How to respond verbally. Case of life

Instruction

First, pay attention to the emotions that you are experiencing in conflict situation. Confusion, insecurity, fear? Or maybe, internal aggression? This is normal, everyone has the right to experience such emotions. But in this situation they are not constructive. Therefore, the first step to the ability to give fight back will develop self-regulation.

If rudeness crosses all your boundaries - defend them. Severely stop the penetration into your territories with the phrases “this is not in my rules”, “this is my personal matter (beliefs, principles) and you have nothing to do with it” and others. It should, however, take into account that few people say the first time, and be prepared to repeat the second and third.

Another way to respond to rudeness is humor. Find something in the words of the boor. Let it be a phrase, a gesture, the very specifics of the situation. Laugh at what you find.

Sources:

Rudeness is invincible?

In some situations, too much emotional people they cannot control themselves, which they regret very much later. Scientists have proven that the outburst of negative emotions, contrary to popular belief, negatively affects our physical and mental health. state of mind, leaving behind a mass of complexes and psychological trauma.

Instruction

Universal Methods control over own emotions does not exist. Everyone is different, so everyone has their own approach to solving this problem. However, psychologists believe that to cope caused by external stimuli, confident people can. So if you want to learn how to hide your emotions First of all, you need to work on your self-esteem. To do this is quite simple.

To get started, write down your friends on a piece of paper in two columns. You will see that there are many more people who treat you well. Understand that they love you because you are a good person - this will raise your self-esteem a little. After that, write down your negative qualities on one page, and your positive qualities on the second. Try to reconsider your shortcomings, explain them and turn them into your virtues - this will also affect self-esteem. In addition, each day sum up for yourself a small summary of what you managed in a day. You will realize that in fact you are a strong and capable person.

Having increased your self-esteem, try to learn to treat everything with irony. It is humor that in most cases helps to cope with negative emotions and hide them. If you suddenly come across a person who wants to offend you, and instead of laughing at it, the offender will understand his weakness in front of you, and you will feel a surge of strength and confidence from the fact that you won a small victory over your emotions.

Help hide negative feelings and the use of a psychological mask will help. When you feel sad or hurt about something, pretend that you are experiencing the opposite. emotions. After a while, you will see that this will actually make you feel better.

If you are human, try to dose your feelings. For example, if you are facing a problem, do not throw out your emotions at once, react softer, pick up neutral words, imagine that this is for you. Take your mind off your thoughts until you are alone. After that, write everything that you think on a piece of paper or discuss it with one person closest to you, and you will feel better.

Man with early years life is constantly subjected to an assessment of his personality: he is evaluated by parents, educators in kindergarten, teacher at school. This process gradually takes root in the psyche and becomes an indispensable attribute human existence, sometimes very disturbing normal life, showing the ground for such destructive emotions as envy, fear, anger, etc. How to learn not to evaluate yourself?

Instruction

Stop comparing yourself to anyone else, whether it's the luckier neighbor or the richer neighbor. Accept yourself for who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses. Understand simple truth: there are no people without flaws, everyone has them and it’s stupid to get hung up on them.

Try to turn your "flaws" into virtues, and you will understand that there is no single scale for evaluating people. For example, if you are a little burr, study French, surprise your friends with your perfect pronunciation, many even like this feature of speech. Understand that everything in the world is subjective and does not exist objective evaluation.

Love yourself - this will allow you to live in harmony with yourself. Try to find more positive qualities character, develop them.

Don't participate in different kind gossip and gossip, do not discuss people, it is better to take this time more pleasant and useful deeds.

Live according to your own laws, not trying to meet the requirements and assessments of others. The thing is that those people who can actually appreciate you at their true worth will not do this. And if someone discusses your person, then this is the person whose opinion should not be valued.

Set goals and objectives that you need to achieve, strive to achieve them. There is a technique in drawing: in order to draw a line, you need to see its end point, and, despite the apparent curvature, accurately lead it to its destination; as a result, you will see that the line is really straight. No need to evaluate your capabilities - just strive for your goal.

