New in the psychology of relationships. basic keys to relationship psychology

First, I’ll ask a question: are you in a relationship with a man now? Are they completely satisfied with you? Or do you still want to make some adjustments?

Today, humanity is approaching the moment when the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman is ready to move to a new stage. After all, established views on what a relationship should be like in a couple are no longer acceptable.

People are increasingly dissatisfied with love; they do not know how to make their relationships with the opposite sex “work correctly.” And believe it or not, it's not that bad. When something breaks in a mechanism, this becomes the reason for making changes (improvements) to it during repairs.

I believe that such an approach can be successfully used modern psychology relationships. If something goes wrong in the relationship between a man and a woman, this can lead either to their rupture, or vice versa - to the adoption of measures to “repair”, make changes and save.

Many in similar situations use advice from a psychologist or relationship coach (which I am). Therefore, here is my advice: “repair” your relationship, bring newness into it, take it to a completely different level! Make your relationship conscious!

How to implement this advice into real life? Read this article to the end and you will understand everything.

Psychology of conscious relationships

So what is conscious relationship?

I focus on the fact that I am talking about the growth of a woman’s personality as a woman, and a man’s personality as a man.

This goal is general and at the same time personal. She unites loving people in a couple.

Currently, most people start relationships only to satisfy their needs (material, sexual and very rarely spiritual).

You may not like what you hear from him. He may also find some of the things you tell him unpleasant. But in the end you will know that each of you is REAL.

Let me repeat a little: we are used to adjusting, pleasing our soulmate, because we are afraid of losing her. But this destroys relationships.

The only save option true love- be honest. Identify all the most unpleasant things in yourself, bring them up for discussion with your partner and allow him to do the same.

This leads to a feeling of insight and understanding, a combination that automatically increases love.

4. Relationships as a place for true love

Love is ultimately an experience. The experience of acceptance, presence, forgiveness, receiving heart wounds.

Sometimes we treat love as an end goal. We want to always feel it to the maximum. And when this feeling weakens or disappears altogether, we stop liking what our relationship turns into.

Love is a journey and exploration, in the process of which you come across...

The question will also periodically arise: “What do I want in this moment?. So, the answer at every moment of this path will be different. The reason is your development, your personal growth, which should never stop.

The psychology of relationships between conscious couples is designed in such a way that, based on devotion and experience, love appears and strengthens, and relationships become something no one even dreamed of.

Instead of summing up, I would like to ask...

Are you ready for such actions and changes?

After making at least one of the listed suggestions, your man may isolate himself, close himself in “his shell” or “flare up and start tearing and throwing.” And this could be the beginning of the end of the relationship. But you will understand whether he is really the one you need.

This is exactly how relationships between a man and a woman work - when there are real feelings, then making changes in the relationship is not so difficult.

How to build a happy relationship with a worthy man?

I’m telling you at the free master class “Man: Honest Instructions” - 5 days, 3 trainers, secret techniques from experts.

Thank you for your patience in studying my thoughts on the topic of relationship psychology. I will try to continue to please you with advice on such burning topics.
Still have questions? Let's start a conversation in the comments!

The most interesting articles Yaroslav Samoilov:

The first kiss with a guy, how sweet and exciting it can be. How many more happy experiences he promises to experience ahead. New novel- this is always the beginning of an unforgettable story, during which you will learn a lot of interesting things about your man. But I really want to quickly understand what the object of affection actually is, and what emotions lie in his soul. At first, the matter is very difficult, but His Majesty’s Kiss can help with this. Yes, yes, it is the manner of kissing that will tell you what to expect from your soul mate. What can you learn about a man after the first kiss?

4 kissing techniques and types of men

So, all men can be divided into four types based on the nature of their kiss.

1. Quick kiss

His first kiss is intense, and his lips or tongue are a little more tense than necessary. The partner’s activity has a slightly hysterical tint; in fits of passion, he likes to bite.

In most cases, the initiative in a relationship with such a man belongs to the girl. And no matter how confident he looks, you will always make the rules. His opinion is that you need to entertain your beloved to the best of your ability and ability. And let her decide how to do it. Therefore, do not be selfish and lead your man to such entertainment that will be interesting to both of you.

