How calm in very difficult situations. How to stay calm in any situation

Time has gone. Everyone is relying on you. Which wire should be cut? Of course, most of us will never have to deal with the choice of deminers when people's lives depend on the right decision. However, everyday situations such as interviews, public performance and family problems can be just as difficult if we're not used to dealing with them. Knowing how to stay calm during times of stress will not only have an immediate calming effect, but will help you lead a healthier, more relaxed lifestyle over time.

Steps

Instant Calm

Stop doing what you are doing. The best way to calm down if you are already feeling stressed is to stop interacting with the stressor. Sometimes just a few seconds of distraction is enough to feel much calmer.

Before answering any remark in a dispute or in difficult situation, try counting to ten or taking 3-5 deep breaths.
Pause. For example, if an argument with a spouse becomes more serious, stop and apologize. You can say this: "I'm overwhelmed with emotions right now. I need to take a fifteen-minute break, and then we can return to the conversation." Go somewhere else, take a couple of deep breaths, and start repeating some phrase to convince yourself: "I can handle this. I can do anything."

Focus on your feelings. When a person experiences stress, the body can perceive it as an attack and force us to either fight or run. Because of this, the hormone adrenaline enters the bloodstream, which narrows blood vessels, forcing the breath to accelerate and become shallow, and the heartbeat to increase. Over time, the brain can get used to a similar response to stimuli and will automatically respond to a similar one.

Take a couple of deep breaths. When the body is forced to fight or flee, the sympathetic nervous system can influence breathing. You may find it difficult to breathe, but try to focus on taking long, deep breaths. This will restore the flow of oxygen to the blood and reduce the amount of lactic acid in the body, which will make you calmer.

Try to relax your muscles. When a person is stressed, he unconsciously tenses up and tightens his muscles, which increases nervous tension. If you learn to relax your muscles, it will be easier for you to feel calm. Relaxation techniques are based on conscious tension and relaxation of different muscle groups.

Go in for sports. Physical exercise is natural way improve mood, because during exercise the body produces endorphins - hormones of joy. As a result of a number of studies, it was found that regular exercise makes a person calmer and happier. Whatever you choose (running, gymnastics, yoga, strength training), try to devote at least 30 minutes to sports daily - this will help you relax.

Search for the source of stress
1. Think about how stress makes you feel. You may experience many different symptoms in a stressful situation. If you know what to expect, you will be able to control nervous tension. Everyone reacts to stress differently, but there are common manifestations.
  - To psychological manifestations problems with concentration, memory, distracted attention, indecision, deterioration creativity, experiences or frequent thoughts about the bad.
  - Emotional signs are tearfulness, irritability, mood swings, unusual sensations, defensive behavior, lack of motivation, desire to put things off until later, self-doubt and low self-esteem, despair, nervousness, nervous trembling, uncharacteristic aggression or anger for a person.
  - Physical signs include pain, weakened immune system, weight changes, sleep disturbances, panic attacks, exhaustion, fatigue, lack of sexual desire.
  - Behavioral signs include forgetfulness, lack of self-care, withdrawal from communication, sleep disturbances, relationship problems, inability to manage one's time, lack of motivation, abuse of alcohol, nicotine, or drugs to relieve the condition.
2. Find the cause of your stress. Is your heart beating fast because you just got cut off on the track, or because you need to show your boss a presentation? Think about it and try to figure out what exactly is bothering you. Often sources of stress are:
  - Family conflicts. Problems with parents, loved ones, or a partner can be stressful.
  - Study or work. You may feel pressured to get good grades, meet deadlines, and achieve certain goals. Stress can also make you want to combine work with personal life or the need to make important decisions.
  - Personal problems. This is a pretty strong source of stress. You may worry about not being good enough. You may have relationship, health, or financial problems that make you constantly stressed. Perhaps you are bored or lonely, or you cannot find time for relaxation and for yourself.
3. Recognize your role. Perhaps stress has become so ingrained in your life that you no longer even notice how closely you are connected with it. Stop and analyze how you perceive stress.
  - Do you often feel nervous tension, even if it is temporary? For example, you can explain your tension by saying that the week at work was difficult. However, if you often feel this tension, it means that the problem was not temporary.
  - Do you feel like stress has become a part of your personality and life? You might be thinking, "Everyone in my family is always worried. We just have that kind of personality" or "My life is just always stressful." Such thoughts make you think that there is nothing you can do about this stress.
  - Do you think someone else is to blame for your stress? For example, you could explain the stress of writing thesis strict requirements of the teacher, and not their desire to postpone work until later. This may prevent you from taking actions that would reduce tension.
4. Think about whether you are worried about the events of the past. Sometimes a person is so immersed in experiences due to past events that it affects his state in the current moment. You cannot change the past, but you can respond correctly in the present and prepare for the future.
  