“He who understands does not evaluate, and who evaluates does not understand,” says the old Chinese wisdom. Living by this rule, you can cope with fear and insecurity, discover joy, success, inner freedom understanding of others, leadership ... If you realize this and accept it, then you will surely find hidden internal forces and you can easily communicate with different people defending, if necessary, their point of view.

Helpful advice

Try to look at the world positively. Do not focus on various kinds of talk shows in which they like to spend so much value judgments.

Rudeness or psychological pressure - everyone has to deal with such things in life all the time. Unfortunately, sometimes the upbringing of others leaves much to be desired, so they can be rude or yell at you. It is important in such a situation to maintain self-control and respond correctly by responding to the aggressor or leaving with dignity.

Instruction

Well, if you know how to control your emotions. Usually, when a person is rude, he is lost and upset. Tears well up in his eyes, and his voice begins to break. It’s good if you don’t experience all this, realizing that an offended child speaks in the aggressor, because adults are adequate and calm people do not talk to each other. But if you feel that this touched your nerve, then tell yourself that you will not allow the offender to triumph. Imagine a situation in which this person is in a ridiculous and ridiculous way, in which his words have absolutely no effect on you. The most important thing is to try to keep calm, at least outwardly.

Sometimes it's helpful to "prepare" responses to the reactions of others if you anticipate that they will be negative and may upset you. Immediately imagine everything that can be said to you, and think about how you can answer it. Try to choose the most common options responses without focusing on specifics. Calm yourself in advance and prepare not to be upset, no matter what you are told. For example, if you have several trips to institutions where you have every chance of encountering bureaucracy, indifference and rudeness, tune in to this and get ready not to get upset. Some things do not depend on you, but they do not affect you as much as it might seem.

When you are constantly attacked or ridiculed, for example at work or at educational institution they make fun of you, and sometimes quite cruelly, then think about what makes people do it. Usually, reactions are expected from the “victims”: avoidance, fear, confusion, sometimes even tears. So just ignore the offenders or do the opposite. “Rejoice” at an unpleasant surprise or smile in response to an offensive joke and answer the person that he also looks great today. In the absence of the expected response, people are quickly left behind.

Unfortunately, it also happens that psychological pressure people face at home in the family. Perhaps your loved ones and relatives do not understand what it is like for you, continuing to convince you of something, sometimes acting quite aggressively. In this case, first learn to remain calm. You must control your thoughts and not give in to your emotions. If your family members who are pushing you are calm, then talk to them. Tell them directly that you really don't like the way they talk to you. In close relationships, it often happens that people simply do not notice that they are crossing some important line. Often it is enough to let them understand this in a calm manner, without attacking in response, as the situation immediately improves.

Instruction

First, you need to learn to control your emotions. If you are offended or insulted, and you begin to blush, make excuses, or, even worse, cry, this will add self-confidence to the offender. On others, you will give the impression of a weak and defenseless person. Therefore, it is necessary to control yourself and relax at a critical moment, keeping calm and confident look. Take a deep breath, imagine the person who was rude to you in a large glass jar through which you hear nothing, but only see how he smacks his lips funny. With this technique, you will get rid of unnecessary excitement.

Learn to control your eyes. Sometimes a bold and confident direct look can scare away a potential offender. Train at home in front of a mirror - for 5-7 minutes at least once a day, look into the eyes of your reflection. Don't look away and try not to blink. Let your whole appearance speak of superiority and self-confidence.

You can fight back the offender with a sense of humor, in other words, make fun of him in public. This requires a well-delivered speech and the ability to joke. This is not given to everyone, for some people with a slow reaction, all the necessary thoughts come after a while, so it is difficult for them to respond to attacks in their direction immediately. If you belong to this category of people, learn a few phrases that can be used to respond to insults in your direction in different situations:
“You can see that you have a lack of male (female) attention, but do not take out evil on others!”
“You can see that you are completely in life, and this is not surprising if you hate people so much!”
“I am truly sorry for you. With that kind of attitude towards people, you probably don't have friends."

Sometimes humane ways to deal with offenders do not work. Psychologists advise that if a boor person does not pose a physical danger to you, you can put his place in his own way - without embarrassment of strong expressions in his direction.