He is able to change his hobbies, rushing from one extreme to another, and therefore talk about eternal love should be taken with extreme caution. It’s better to test your feelings with time.

His pathological sociability leads to flirting and new acquaintances, and if you are jealous, then the man is not for you. On the contrary, if you are confident, calm and balanced, you will become an ideal couple who will arouse the envy of others.

2. Confident first kiss

He kisses hard, decisively and powerfully not only the first time, but always. Some, the most critical girls, associate such a kiss with a spoon dangling in the mouth.

This is a reliable man with whom it will be easy and calm. You won’t get a storm of emotions and romantic delights from him. Most likely, he adheres to the traditional view of any things. And until you get to know each other a little better, you shouldn't drag him into extreme environment, bungee jumping or snowboarding.

With such a man, a measured family life. And keep in mind: if he fell in love, he will stubbornly lead you to the registry office. But if there is no wedding in his plans, he will do everything possible to avoid ending up at the doors of the wedding palace.

Do you dream of spending your evenings in company? faithful husband capable of supporting and encouraging? Then you are simply made for each other. But if you crave adventure, an explosion of emotions and crazy days, then this person is not for you.

3. Tender first kiss

He kisses carefully, as if he is afraid to damage your tender lips, but hugs you carefully. Often such kisses turn out wet, sometimes even more than we would like.

Such a man is very affectionate and caring. Yes, this is not an extravaganza of passions. But there is so much unspent tenderness hidden in his soul! For a successful relationship, you will have to guide him and encourage him. Of course, he himself knows what needs to be done. It’s just that for this type of man, the support of his beloved is extremely important. And then he will follow you to the ends of the Earth.

And don’t expect to re-educate him if you want to see a male leader, a self-confident fighter next to you. It's easier to find someone you like more.

4. Sensitive first kiss

Kissing him is a pleasant unknown. He can kiss as he pleases, in any of the ways described above, smoothly and effortlessly moving from one to the other.

What can we say? You got the main prize. Hold him tight because this man knows how attractive he is. Relationships with him are based on mutual understanding. But to meet his expectations, you need to keep your mark. If you are confident and expressive, then your union will last a long time. But if you don’t have the desire to constantly defend the title “ Ideal woman“, then it’s better to immediately run away from him without looking back.

P The psychology of relationships between a man and a woman is a question of concern at all times. Since we live in society and one of the main tasks facing individuals is creating a family and procreation, it is important to understand what stages the relationship between a man and a woman goes through, what changes it undergoes and how to maintain a stable marriage for many years. At the same time, the rapidly changing surrounding reality makes its own adjustments to the development of relations between representatives of different sexes.

Fundamental differences

In addition to the obvious physical differences, there is a significant gap in the mental sphere between men and women. Both sexes think and perceive differently the world. It is important for men to cope with difficulties on their own, without asking for help and without showing their feelings about it. A woman needs to discuss the problem with loved ones, openly expressing her emotions, to be listened to and understood.

Men are more pragmatic, rational, and logical than women. This is the result of human evolution and the struggle for survival. From childhood, boys are forbidden to show emotions and weaknesses; they are required to be strong, persistent, and self-confident. A girl, on the contrary, should be modest, gentle, sensitive and, to some extent, dependent on a representative of the stronger sex.

The secret of a successful relationship between a man and a woman is complementary to each other. A man is focused on results, achieving goals, which is why business is a traditionally male field of activity. A woman tends to concentrate on the process: raising children, needlework, caring for flowers and animals, etc. With this distribution of marital roles, conflicts are minimized. If psychological problems are transferred to the partner, the couple is doomed to separation.

Harmony in the relationship between a man and a woman lies in maintaining a delicate balance between logic and emotionality. He seeks to distance himself from emotional relationships, maintain independence, and she is ready to dissolve in her partner.

Unfortunately, harmonious relationships between a man and a woman are quite rare today. The reason for this is the change in gender roles: the weaker sex is increasingly becoming the breadwinner, and husbands are staying at home with the children. No matter how different a man and a woman may be, the psychology of relationships is such that crises either strengthen connections and bring them to new level, or contribute to the separation of the couple.