  Consider if you are worried about the future. We all worry about the future to one degree or another. However, this is dangerous because you can plunge into the expectation of the future, worry about it and forget about the present moment. This is a bad habit, but you can get rid of it. Remember that the future is not predetermined.
  
  Plan development
  1. Practice relaxation. Decisions and plans should be made in a calm and relaxed state. If you are stressed or angry, it can negatively affect your ability to evaluate facts, which can lead you to make the wrong decision.
    
    Decide how you will react. As a rule, there are two types of response to a stressor: you can change either the situation itself or your reaction to it. If you cannot influence the source of stress, you can adjust your response. You can learn new techniques that will help you stay calm in a stressful situation. You can also focus on something else. Try to answer a few questions:
    - Can you avoid stress? Sometimes this is possible, respectively, it is possible to change the situation. For example, if you are constantly unbalanced by a busy work schedule, reconsider your plans and give up some things. You can also learn to turn people down and ask for help more often.
    - Can you change the stress factor? Some sources of stress cannot be avoided, but you can change how you deal with them and make a difference. For example, you and your loved one are arguing about something. This is normal even if you love each other very much. Arguments and quarrels should not cause stress when right attitude to them - for example, if you seek a compromise and express your desires directly, and not passive-aggressively.
    - Can you adapt to stressors? Attitudes and reactions to stress can dampen the impact annoying factors even if the situation cannot be changed. For example, traffic jams often piss you off, and you can't control it - you have to get to work, and traffic jams accumulate in cities around the world. However, you can adapt to the situation by choosing public transport instead of a car, finding a different route, or leaving a little earlier or later.
    - Can you deal with stressors? There are things that cannot be changed. You cannot change the feelings, actions, or reactions of other people. You can't do anything about the fact that it rained on your wedding day or that your boss is a selfish fool. However, you can come to terms with the fact that not everything is subject to you. This will allow you to perceive these situations as opportunities for personal growth.
  2. Make a plan. Sometimes you can solve the problem right away with one action, but sometimes you need to act in several stages, and this will take longer. Make a plan of achievable goals and set a deadline for all goals.
    - Many stressful situations can be avoided. If you prepare in advance for important events and have a backup plan for unexpected situations, you will not have to be nervous later. It is much better to prevent something than to deal with the consequences later.
  3. Be realistic. If you continue to be overwhelmed by stress, no matter what you do, and you cannot cope with difficult situations in time, this most likely indicates that you have set yourself unattainable goals. In a cultural context that praises a person's ability to cope with everything, it can be difficult to accept that you cannot do something or cannot do it in certain deadlines. You should reconsider the timing or adjust your expectations. If you cannot do this, then you have a situation that you cannot control. Draw conclusions from your experience and move on to the next task.
    - If you find yourself constantly falling short of someone's high expectations, stop seeking that person's approval and get rid of the martyr syndrome.
  4. Take one step at a time. A complex problem can cause negative emotions, even if you have a plan, but remember: even the longest journey starts with one step. Think of one goal at a time.
    - Be patient and don't pressure yourself. remember, that personal growth requires effort and time. If you encounter difficulties and setbacks (and you most likely will), consider these obstacles that will help you find new ways to solve problems.
  Active actions
  1. Stop putting things off until later. A person tends to put things off because of fear or anxiety that prevents them from moving forward. Perfectionism often becomes a problem as well. You can get so carried away by the need to be perfect (which can be considered something very subjective and often unattainable) that you simply refuse to make something out of fear of doing things the wrong way. Fortunately, there are special techniques to help you cope with these behaviors and the stress they cause.
    - Remind yourself that you cannot influence the outcome of the situation - only your actions are in your power. You can feel so much about the grade term paper that you are afraid to get to work. Remember that you have power over what you do. You can sit down and write great work. Everything else does not depend on you.
