..." because your friend will immediately yell, "It's not the same!" Frustrated people want to be heard, but not to hear that their problems are similar to someone else's. So, if your friend is upset about a major breakup and you've been through the same issues too, you can say so. But don't compare your three-month relationship with your friend's three-year relationship, or you'll only hurt.

   • Say "I can't imagine how you feel" rather than "I know exactly what you're going through..."
   • Of course, it can be a comfort to your friend to know that someone else has been through too. similar situation and survived, but if this is not the case, then be careful with the phrases.
   • Comparing yourself to your friend is problematic because you end up talking nonsense without even knowing what you're doing.

7. Know when your friend wants to be left alone. Unfortunately, not everyone who is upset wants support and a good ear. Some people deal with problems in private, and some people may want to be left alone after talking about a problem. If this is the case with your friend, don't stay if he doesn't want to. If your friend said that he or she wants to be alone, then that's probably what it means.

   • If you think your friend might do something to himself then you need to stay and prevent it, but if your friend is just upset but not devastated then maybe he just needs time to move on.

8. Ask how you can help. After you and your friend have talked, ask your friend what you can do to improve the situation. Perhaps there is specific solution, and you can help fix it, for example, if your friend flunked his math class, and you are good at numbers and can teach him. Sometimes, there is no good solution, but then you can give your friend a ride and spend more time with him if he is going through a difficult breakup, or let your friend stay with you for a while.

   • Even if you really can't do anything but be there, just asking what you can do will help your friend feel that they are not alone and that there is someone close to him or her.
   • If your friend thinks you're doing too much for her or him, remind the friend of the times he or she was with you when you really needed it. That's what friends are for, isn't it?

   Part 2

   Do your best

   1. Make your friend laugh if the problem is not too serious. If your friend is not suffering from a significant loss, then you can cheer him or her up, make a joke, or act like a fool. If you try to cheer up your friend too soon, then it will most likely not work, but if you wait a little and then start to cheer up a friend through laughter, then it will pay off well. Laughter indeed the best medicine and if you can turn a non-offensive situation into a joke or just play a prank on yourself to get your friend's attention, then these actions will provide temporary relief.

      • Of course, if your friend is very upset, humor is not the best. the best choice For you.

   2. Distract your friend. The next thing you can do while your friend is upset is to try and keep him as busy as possible. However, you should not drag your friend to clubs or invite him to a huge party where everyone is dressed as his favorite superhero, you should come to a friend with a movie and a big bag of popcorn, or take him for a walk. When you distract a friend, some of the pain will go away, even if your friend initially resists. Don't push your friend too hard, but know that they need a little push.

      • Your friend should say something like "I don't want to have fun, I just want to be the biggest bore..." and you can say "That's funny! I love to have fun with you no matter what."
      • Perhaps your friend will spend time in his cavernous room. Simply getting him or her out of the house and into the fresh air, even if you just take a walk down the street to a cafe, will benefit him or her physically and mentally.

   3. Do something useful for your friend. If your friend is really upset, then it is likely that he or she is neglecting his or her duties or homework. And then you appear. If your friend forgot to eat, bring him lunch or go and cook dinner. If your friend hasn't washed clothes in two months, bring some detergent. If your friend's house is in total disarray, offer to help him clean up. Bring your friend's mail. If he or she stays at home and does not go to school, then bring homework. These little things may not seem like big things when your friend is incredibly upset, but they add to the relief.

      • Your friend may say that he doesn't need your help and that you've done enough already, but you should insist that you want to help, at least on the face of it.

   4. Check your friend. If you and your friend don't have identical schedules, you will inevitably spend some time without each other. But if you know that your friend is really upset, then you can't walk away from the situation entirely. You should call a friend, text her or him, or check in from time to time to see what your friend is doing. Since you don't want to annoy your friend and text him, "Are you okay?" every three seconds, you need to check on your friend at least once or twice a day if you know he's going through a tough time.

      • You don't have to say, "I'm just calling to find out what you're doing." You can be smarter if you want to come up with an excuse, like if your friend saw your brown coat, and then end up inviting him to dinner. You don't want your friend to feel like you're babysitting him or her.

   5. Just be there. Often, this is the most important thing you can do when comforting a friend. In rare cases, you may be able to solve a friend's problem, or even more so find a better solution. Sometimes your friend has to wait or work through the problem on their own. But now most time, you can be a shoulder for your friend to cry, a comforting voice to hear in the middle of the night if your friend really needs to talk, and a source of kindness, intelligence, and comfort. Don't feel inadequate if all you can do is just be there for your friend.