Often a guy and a girl enter into a relationship only to satisfy their needs. But this path is wrong, since each of the partners is fixated on himself, does not see the other and is not ready to overcome the difficulties that arise. Such motives are not at all conducive to establishing strong connections. Sooner or later, such a union breaks up due to dissatisfaction of both partners.

Types of relationships between the sexes

Having set out to build a strong family union, you should know what kind of relationships exist between representatives of different sexes. These are not necessarily marital or intimate relationships. The diversity of human relationships leads to various forms interactions - from friendly to professional or spiritual. In the relationship between a man and a woman there is whole line shades and nuances.

Types of relationships between a man and a woman can be as follows:

• friendly relations - people have recently met or occasionally meet in a common company;
• friendship - communicate a lot and often, turn to each other for help and support;
• love - availability strong feelings and the desire to constantly be near;
• relationship between spouses - partners live together and run a common household;
• spiritual - love and mutual respect, personal development paired with.

The difference between friendships and friendships is a deeper level of interaction, degree of trust and openness. The strongest union turns out to be in family ties, when partners become family to each other, and the relationship will develop in the future.

Relationships between girls and boys can begin various reasons: falling in love, awareness, logical choice, etc. In any case, the union should bring joy and pleasure, a feeling of happiness and movement forward. If a couple is focused on development and creation, then they have a bright future. A man is warmed by a woman’s attention and warmth if he provides his partner with protection and takes care of her. Overcoming difficulties, crises and solving problems together will ensure a strong bond.

Working on a relationship means that everyone is willing to invest time and effort into it, openly discuss problems that arise, and look for a solution that satisfies both. Respect, love, the desire to hear and listen to each other is the key to the success of a future or already established family.

Development of love relationships

Psychologists identify stages, or levels, of relationships between a man and a woman, each of which is characterized by its own characteristics. Having successfully passed all stages, the union of two loving hearts becomes strong and indestructible.

1. Love. A relationship begins with a guy and a girl meeting. A certain attraction arises between them, a spark flares up, passion flares up. The duration of this candy-bouquet stage is relatively short (1-1.5 years), but it is this stage that is most attractive to people. The emotional upsurge and hormonal surge pass over time, and the next stage begins.
2. Stability, satiety. A sense of reality and calmness returns to the partners. Having begun stormily, the union grows stronger and gains permanence. A person realizes that in addition to a partner there are a number of other interesting people and things. The distance increases somewhat, and personal space appears.
3. Rejection. At this stage, all the advantages and disadvantages of the partner are comprehended, the effect of hormones ends and subside pink glasses, and reality sometimes looks quite shocking. Disagreements and quarrels arise more and more often. You need to have a lot of wisdom and patience to cope with disappointment and work further on the relationship, and not run away from your partner and look for a new one.
4. Tolerance. The partner is accepted with all his strengths and weaknesses as holistic personality. Value this stage in a sober perception of reality, the absence of illusions and a mature position of the individual. Mutual respect and acceptance promote development good relations.
5. Service. At this stage, partners not only accept each other, but also strive to develop the personality of the other. Love becomes unconditional, requiring nothing in return. Characteristic is the desire to share everything with your partner - care, experiences, thoughts.
6. Mutual respect, deep true love. Trust grows, the partner’s individuality becomes a value. Having gone through a series of crises together, the couple finds a kindred spirit. This is what it's all about higher meaning relationships between people.

The main thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is mutual respect and partnership, taking into account the interests and needs of everyone, and not just one party. If the balance is disturbed, one sacrifices himself for the sake of the other, submits, and the second dominates, this is a signal that it is worth reconsidering the established roles in the family.

Secrets of a perfect union

An ideal relationship between a man and a woman arises and develops when the partners have common goal- personal growth. Everyone has their own interests and hobbies that they work on (career, hobbies, friends, etc.), and are not completely obsessed with each other. At the same time, the desire for the development of a partner, the creation of conditions for this. The simultaneous development of two personalities unites them and contributes to the development of the couple as a whole.