    - Accept the fact that the ideal is an unrealistic standard. No person can be perfect, and ideas about the ideal can be very different. Try to do everything the best way and remember that conclusions about yourself should not be based on the result. For example, a perfectionist student will rate a B with a plus on control work as a failure because he failed to achieve top score. However, another student who tries to improve all the time will perceive it differently: he knows that he did his best, and can be proud of his efforts, despite the assessment.
    - Be careful with the word "should". Statements with the word "should" can prevent you from adequately perceiving things that are beyond your control. For example, you might think something like this: Good student should always do everything without mistakes. " However, this is an unrealistic standard that no one can meet. It is better to rephrase the thought as follows: "I can try my best and appreciate my efforts even if I make mistakes. Everyone is wrong."
  2. Engage in self-awareness. Getting rid of stress is completely impossible, and you probably wouldn't want to do it anyway. Stress can be a sign that you're putting a lot of effort into what's important to you. Self-awareness techniques will help you understand when you are experiencing sensations caused by stress and accept them without judging them. This will allow you to stop thinking about stress. Here are some exercises to practice:
  3. Remind yourself of the key factors of self-awareness. It is important to understand what is happening in the current moment, to allow the situation to continue, to soberly assess it and share your emotions and your personality.
    - Recognize that something is really happening in the current moment. Consciously live this moment. Recognize both negative and positive feelings and thoughts.
    - Let the situation develop as it is. This means that you must accept your thoughts and emotions without judging them. At times I really want to condemn myself for seeming negative thoughts or reactions, so try to either avoid or suppress such manifestations. Try to find these thoughts and feelings in yourself and accept them as part of life. For example: "I'm so angry at my husband, but I'm ashamed that I yelled at him."
    - Analyze the situation. At this stage, it is important to express empathy towards yourself and others. Ask yourself what your thoughts and feelings say about your needs right now. For example, if you are angry at your husband and regret that you yelled at him, you may have negative emotions about both of you: "I bad person because I yelled at him. He pisses me off." Better try to approach the situation differently: "I yelled at my husband, and I'm ashamed of it, because I love him. I made a mistake and I admit it. My husband said something that pissed me off, but I know he loves me too. We can solve this problem together."
    - It is important not to take everything that happens personally. This means that you should not draw general conclusions based on what happened (for example, "I'm a bad person" or "I'm a failure"). Your feelings are part of your experience, but they are not you. Explain to yourself what you might have negative feelings, and unpleasant things can happen to you, but they should not affect you as a person.
  4. Pamper yourself. Sometimes a bubble bath and music is enough to relax.
  5. Record your thoughts and experiences in a diary. So you can analyze them in solitude, throwing them out of your head.
  6. If you feel like you might snap at someone because that person is driving you crazy, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and count to ten.
  7. Get some sleep. This will allow you to accept correct solution. You will clearly understand what is happening and will not be mistaken in the choice.
  8. You can talk to someone about stress, but if no one is around, write down the cause of stress in a notebook, and then describe everything in a diary.
  9. Distract yourself computer games or watching TV.
  - Don't blame yourself for everything. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the problem cannot be solved. Sometimes giving up isn't such a bad thing, so don't give up and put yourself down.
  - The wrong reaction to stress or the inability to cope with stress can take years of your life. Not everything is possible, but nothing that needs your attention will change if you just sit and resent. Effort is an achievement in itself.
  - If you get into the habit of hitting things around you when you get angry, you will become violent and aggressive person. It is better to try to dispel your anger than to pour it out on people or things. Never hit a person or another creature or make sure inanimate object that you hit won't hurt you.
  - Do not self-medicate. Alcohol and drugs may make you forget everything for a while, but your problems will not go away when you return to reality. Besides, you don't want to add a dependency problem. You yourself may not be worried about it or will not be aware of it, but it will affect people close to you.