      • Tell your friend that no matter what the problem is, it will get better with time. It is a reality, even if it is not immediately tangible.
      • Make an effort to clear your schedule and devote more time to your friend. He or she will be very grateful to you for the efforts you have made to make him or her feel better.
   • Offer to help your friend if they have been offended. If you came to school with him and saw that he was being bullied, grab his hand and hug him. Protect him. Tell him to come with you. Even if you are the only friend he has, always protect him in a way that no one else can.
   • Hug your friend and tell him that you love him and that you are always there for him.
   • If your friend doesn't want to talk at first, don't call or disturb them! Allow him or her some time alone before you talk to her or him about the problem. Ultimately, he or she will come to you when they are ready to talk and do things better.
   • Be able to understand when your friend is upset or when he just needs attention. If he pretends to be upset all day around you and refuses to say what happened, then he's just looking for attention. If he's really upset, he won't show it much and will eventually tell someone what the problem is.
   • Take your friend out for a meal or a walk in the park! Do everything to divert his attention from what happened and entertain him!

   Warnings

   • If you are the cause of your friend's upset, do your best and apologize! No matter what happened, or who said what, or who did what, is it worth breaking a friendship over it? And if he doesn't accept your apology...think about how you hurt and offended him. Give him time and space to move away from this and maybe he will come or call you!
   • Don't make him tell you what's up if he's in a bad mood or doesn't want to talk at all!
   • Never go over yourself. If your friend says he's tired of being picked on by the school bully, don't say, "It's not as bad as last year when... (then start telling your story about yourself)." Offer to solve his problem. He is open to you, so show him your compassion!
   • Say something kind, like "I love you, no matter what you look like, what you do, and no matter who you are."

Sometimes to support a person in difficult moment means saving his life. AT difficult situation can be both close and unfamiliar people. Absolutely anyone can provide help and support - moral, physical or material. To do this, you need to know which phrases and actions are the most significant. timely help and sincere words help a person return to their previous way of life and survive what happened.

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Helping people in difficult situations

In a person's life, there are many situations in which psychological, moral and even physical help is required. In this case, the presence of people is necessary - relatives, friends, acquaintances or just strangers. Degree intimacy and the duration of the acquaintance does not matter.

To support a person, it is not necessary to have special education, enough sincere desire to help and a sense of tact. After all, correctly chosen and sincere words can change a person’s attitude to the current situation.

How to learn to trust a man

Shared experience



How to cheer up a guy

Understanding

A person who finds himself in trouble should know that he is understood. It is very important during this period to have a like-minded person nearby. If the situation is related to the loss of a beloved man or job, remembering a personal example will be the most effective medicine. It is recommended to tell how hard it was during this period and how successfully it all ended in the end. But do not focus on your heroism and quick decision problems. You just need to say that everyone has such problems, and a friend will definitely cope with them too.

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  How to deal with anxiety

  All will pass

  You need to convince the person that you need to wait a bit, and it will become much easier. The realization that everything will be fine will create an atmosphere of security and peace.

  Guilt

  In a difficult moment, it is natural for a person to blame himself for all the troubles. He tries to shift responsibility for actions to which he has nothing to do. In this case, the task of close people is to dissuade a person from this. Try to refute all possible positive outcomes of the situation. If there is still a person’s fault in what happened, you need to try to make amends for it. It is recommended to find words that will help convince a person to ask for forgiveness, which is necessary for his own good.

  Solution

  A direct question will be very effective, how can a person be helped in this situation. You can offer your own solutions without waiting for his appeal. Sincere interest and taking action will make you feel supported.

  In no case should you use the phrases: "forget", "do not worry", "do not cry", "it's even better." Attempts to “bring to life” with the help of screaming, accusations and sudden movements will not lead to anything. Such “help” can lead to a complication of the situation.

  How to support the man you love

  Representatives of the stronger sex try to restrain their emotions, so they most often close in on themselves. From this experience they become even stronger, and a spiritual wound brings not only psychological experiences but also physical pain. The girl at this moment should be as attentive and caring as possible, but in no case intrusive.

  If a husband has problems at work, which are accompanied by material losses, it is necessary to say the most important words for a man: “Money cannot affect our relationship in any way. I will always be there." This should be said as calmly as possible, with a smile and tenderness. Excessive emotionality or nervousness will confirm the man's fears that the relationship is purely mercantile.