The psychology of relationships between a man and a woman moves to a new level; two individuals, complementing each other, jointly reach heights that are practically unattainable alone. Highest level couple development - conscious relationships. They are characterized by the following features:

1. The priority of the development of each partner over personal gain from the relationship, respect for equality. The personality of both men and women, their individual needs and desires are important. A partner does not have to live up to expectations; you need to recognize him, understand him and accept him for who he is. Speaking about relationships of this kind, if a couple manages to build it, then everyone feels free and happy.
2. Partners do not carry over old problems from past relationships into new union. They solve them in advance, since unhealed mental wounds inevitably remind themselves of themselves. In the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman, weaknesses may be the following: when negative feelings, provoking quarrels, partners believe that they should separate. However negative emotions most often caused by our beliefs, unjustified expectations, i.e. The root of the problem should be sought in oneself.
3. Sincerity, trust and acceptance are key ingredients conscious relationships. Without masks, false modesty and other falsehoods, the partners appear before each other.
4. Love is like a journey and exploration of each other. Mutual respect leads to its strengthening and development, and this is the best reward for everyone.

Psychology considers conscious relationships between a man and a woman to be the most harmonious. They are the ones who contribute to a strong union between husband and wife for many years.

If we had the opportunity to look into the innermost corners of a person’s soul, we would probably see how strong is the need in everyone not only to be loved, but also to experience love and give this love to someone. We would see how much love is hidden inside each of us and to what extent this love in many cases remains unclaimed. How offensive it can be when it seems that our love - the most valuable thing we have - is not needed. Why is this happening? Let's take a short excursion into the depths of human relationships and try to find the reasons.

Let's take the first, superficial section of the psychology of relationships. Psychologists in their research have identified many factors that influence the emergence of sympathy, mutual attraction, relationships, their quality and character. The most important factor in a person’s attractiveness is his similarity to us: people whose character, interests, inclinations, beliefs and life values similar.

For example, vulnerable, anxious and sensitive person You are unlikely to like explosive, energetic and sharp. It is difficult for someone who is withdrawn and uncommunicative to understand someone who strives to be in public as often as possible. A pragmatist who judges everything from the point of view of material gain will not arouse the sympathy of a romantic who values ​​sublime feelings and self-sacrifice.

But what about the popular belief that opposites attract? Famous social psychologist Elliot Aronson, for example, believes that people become attached to each other not only because of similarities, but also because they can complement each other. However, not all researchers agree with him. Numerous experiments conducted by researchers different countries, revealed a consistent pattern: the greatest likelihood that sympathy will develop into affection exists between people who are spiritually similar. In other words, for the emergence of attachment, similar ideas about the meaning of life are more important than, for example, a coincidence of temperaments or the same speed of reaction.

According to American researchers David Bass and Sandra Barnes, when creating long-lasting and strong relationships, people highest value give the ability to be good friend and friend, attention and respect for a partner, honesty, devotion, reliability, intelligence and prudence, kindness, the ability to understand another and the art of being an interesting conversationalist.

We tend to feel special sympathy for someone who has opened up to us, who has shared something deeply hidden with us, even if it is a weakness or shortcoming, or someone to whom we have revealed a part of our inner world, soul, heart that we do not open to everyone.

Labeling skills

Psychologists have also identified the factors that cause relationships to suffer at the very beginning of their emergence. The impressions and opinions that we create about a person, our sympathy or antipathy for him, are influenced by our own stereotypes. A stereotype is a kind of label that we stick on. We involuntarily attribute a person to one of the categories that we usually use: “fun guy”, “swindler”, “crammer”, “bluestocking”, etc., and then we have difficulty changing the existing idea.

The categories into which we divide people often depend on our state and mood, but especially on our character and lifestyle, as well as the stereotypes of our environment. An ardent fighter against smoking mentally divides everyone into smokers and non-smokers, an intellectual into those with whom there is something to talk about and those with whom there is nothing to talk about, a fashionista into those who are well dressed and everyone else.

A very common mistake when perceiving another person is the “halo effect.” We are captured general impression, which determines all our assessments: if we think that a person is generally good, then he is good in everything or almost everything, and if he is bad, then he is crappy without reservations. We are surprised when it turns out that a person we like can be friendly with his friends and a despot with his wife and children.

Don't drink water from your face

An important stereotypical factor that determines the assessment of a person upon superficial acquaintance is appearance. Students from one university answered the question what qualities of a person are most important to them when they want to get to know him. It turned out that of all the qualities, only external attractiveness mattered. But all participants in the experiment were students prestigious university, intellectuals!