If some impudent pestering you constantly, and you do not know where to hide from his bullying, try the extreme method - to scare him. Surely, you or your friends have a familiar brutal man who is ready to stand up mentally and physically to defend good man. Sometimes this method works better than other methods of dealing with offenders. It's better than being constantly insulted.

Moreover, fathers are often indignant about filial drooling, who themselves did not know how to stand up for themselves in childhood, and even in adulthood they do not painfully resemble Rimbaud or James Bond. However, we all want our children not to repeat our mistakes and to be happier than us.

Individual approach

Deciding to teach a child to fight back offenders, first of all, it is necessary to take into account his innate characteristics. There are brave, fighting people, and there are more timid, quiet ones. If in early childhood trying to make fighters out of quiet ones, demanding that they certainly give back, and expressing dissatisfaction with their cowardice, such children can be broken. Someone completely droops and shrinks. And someone will suddenly slow down so much that they will beat everyone indiscriminately, and the parents themselves will not be happy, because in the garden or at school they will begin to make claims against them, and they will be unable to cope with the raging son. At least I know of many such cases.

The advice to send a timid child to the wrestling section is, unfortunately, not for everyone. In preschool, and sometimes even primary school age, for timid children, this is often an excessive psychological burden. For example, with tics, enuresis or bronchial asthma of neurotic origin, it is quite risky to take such steps: you can provoke an aggravation of the disease.

Looking for other friends

It is better, on the contrary, to at least temporarily remove the child from the traumatic environment, give him a rest and try to find more friendly peers for him. And at the same time help to be liberated: play more outdoor games, fight with swords (this game removes the fear of blows), play scenes in which the child will show courage and resourcefulness, suggest formulas for responding to offenders. The latter, by the way, is useful not only for timid children, but also for all those who are hurt by teasing, offensive nicknames.

You can explain to such children that only stupid and uncultured people call names, you can suggest to them a childish answer formula: “Whoever calls names like that, he himself is called that.”

Learning to call names back (as some parents do), of course, is not necessary. On the contrary, tell the child that this is indecent behavior and that they should not be upset because of it. But you should not communicate with children who behave unworthily. The fact is that many children of preschool and younger school age react to the offenders in a contradictory way: they get upset, complain, get angry, but some time passes, and if the offender calls them, they again run to play with him. That is, an unhealthy dependence arises, and parents, while the child is small, can and must put an end to this: insist that the child show dignity, stop communication that humiliates him. Thus, they will teach you to rebuff the offender, but not to stand on the same level with him.

It is useful for older children to recall the aphorism of Omar Khayyam: “It’s better to be alone than with just anyone.” At the same time, realizing that it is difficult to be one child, try to bring your son or daughter closer to more well-mannered and friendly children. They can be found among relatives, children of their friends, in the yard, in a circle or in a studio. But, even if such children are not yet visible on the horizon, it still does not matter: for preschoolers, the most important thing is communication in the family circle. When with mom and dad little child well, his life is full and interesting.

Case of life

And here is how the five-year-old boy Grisha reacted to an attempt to offend him. He loves to communicate with children very much, but he has already learned that you can’t cook porridge with bullies and it’s better to play with those who are friendly. Not so long ago, Grisha saw a little older girl on the site and decided to get to know her. However, the girl, in response to the question of her name, began to show her tongue and call names. I don't know what kind of reaction she expected: rudeness in response to further escalate the conflict, or resentful crying, which would allow her to enjoy a sense of her own superiority? But Grisha's reaction obviously took her aback.

What are you, a bully? - he asked.

N-no ... - the girl was taken aback.

Then why are you calling yourself a bully? If you don't want to play, say it politely.

And, turning away, Grisha went to look for another company (which, I note in brackets, was immediately found).

Keep hitting

As for older children, of course, they should not be treated like babies with a fragile psyche. It is useful for any teenager to work out in the wrestling section. This teaches you to take a hit, control yourself, endure pain and resentment, and not be afraid of the enemy. True, to adolescence most of the guys are already learning to negotiate and resolve disputes without fights, but it won’t hurt anyone to master the techniques of wrestling. Is there anything that can happen in life?