  If the problems are related to relationships in the work team or relatives, an assurance that the girl is on the side of the guy would be appropriate here. He does not need to reproach himself and feel guilty. The beloved woman fully and completely shares his point of view and will do everything necessary for the successful resolution of the situation. It does not hurt to tell a man that he is strong and will definitely cope with problems. Feeling dignity will not allow him not to justify the hopes placed on him. SMS with words of love or poems during the working day will cheer him up. An example of such a message:

  
  

  Words of support for the woman you love

  To help the woman you love, you should start with affection and tenderness, the essence of the problem does not matter. First of all, you need to hug her, kiss and calm her down. The most necessary at this moment will be the words: “Calm down, I am near and I love you. Trust me". Then you can continue to hug, drink tea and wait for complete calm. Only after that it is recommended to calmly sort out the situation, be sure to take the side of the beloved woman.

  Assistance, both moral and physical, should be provided. You may have to talk with the offenders, sort things out, take some action. In a word - to shift part of the work on yourself. Feeling the strong male shoulder and real help, any girl will calm down, no matter how difficult the situation. A small gift, a trip to a restaurant or a theater will quickly bring her back to former life. Phone calls during the day, SMS in the form of words of love and support in prose or poetry will be very appropriate. An example of such a message:

  
  

  How to comfort a sick person

  Support for a sick person can be provided in the form of words and actions. But this is not always possible, since people can be at a distance from each other.

  Kind words

  The most valuable way to help a suffering person will be words of support. To calm the patient, you can:

  • Speak words of love. They must be repeated sincerely, with genuine participation. By voicing the phrase: “I love you very much and will always be there,” you can reassure a person, create an atmosphere of security.
  • To compliment. Sick people are very vulnerable, so they listen to every word and gesture of others. Notes on the most minor changes in appearance in better side will sound like compliments. Even if these changes are not present, it is recommended to say about their presence. A sick person is not able to perceive reality objectively. With oncology, this will give the suffering person hope for a miracle; with a serious non-fatal illness, it will speed up recovery.
  • To praise. Praise a sick person should be for every little thing, even for a spoonful or a sip of water eaten. positive attitude will contribute to the speedy recovery or alleviation of the patient's condition.
  • Keep at a distance. It will be appropriate phone call or Skype conversation. It is very important for the patient to hear a native voice, to see a familiar face. Next steps there will be constant SMS, written poems, sent pictures and all those things that the patient likes. But the most significant will be the phrase: "I'm on my way."
  • Discuss abstract topics. It is worth moving away from boring topics and giving preference to light and fun ones. We must try to remember interesting story, anecdote, tell funny news. You can try to discuss neutral topics: a read book, a movie, a recipe for a dish - everything that will interest the patient at least a little.

  Forbidden words

  Some phrases can harm a sick person. Do not talk about the following topics:

  • Disease. You should not discuss the symptoms, look for their confirmation, give similar examples from the lives of people you know. The exception can only be happy cases of successful healing.
  • Friends reaction. It is not at all necessary for a sick person to know what kind of reaction his illness caused in others. If this touched someone, let him visit him personally (do not notify about this in advance, as the visit may break and the patient will be disappointed). A reasonable solution would be to simply say hello and tell the news about an acquaintance.
  • Personal impression. It is categorically not worth telling what reaction the disease caused in the helping person or nearby relatives. Trying to demonstrate your compassion, you can upset the patient even more, because he became the culprit of the experience and continues to torment his loved ones with his position.
  • Distance. If the terrible news about the illness of a loved one caught up far from him, the best solution would be to urgently hit the road. This must be informed. The solution of issues, negotiations with superiors regarding the departure and other problems should remain secret. The patient should not be aware of matters that may be more important than him. If it is not possible to come, then you can refer to the lack of tickets, non-flying weather and other factors. Here, a lie will be to the rescue, since waiting can prolong the patient's life.
  • A pity. If the disease is fatal, the pity of loved ones will constantly remind of this, causing Bad mood and deterioration in well-being. If the disease is not so serious, then there is a risk of its complications, because the patient will think that something is not being told to him. Sometimes the patient may have a reluctance to recover, as constant pity is addictive and even simulation.