Cicero, however, believed that the highest virtue and the main duty of a wise man is not to be captivated by appearance. Aesop said that subtlety of mind is better than beauty of body. And Russian folk proverb states: “Don’t drink water from your face.” And each of us, of course, understands perfectly well: a person’s spiritual qualities, his ability to empathize and love are in no way related to the size of his waist or the shape of his nose. But, unfortunately, at the moment a relationship begins (and for a long time afterwards), many people forget about this. All this begins to be realized only with longer and deeper relationships.

It is a pity that because of the race for external attractiveness - if it becomes the main criterion for creating relationships - we can miss a truly close and loved one, which may be very close.

And if people know each other well and for a long time, if they experience mutual attraction on a spiritual level, the great principle begins to work: whoever is close is beautiful. There is no such beauty that would allow one to endlessly hide an evil or wretched soul. And there is no face that is not extraordinarily beautiful to a loving gaze. Greatness and strength inner beauty words that illuminate your face cannot be described!

It is here that one should look for the reasons for a situation that has been played out many times in literature and cinema, when a man, once madly in love with an irresistible vamp woman, leaves her for a plain-looking “gray mouse” who understands his heart, or when a girl prefers a soulmate to a smug handsome man. she is a person who is not endowed with a bright appearance.

Games and people. People and games

American psychotherapist, creator of Transactional Analysis“Eric Berne became the author of the original theory of human relationships, set out in the book “Games People Play.” He carefully and subtly analyzed the behavior of people in different situations, and this led him to the statement: the most a big problem arises when sincerity disappears in communication and relationships, when people stop being themselves and begin to play, instead of behaving naturally and maturely.

Berne talks about three personality states that manifest themselves differently in each of us: “Child”, “Parent”, “Adult”.

The “child” lives in a person all his life. It is the most sincere part of ourselves, manifesting itself when we think, react and feel as we did in childhood. Everyone was once little and retained in their soul the experiences and attitude of that time. The “child” is characterized by intuition, insight, emotionality, spontaneity, joy and charm, a thirst for knowledge, miracle and magic, a creative, extraordinary approach. However, in its negative manifestations, the “Child” can be capricious, hysterical, frivolous, wayward, or highly dependent on the “Parents” and someone else’s care.

The “parent” in us reasons as his father and mother or other adults once did - this is a whole complex of beliefs, norms and prejudices that arose in childhood, giving rise to certain prohibitions in us and forcing us to act and think according to the scheme “ That’s how it’s done.” From time to time such a “Parent” makes itself felt within each of us.

The personality of the “Adult” is realized as the ability to find solutions to problematic and difficult situations, show mature and creativity. Each of us has a share of the “Adult” (even in a child) - and this means that we are all capable of being independent, wise and objective.

All these three states are very important for the full development of the individual, but it is important that they are harmoniously combined. It is important that communicating people are “on the same level” and that the state that manifests itself corresponds to the situation: solve a problem as an “Adult” with an “Adult”, relax or admire something as a “Child” with a “Child”, accept important decisions like two "Parents". Difficulties arise when this rule is not followed, for example when one person addresses another as an “Adult” to an “Adult”, expecting a reasonable, calm reaction, or as a “Child” to a “Parent”, expecting help, love and support, but receives the opposite from the interlocutor. Let’s say a husband asks his wife, addressing him as “Adult” to “Adult”: “Do you know where my watch is?” Instead of calmly answering: “They are on the table,” the wife answers capriciously, like an offended “Child”: “Well, I always have to know everything,” or edifyingly, like a “Parent”: “Why do you never know where your things? Looks like he’s not small anymore.” Natural communication is disrupted by inappropriate reactions, and as a result, scandals, misunderstandings, and alienation often arise.

This is how it develops and consolidates new way relationships - Bern calls it “game”. As a result of the game, sincerity disappears; the players seem to put on the masks they are used to, hiding behind them, protecting themselves from the manifestation of real feelings. “Look what I did because of you!”, “Darling, I love you, will you buy me a fur coat?”, “I’m just trying to help you,” “Only over my corpse,” “Either me or him / she/it”... How often in communication do we resort to such games (their list can be continued) and as a result we move away from each other and we ourselves do not notice how warmth, sincerity, naturalness leave the relationship, and what remains is a kind of blackmail and manipulating each other.