In our crazy world, it is almost impossible to always remain calm and balanced. Every day we get discouraged and annoyed by little things. It's normal life process Because you can't always be happy with everything. Especially from irritability and attacks of anger for the whole White light women suffer. Their frequent mood swings have many sources.

Bad character. This is a purely genetic help of a permanent bad mood, nit-picking others and a sour mine. It's just genetics that a person is simply not predisposed to violent manifestations of joy.
Menstrual and premenstrual period. On such days, women are clearly not in the mood to joke and have fun. They often show aggression towards others, they can find fault, scream, provoke conflict situations for no reason. It's all about the hormones that are released during your period. They provoke irritability, sleep disturbance. And pain during menstruation only increases discontent and the desire to send everyone to hell.
Disruption of the thyroid gland. The thyroid gland also affects our emotional condition. Because of her incorrect operation the hormonal background of the whole organism changes. This causes mood swings, excessive tearfulness and sentimentality. Therefore, every year it is necessary to consult an endocrinologist. He will do an examination of the thyroid gland, direct him to pass the necessary tests and prescribe the correct treatment if a pathology is found.
Constant feeling of hunger. When women go on diets, they often starve themselves. Malnutrition is becoming one of the most common causes female anger. When a person does not get enough food, his emotional state deteriorates sharply. The body needs essential nutrients. And when he does not receive them, he begins to protest with the help of hysteria, nit-picking, feeling unwell, weakness.
Irrational schedule. The daily routine also affects women's mood. If a woman does not know how to rationally build her daily routine, she will always be late, will not cope with work tasks on time. Also, the wrong distribution of time threatens sleep disturbances. All this leads to constant deadlines, nervousness, panic fear of being late, not doing the task on time, getting a reprimand. Women often steal their sleep time. They sit until one in the morning, trying to finish household and work chores. But then in the morning they are unable to get out of bed. Such a harmful rhythm of life threatens with a syndrome of constant fatigue, turmoil at work, decreased productivity, and nervousness. The most deplorable cases have to be treated at the clinic level, because a woman can easily get a nervous breakdown. The treatment takes place both with medication and with the use of acupuncture, baths, massage, special system exercise, hypnosis sessions.

How to overcome anger and irritability

Rhythm of life modern woman practically does not allow her to come to grips with her health and put her shattered nerves in order. The weaker sex is diligently building a career, raising children, taking care of the house and doing more. Naturally, it is impossible to walk cheerful and smile all day. There are moments when anger and irritation overflows, and is within easy reach.

At this critical moment, it is important to understand the cause of irritation and urgently take emergency measures to restore mental balance and calm shattered nerves. Here are some tips to help you come to your senses and calm down.

If the cause of anger lies in the menstrual period, it is important to create for yourself the maximum comfortable conditions. Firstly, it’s better to redo all the difficult work in advance so that you don’t drive yourself into a deadline for the period of menstruation. There should always be valerian in your purse. It is especially useful during menstruation, because it perfectly relieves nervous tension and pacifies pain in the abdomen. Frequent drinking during menstruation is a guarantee wellness. During this special period pure water especially important. If there is not enough fluid in the body, then headaches and spasms often occur, which cause irritability.
Chamomile tea is a real salvation for shattered nerves. Take 2-3 teaspoons of chamomile flowers per liter of boiling water, leave for 20 minutes. You can drink this tea throughout the day. Chamomile perfectly calms the nerves, gives peace of mind and provides sound sleep.
Sleepy woman - happy man. It is impossible to be joyful and healthy if you have 4-5 hours of sleep. On average, we need to sleep 7-8 hours. This time is enough for the nervous system to fully recover, and the energy and tone to increase. It is advisable not to sleep on your stomach - this position is very harmful to posture and impairs the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract. But it is precisely because of discomfort in the stomach that we often cannot fall asleep, we toss and turn, and in the morning we wake up angry and offended by the whole world.
Clear planning of the day will save you from. It is useful to plan the day by the hour, devoting a certain amount of time to each task. For this purpose, it is useful to have a diary in which it is very convenient to record priority and secondary tasks. Then the woman's risk of nervousness and hysteria about the task not completed on time is reduced.
Breathing practices will restore the emotional state, relieve intrusive thoughts and experiences. Often we breathe incorrectly, in gusts, greedily swallowing air. Learn to breathe correctly, and then stress and irritation in your life will be much less. Set aside 10-20 minutes for this activity in the evening before bed. Try to breathe deeply, do not rush to push the air out of the lungs, hold your breath for a couple of seconds. Only then exhale slowly and measuredly. Such breathing exercises akin to yoga. They enrich the blood with oxygen, calm the flow of thoughts, balance.