But most importantly, it seems to me that wrestling teaches a child to stand up not for himself, but for the truth and for other people. Concentration on oneself does not give a person confidence. Selfishness is a sign of weakness, not strength. If you strive to overcome increased shyness, fear and self-doubt, then you should shift the focus from yourself, from your feelings and experiences to someone else and try to patronize, protect, take care of him. active position gives a person the opportunity, without focusing on thoughts about himself, to overcome his complexes.

admin

Everyone faces outright rudeness and offensive attacks. Negatively minded characters are found at the place of work, in transport, in clinics, on vacation, in queues and just on the street. Not everyone can instantly react and parry in response to barbs. How to learn to fight back rudeness and insults?

How to learn to fight back offenders?

When confronted with rude people, unpleasant emotions arise:, irritation,. If you learn to control your own mood and over the mind, then attacks unpleasant person will not affect your life.

Give yourself a mindset that you can’t “hide your head in the sand” and get lost in response to rudeness. Silence is not an option, but will show weakness, which will allow the rude to amuse pride and triumph. Imagine the offender as a capricious child or an evil gnome, then they will not take over the mind, and you will remain calm.

The ability to give a decent answer to a boorish statement is a whole science. To sink to the level of an opponent is not a noble thing, but a beautiful and restrained rebuff will help and shame not for you, but for an ill-mannered rude person. Prepare a few universal phrases suitable for frequent encounters with boors.

Learning to slander, of course, is not the best thing to do. But what if rudeness and bad manners are ubiquitous these days and one must be able to defend oneself? Often, boors do not understand a polite answer and you have to communicate with them in their nasty language.

Ways to fight back rudeness and insults

How to respond to rudeness is a purely personal matter. Having mastered to perfection the methods of rebuffing offenders, you abstract from negative emotions keep your nerves and peace of mind.

The Calm Method. All rude people are essentially cowards. Their statements are aimed at ensuring that and. Do not give boors such pleasure. Express your opinion frankly, firmly and calmly, without assuming a defensive posture.

Imagine typical situation in transport:

Rude conductor: “Why are you giving 5,000 rubles? I’ll drop you off, I don’t have an exchange!”

Passenger: "Excuse me, what?"

Rude conductor: "There is no exchange!"

Passenger: “I have to go to the final stop. I will be grateful to you if by the end of the trip you can find change for me.

Method "Psychological Aikido". The method is based on using the negative boor against him. Not entering into an argument and agreeing with the attacks of a person several times, you will bring the situation to the point of absurdity. When using "psychological aikido", don't forget to praise the bully. This will definitely work! It will take practice, because by reacting in this way, the general patterns of communication will have to be broken. The method is effective. Ham is confused and disoriented.

A typical situation in a clinic:

Ham: “Are we standing here for beauty? Do you notice the queue? No eyes? Where are you going? Smarter than everyone?

Opponent: “You are fantastically attentive. I really don’t have eyes and I, thinking that I was the smartest of all, climbed first. ”

Ham: "I stand with everyone"

Opponent: “Yes, you stand like the others. I'm climbing alone here without seeing the line"

Humor method. It is often possible to reduce the boor with ordinary humor. Going to offend someone, a person changes. If you make him laugh at this moment, aggression will come to naught.
Method "Statement". Often, in order not to develop a conflict, it is enough to say that he is a boor, that is, to state a fact.
Method "Politeness of an aristocrat and patience of an angel." Polite treatment- the main nuance in dealing with rude people. Ham expects an aggressive reaction in response, and when he does not receive it, he is lost. The non-standard behavior of the opponent will force the boor to “slow down” and shut up.

Responding with insult for insult is not The best way protection. famous saying O. Khayyama says: “When you throw dirt at a person, remember that it may not reach him, but a trace will remain on your hands.” Learn to fight back rudeness and insult, not allowing negativity into your life.

February 9, 2014

Instruction

If you come to work with a new haircut or handbag and you know that this may cause unreasonable criticism from one of your colleagues, then just tell her in response: “I knew you would like it, you just don’t know how to hide envy, you need to learn this” .

Another way to respond to rudeness is humor. Find something in the words of the boor. Let it be a phrase, a gesture, the very specifics of the situation. Laugh at what you find.