  Useful actions

  Correct actions in relation to the patient contribute to recovery or can alleviate the course of the disease:

  • Care. Some patients need constant care because they cannot do anything on their own. But even if a person does not need enhanced care, attention and care will only benefit him. It would be appropriate to simply offer to lie down and make tea. A good help would be cleaning the apartment or cooking dinner. The main thing is to correctly assess the situation and help only if necessary. Do not forcibly remove the patient from his usual duties, persistently sending him to rest. Sometimes it’s enough just to be there and let them take care of themselves. This will allow a sick person to temporarily forget about his illness and feel needed.
  • Abstraction. It is useful to distract the patient from medical procedures and talk about pills. If a person has the ability to move around, it is necessary to persuade him to take a walk on fresh air. You can visit some events, exhibitions, museums, creative evenings etc. A changed appearance should not be a hindrance, main task will convince the patient that now positive emotions much more important than the perception of others.

  Condolences after the death of a loved one

  The irreparable loss of loved ones causes severe suffering, which a person cannot cope with without outside help. In order to provide the necessary support in a timely manner, it is recommended that you familiarize yourself with the main phases emotional state in this situation:

  • Shock. It can last from several minutes to several weeks. The impossibility of perceiving reality is accompanied by a lack of control over emotions. Attacks can be accompanied by a violent manifestation of grief or complete inactivity with stone calmness and detachment. The person does not eat anything, does not sleep, does not talk and hardly moves. At this moment he needs psychological help. A reasonable decision would be to leave him alone, not to impose his care, not to try to force feed, water, start a conversation with him. You just need to be there, hug, take by the hand. It is important to carefully monitor the reaction. Do not start conversations on the topic: “if we had known earlier, we had time, etc.”. It is already impossible to return anything, so you should not provoke feelings of guilt. No need to talk about the deceased in the present tense, remember his torment. It is not recommended to make plans for the future: "everything is ahead, you will still have time, you will still find it, life goes on ...". It will be much better to help in organizing the funeral, cleaning, cooking.
  • Experience. This period ends after two months. At this time, a person is a little slow, poorly oriented, almost unable to concentrate, every extra word or gesture can burst into tears. Feeling of a lump in the throat and sad memories not allowed to sleep, no appetite. Memories of the departed cause a feeling of guilt, idealization of the image of the deceased, or aggression towards him. During this period, you can support a person kind words about the deceased. This behavior confirms positive attitude to the deceased person and will become the basis for a common experience about his death. It is not necessary to give examples of other people who have experienced more greater sorrow. This will be perceived as tactless and disrespectful. Walks, simple activities, a simple release of emotions in the form of joint tears will be very effective. If a person wants to be alone, do not disturb him. In this case, you need to constantly be in touch, call or write messages.
  • Awareness. This phase tends to end a year after the loss. A person may still suffer, but he is already aware of the irreversibility of the situation. It gradually enters the usual mode, it becomes possible to concentrate on working moments or everyday problems. Bouts of unbearable heartache visiting less and less. During this period, he almost returned to ordinary life but the pain of loss is still there. Therefore, it is necessary to unobtrusively introduce him to new activities and recreation. This should be done as tactfully as possible. You should control your words and be sympathetic to possible deviations from his usual behavior.
  • Recovery. A person fully recovers one and a half years after the loss. The sharp pain is replaced by a quiet sadness. Memories are not always accompanied by tears, it becomes possible to control emotions. A person tries to take care of loved ones, now living people, but he still needs the help of a true friend.

  If the described phases are delayed in time or do not come to change, it is necessary to urgently seek help from specialists. This state is dangerous and fraught with the occurrence of serious diseases.

  How not to get hurt

  Sincere help has its own nuances. Help is needed, but within reasonable limits:

  • You need to help only if there is a sincere desire.
  • In the case of severe grief, you need to objectively assess your strengths. If they are not enough, you should involve friends or specialists.
  • Reserve the right to personal space, do not become a hostage to the situation.
  • Do not allow yourself to be manipulated at the slightest refusal to fulfill the request.
  • Do not sacrifice your interests, work, family happiness for the sake of comforting a friend.
  • When moral or material assistance is too long, it is necessary to tactfully talk with the person, explain that everything possible has already been done to overcome the difficult situation.

  Timely assistance, a feeling of sincere compassion will help to return a person to his former life.

  And some secrets...

  The story of one of our readers Irina Volodina:

  I was especially depressed by the eyes, surrounded by large wrinkles, plus dark circles and swelling. How to remove wrinkles and bags under the eyes completely? How to deal with swelling and redness?But nothing ages or rejuvenates a person like his eyes.