Swap places

And yet one of the most important factors in relationships it is, of course, “He” and “She”, man and woman. Many psychologists and philosophers argue that the problem in relationships, in fact, arises when He and She change roles - and this is one of the problems modern society, becoming more and more acute. “She” becomes “masculine” in the house, in bonds, in relationships, and He becomes too “feminine,” unstable, pampered, weak. As a rule, such a problem arises when one of the partners ceases to show their basic qualities, and then the other takes over them.

But still, despite the substitution of concepts, in our consciousness since ancient times there has been an archetype of a Real Man and a Real Woman. And we are looking for and want to see next to us not a “second woman” (in the case of a woman) or a “second man” (in the case of a man), but from time immemorial, a man is looking for the image of his beautiful “Lady”, a Real Woman, and a woman is looking for her “ Knight”, a Real Man.

Archetype "Male Knight" Nobility, dignity, honor - in all forms Reliability and support - you can always count on him and his word Decisiveness, courage and bravery, the qualities of a “fighter” who does not retreat from difficulties and finds quick and effective solution problems Initiative, activity, spirit of adventure and creative exploration Qualities of a “father”, a “protector” of those who are weaker and of any noble and just causes Intelligence, intelligence, culture and sophistication Sensitivity, tenderness, kindness, compassion Male friendship - “one for all, all for one” Archetype "Woman-Lady" Love as the principle and meaning of life is love that can overcome all difficulties and create miracles. The ability to fight for what is dear and what you love The ability to sacrifice yourself for the sake of those you love and to love unselfishly - without demanding anything in return Beauty, internal and external, stems from love: when a woman loves, she is beautiful Refinement, subtlety, grace, a sense of beauty and harmony The quality of an “inspiring muse” who inspires others and has her own sources of inspiration The quality of a “mother” who gives and protects any Life (not only her own children). Kindness and Compassion that Come from Love Intelligence, erudition, culture and creativity based on intuition The ability to “feel with your heart” - something that you cannot see with your eyes and cannot understand with logic The ability to give warmth and comfort, create a homely atmosphere Great practicality - organization and efficiency in specific matters Woman's friendship - “from heart to heart”

Animus Anime is not a comrade

Swiss psychologist K.-G. Jung talks about the existence in the unconscious of every person of an additional part of the opposite nature. In the unconscious of every man there is a “feminine nature” - “Anima”, and in every woman there is an unconscious “male nature” - “Animus”. These properties are laid down in childhood (Anima is created based on the image of the mother, Animus - based on the image of the father) and often subsequently influence the choice of a life partner.

Anima and animus have their positive and negative aspects. Positive Anima or Animus is that unconscious part of ourselves that must be realized and developed in order to become a harmonious person. Negative Animus or Anima is something in us that needs to be recognized and overcome. This is what makes a man more like a woman, and a woman more like a man, and sometimes can even cause homosexual tendencies.

Negative Anima is strengthened by impressions early childhood, if the boy (and then the man) is “under the thumb” of his mother or is too dependent on her. Such childhood impressions are reflected in the character of an adult man, making him effeminate and pampered (“the princess and the pea”), dependent on affection, touchy, insecure and in need of the help and authority of his mother or “other half.” Trying to cover up his own weakness and insecurity, a man is forced to be sarcastic, make offensive remarks, be rude, or escape from real life and problems into pseudo-intellectual hobbies and erotic fantasies, where everything is possible in thoughts, but nothing is required in reality.

In contrast to the negative, positive Anima is the personification of all the noble and beautiful “feminine” qualities in inner world men, allowing you to develop deep life wisdom. These are intuition, insights, sensitivity to the irrational, the ability to love, compassion, care, harmony and a sense of beauty.