Sources:

Rudeness is invincible?

Instruction

Sometimes it's helpful to "prepare" responses to the reactions of others if you anticipate that they will be negative and may upset you. Immediately imagine everything that can be said to you, and think about how you can answer it. Try to choose the most general response options, without focusing on particulars. Calm yourself in advance and prepare not to be upset, no matter what you are told. For example, if you have several trips to institutions where you have every chance of encountering bureaucracy, indifference and rudeness, tune in to this and get ready not to get upset. Some things do not depend on you, but they do not affect you as much as it might seem.

In the case when you are constantly attacked or ridiculed, for example, at work or in an educational institution they make fun of you, and sometimes quite cruelly, then think about what makes people do it. Usually, reactions are expected from the “victims”: avoidance, fear, confusion, sometimes even tears. So just ignore the offenders or do the opposite. “Rejoice” at an unpleasant surprise or smile in response to an offensive joke and answer the person that he also looks great today. In the absence of the expected response, people are quickly left behind.

Unfortunately, it also happens that people face psychological pressure at home in the family. Perhaps your loved ones and relatives do not understand what it is like for you, continuing to convince you of something, sometimes acting quite aggressively. In this case, first learn to remain calm. You must control your thoughts and not give in to your emotions. If your family members who are pushing you are calm, then talk to them. Tell them directly that you really don't like the way they talk to you. In close relationships, it often happens that people simply do not notice that they are crossing some important line. Often it is enough to let them understand this in a calm manner, without attacking in response, as the situation immediately improves.

note

If you are rude on the street, then before you respond caustically, it makes sense to think about how aggressive your opponent is. Unfortunately, the consciousness of some people corresponds to the ideals of the Stone Age, so physical impact is not something unacceptable for them. Sometimes it's better to just walk away silently if you're not ready for that kind of development.

human life in modern world provides interaction with society. So, social psychology considers three main options for existence in society:

consider only own opinion and suppress others
be guided only by the views of others
compromise

The latter is the most acceptable, as it eliminates the risk of conflicts, both external and internal. Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of adequate behavior when interacting with other members of society and therefore people often encounter rudeness. Rudeness like deviant behavior is the result of the individual's frustration with himself. In more familiar and understandable terms, when someone demonstrates negative emotions, then he is most likely dissatisfied with himself and is trying to increase self-esteem by humiliating others.

Quite often you can hear advice that unworthy behavior and rudeness must be tolerated, that is, in a Christian way, turn the other cheek. But the problem in following this recommendation is that by choosing the victim's behavior model, you will constantly provoke aggression from your abuser. For the majority, the expression is fair: human psychology perceives impunity as permissiveness, and therefore rudeness will be present in life until you yourself decide to fight back.

The fight against rudeness in society

Of course, the adequacy of the response to rudeness depends on the circumstances, because putting in place a rude person in line and, for example, your own boss is far from the same thing. However, there are several general rules that allow you to successfully avoid aggression in your address.

Recommendation one - ignore the boor. The point is that when demonstrating negative behavior a person needs something to cling to. Pretend that this person does not exist for you and he will probably switch to someone else or stop developing the conflict in principle. Recommendation two - smile, show the aggressor that his negativity does not hurt you at all.

Third - agree with the boor, so the rude person loses his "enemy", and therefore the opportunity to offend.

The fourth advice refers to some kind of suppression of the aggressor at the expense of intellect, for example, compare his actions with Newton's third law and let him think about what exactly you had in mind.

Dealing with rudeness at work

As practice shows, the psychology of relationships between people always includes a conflict, whether it is about colleagues at work, childhood friends or family. If problems arise with an employee in an equal position, then it is best to simply walk away from this situation. AT this case avoiding conflict will allow you to maintain normal relations in the team, and you will gain a reputation as a good person. In this case, if the rude man manages to create a scandal, the condemnation of his behavior will be unconditional.

If you do not take into account mobbing and bossing, then the head of the boor can be convinced of the expediency of aggression in your direction by showing your “impenetrability”: do not cry, do not make excuses and be silent. And while the boss is throwing thunder and lightning - look for another job. Take care of yourself and your nerve cells.