  But how do you rejuvenate them? Plastic surgery? Learned - not less than 5 thousand dollars. Hardware procedures - photorejuvenation, gas-liquid peeling, radiolifting, laser facelift? A little more affordable - the course costs 1.5-2 thousand dollars. And when to find the time for all this? Yes, it's still expensive. Especially now. So for myself I chose a different way ...

What's in the article:

Comforting a person who has recently lost a loved one, or someone who is terminally ill can be difficult. Today on the Koshechka.ru website we will talk about these 2 global topics, which do not have unique solutions.

How to comfort a dying person?

superficial comfort, expressed in words: "Well, be strong!" or “How I understand you!” - much worse than simple silence nearby. Paradoxical? But this is true.

What exactly can you do to comfort a person who is mortally ill? In order to understand this, it is important to know that those who are already on the verge are making serious progress in personal terms. A lot is changing:

• little things are no longer so important, but elementary phenomena acquire special value - fallen snow, leaf fall, deafening downpour;
• there is no duty - and the desire for life is aggravated;
• communication with loved ones becomes deeper;
• increased willingness to take risks.

In other words, a person becomes much more sensitive, so every word spoken must be weighed.

How to console a person with words? Paradoxically, but the best consolation for the dying will be his words, listened to by a caring and patient interlocutor. A loving loved one who sincerely empathizes. Listen to those stories, memories, experiences, ask questions, be interested.

How can you console a person who is about to step over the border of our reality? The whole secret is not to console! And just to become even closer and dearer to him and help him fulfill everything that he was going to do in this life, but because of an incurable disease, he may not have time. Do not overprotect, albeit out of a sense of compassion, do not deprive the dying person of independence and responsibility. True, the site understands that another problem arises here - help, and serious, will be needed by a person who will lose a loved one. But more on that below.

Spend as much time as possible with the patient. If he (or she) is able to move, you can go to the sea, to another country, or just get out on a cozy picnic by the lake, feed ducks, ride horses, swim with dolphins, arrange a holiday that a sick person dreams of.

You can console a person not with words, but with some pleasant trifle ...

From the outside it seems that everything is happening, as in a sentimental film, but the moment of farewell comes, and it is inevitable ... Feelings are not at all identical to “bright sadness or melancholy” ...

How to console a person who has lost a loved one?

The question is not easy. And when you see that your friend or acquaintance is suffering from the loss of a loved one, it seems that you understand that tears, despair, depression, sometimes even unwillingness to live - this normal reactions but you still don't know what to do or what to say.

It is very important not to leave a person without consolation, alone with his grief, because unspoken emotions and experiences can sink deep and result in diseases, infectious, cardiac, psychological, a person may develop addiction to drugs or alcohol, and the risk of accidents increases.

There are many ways to comfort a person after the death of a loved one.

Sometimes just being there is enough. Hug, take by the hand, put your arm around your shoulders and just be silent. Your calmness, sympathy and compassion will be transmitted at the level of subtle matter, just through a warm touch. A person will feel that with the death of a loved one he is not alone. Of course, nothing can replace that native shoulder, but you will be there.

Calm, even conversation - always effective method if you talk with love. Let the topic of conversation be chosen by the person who has experienced grief. Perhaps someone can relax by discussing events that are simply not related to death. Others need to vent their feelings.
Try to involve a person who is experiencing the death of a loved one in some common cause. It will distract.

How to console a person who is in shock from a loss?

• Don't leave a person alone.
• Give him your touch, but if a person repels, do not impose.
• Make sure that he has enough rest so that the person does not forget to eat.
• Be an active listener.
• Say something nice about the deceased if you knew him personally.

Many people often say wrong words, clumsily comforting, but in fact, only hurting more.

For example, you should not say that a person is exhausted or that you have everything ahead. Or what - yes, indeed, this loss is irreplaceable. At the same time, do not prevent a person from expressing his emotions and experiences: get angry, cry. It is much worse if outwardly a person seems calm. This suggests that someday this grief will shed and “hit” health, both physical and mental.

Also, do not say on-duty phrases like: "If you need my help, call." After all, a person in a state of grief may simply not have the strength to dial your phone number or write. Try to “pull out” more often: take a walk, go to the cinema.

Every day someone dies, but it is still difficult for us to part with this world, and even more so to understand how best to console a person who is grieving for a loved one. I want to believe that today's tips will help you find answers to these questions.

Eva Raduga - especially for Koshechka.ru - a site for those in love ... with themselves!