The negative animus in a woman is allegorically represented in the image of a “tank woman”, sweeping away everything in her path, hiding under a more or less feminine appearance a tough, rough, inexorable and cold force. Often this unconscious aspect manifests itself in the form of an unshakable conviction that one is right (especially when a woman is wrong), and such conviction is often accompanied by a desire to prick, offend, or impose one’s opinion on others, causing gross scandals and scenes. One of the most striking manifestations of a negative animus is a woman’s desire to be loved at all costs and her willingness to do anything for this. And also the resulting sense of “own territory”, evil thoughts hidden under a sweet smile, criticism, passion for gossip and much more. Sometimes a negative animus takes the form of paralysis of all feelings or deep self-doubt, sometimes reaching a feeling of complete worthlessness. Somewhere deep inside the animus whispers to the woman: “You are hopeless. What's the point of trying? There's no point in doing anything. Life will never change for the better." In life and in people, only black is seen, everything white is swept aside and not noticed.

But a positive Animus can turn into an invaluable inner ally who will endow a woman with truly masculine, knightly qualities - initiative, courage, passion and thirst for discovery, a clear, objective mind and spiritual wisdom.

What to do?

Concluding our review on the psychology of relationships, I want to focus on one thing: important issue: what interferes with manifestation true love? Let's remember some advice given by psychologists, philosophers, and simply wise people.

• There is no need to confuse love with falling in love, and one should not take wishful thinking. Everything just begins with falling in love, but love alone is not enough. At the beginning, we experience romantic enthusiasm, we see everything in a rosy light, everything seems ideal, forever, but we should not forget that love is like a strong flash of fire: it is fragile and can go out just as quickly as it appeared. It is necessary for infatuation to turn into love. And for this there is a test of time and difficulties.
• The biggest obstacles to love are selfishness and possessiveness. Sometimes we love a person, but we forget that he has his own personality, advantages and disadvantages, different from our own, and we fall in love with someone perfect image, endowed with qualities that we like, or that we ourselves have, or that we lack. When we realize the discrepancy between a person and the image we have created, we begin to remake it to our “standards”, to drive it into the framework and ideas we have set. Therefore, it is important to sometimes ask yourself the question: “What is important to us in love: a loved one or our own desires, what do we want to get from him? Any “cage” of our feelings into which we try to drive a loved one - even the golden and beautiful path - will someday become cramped for him. And he will either run away, or, even if he stays with us, his soul will be inaccessible and closed from us. Sometimes we have to make a choice between our benefit and love and... to love for the sake of love itself.
• It is dangerous to strive to be loved at any cost. Sometimes we sink to humiliation and “for the sake of love” we lose our own dignity, forget about our dreams, about own way and the meaning of life. And for what? For the sake of the pitiful crumbs that fall from the table to us - a little warmth, a drop of feelings, a little money?.. Isn’t it too much? high price for little human happiness?
• To look not for what separates us, but for what unites us. Because love will last as long as the unifying force is strong. And nothing unites in love as strongly as the desire to share the same dreams, the same ideas and adventures - and for the sake of them to fight and overcome difficulties. And vice versa, if nothing unites or the uniting is negligible, shouldn’t you think about whether this is love?
• Become a mirror of each other. Because there must always be someone who won't let us sink lower self-esteem, who will not deceive us and will always show the truth, no matter what it is. And at the same time, who will show us the most beautiful and intimate states, our abilities and virtues, which sometimes we are not even aware of.
• If we sincerely love, then even with the most terrible shortcomings, we can and should always find something bright and kind in a person. In psychology, there is a concept of self-confirming prophecy. Its essence is that if we think about loved ones better than they really are, then they gradually become better. If, on the contrary, we underestimate them, then they will change for the worse. Therefore the most the right way To change a person for the better is not to notice and tell him about mistakes and shortcomings, but rather to treat him as if he already possesses the desired positive qualities.
• Overcoming routine in love. Love is strengthened and maintained sometimes through small and insignificant details. And how often the smallest things (which we unfairly forget) - flowers or a kiss, memories of dear moments and romance, signs of attention and care - allow us to show each other the power of love.
• Take the first step towards - in disagreements and quarrels and not show our “peculiarities” that can drive a loved one into a rage.
• If the other half is in bad mood, depression, sadness, fatigue, overload with work or problems, then do not fall under the influence, but, on the contrary, take all possible and impossible measures to eliminate these conditions.

All this can bear fruit if you understand one great truth: it takes two to love, the mutual efforts of both parties are needed.

The original article is on the website of the magazine "New Acropolis": www.newacropolis.ru

for the magazine "Man Without Borders"

Any success is based on effective interaction with other people. The ability to build relationships is needed both in everyday life, when communicating with loved ones, and during casual contacts on the street, and, of course, in the business world.

To have effective relationships with other people, you don’t have to be a psychologist. Practical psychology relationships manifest themselves in any communication. A person always intuitively uses some rules and laws, whether he is aware of it or not.

But you can still improve your relationships and make them more effective if you consciously apply certain techniques.

Psychology
relationships

The psychology of relationships touches on many different issues: social circle, emotional background, effectiveness of communication, influence on others, etc. All these topics are relevant to every person. They help everyone, regardless of gender and age, to understand themselves and make their lives happier and more successful.

After all, every person is part of the world, a large community of people. He must be able to effectively build his relationships with them and with the world. And all relationships are manifested in communication.

To make relationships with others more effective, you need to understand these people. When a person is able to understand another, he begins to treat him more tolerantly and respectfully. And respect always gives rise to respect in return. Just as the desire to understand another gives rise to a desire in him to understand you.

– an important principle of relationship psychology. Because understanding gives rise to co-experience and harmony when communication is equally comfortable for both parties. When there is such harmony, the relationship is valuable to each party, and everyone has an interest in maintaining it.

Five Keys
understanding

Understanding other people means learning to accept them as they are. This does not mean that you approve of any behavior and allow various antics towards you. You just need to understand that the other person is different from you. You may not agree with his opinions, behavior, but you must respect his values. And that's when you can create a wonderful relationship.

But to really learn to understand another person, you need to master five important principles, five keys of understanding.

Key 1. Recognize the potential of others

Every person from birth receives a set of qualities that help him fulfill his destiny, the mission for which he came to Earth. Every person is born with some potential. Often he does not even realize his potential, because... as a child he was not helped to reveal himself. But if you approach a person, initially recognizing that he is capable of the best, then everything best qualities will appear in it. This is great art - initially see there is greatness in man. Your faith and support will help other people become better people, discover their talents and change their lives.

Key 2. Listen to hear

It’s as if people communicate a lot, but somehow one-sidedly. Zhvanetsky said this very precisely: He came, asked to enter into his position - I entered, and he had already left. For many people, it is more important to dump what is “boiling in their soul.” They do not listen or hear other people. Is it possible to understand someone if you don’t hear what he is saying? When a person really listens and tries to understand, then all barriers are removed, people really meet together.

Key 3. Don't judge, but understand

If a person evaluates someone lower than himself, then he is no longer interested in him. And with him he no longer wants to build any Serious relationships. People are used to it first of all stranger estimate. This is how it happened historically. And therefore they teach that the first impression formed in the first 30 seconds is very difficult to change. But why shouldn’t the person on the “other end” allow himself to understand you? Don’t just talk about the weather, but understand what “these words” mean to you, what your beliefs are, what feelings your communication evokes. It is this attitude that allows open slightly There is something in a person that escapes at first glance.

Key 4. Be honest and open

We should always strive to live without masks and be honest to ourselves and to the world. Why pretend to be someone if you are not. Why show something that is not typical for you. There is no point in saying that you love if you are hostile. There is no point in remaining silent if you are annoyed. True feelings give meaning to relationships. Listen to yourself and be open both to yourself and to your interlocutor. The quality of relationships depends on who we really are, and not on what masks we wear.

Key 5. Help me become better

You not only need to behave openly, but also create an atmosphere in which the other person can openly express himself and his feelings. This will help him understand himself more deeply and develop his best sides. Each person can help another become better, realize their intentions and goals. Your communication can instill strength and confidence in a person, it can give him a boost of energy and inspiration to change his life.

Appreciate
a good relationship

What could be higher and more valuable than good relationships? Appreciate every person who is near you. Thank people for their support and friendship. And be a true friend yourself. and be open, regardless of whether you are reciprocated. Take the first step yourself. Improving relationships begins with changing your attitude towards people, with developing in yourself necessary qualities, with the desire to understand others. And then any relationship will bring you great satisfaction and joy.