We all worry about something. Someone is worried about the session, passing exams, the upcoming promotion career ladder. Someone is concerned about their personal life or political situation in the country, the health of their children. We cannot be indifferent to everything. It is simply important not to go too far and not to splash out your anger and discontent on others. Women often do not cope with this difficult task. It's all their fault and excessive vulnerability. But it is possible and necessary to fight bouts of anger and irritability. If you approach the solution of this problem in a complex way, you can very soon become calm and restrained and forget about anger and nervousness.

One Eastern wisdom says: "It takes two hands to clap your hands." For the conflict to flare up, you need two or more people. If one of them remains calm, there will be no incident. Checked. But how exactly do you keep calm?

There is this anecdote:

How do you manage to do everything and stay optimistic?
I just don't argue with anyone.
- But it's impossible!
- Impossible so impossible.

It is easy to become such a person if you know one secret. Everything that the interlocutor tells you is a projection of his internal conflict. It has nothing to do with you. You just got in the way.

When any person says something like “You are a slob”, “You are a rude”, “You do not understand what you are talking about”, “Brake, watch where you are going”, it hurts us to the core. What right does he have to say that? What did he think of himself? Why does he think I'm like this? We are either offended, or we begin to conflict and defend our innocence.

Now imagine a different situation. The same person comes up to you and shouts: “I’m a slob”, “I’m a rude”, “I don’t understand what I’m talking about”, “I’m a brake, I don’t see where I’m going.” Such behavior does not cause anything but a smile.

So, any accusation of something to another person stems from the internal conflict of the speaker. If he does not have a fad on this subject, a mental struggle, then he will not notice this in you.

A person always talks only about what excites him personally. This has a very indirect relation to the interlocutor. Any joking or accusation speaks only of what a person does not like about himself or with which he cannot come to terms. It's not about you, it's about him. Communication with you only reveals it.

Being engaged in conflictology, the study of the origin and development of conflict for the past few years, I have never seen an exception to this rule.

So watch your reaction. Replace "you" with "I". And smile. As if a person himself had just publicly accused himself.

Agree, after understanding this issue, it will become easier to react calmly. Just do not try to explain it to your interlocutors! This is not only pointless, but also dangerous: people are sometimes not ready to receive information about their own internal conflicts. Just listen, just smile. For many people, after realizing internal conflicts and them external manifestations life changes, relationships in the family and at work improve.

But pay attention: back side question also exists. Observe what you say to others around you. What are you willing to fight about? Why are you expressing your thoughts this way? What are you shouting to the world?

If you talk to children about, look at what you yourself are addicted to and why it hurts you. If you talk about the selfishness of others, it means that you have not come to terms with your own selfishness. Our behavior in conflict is always a cry of inner pain.

Knowing this question has changed my life significantly, I hope it will help you too.

How to keep a person calm in any situation, if excessive emotionality leads to undesirable consequences? Often it is difficult for an individual to cope with anger, hatred, aggression on his own, and he does not know what to do with these feelings. Keep calm in stressful situations it will be easier if a person realizes for himself the need to control own emotions. With "hot" you can say and do things that a person often later often regrets. In addition, if an individual in a critical situation succumbs to anxiety that overcomes him, then his ability to think logically, to accept rational decisions and sharply weakens the ability to act correctly.

At the first stage of learning to gain calmness, psychologists recommend learning to remain calm in minor situations when the individual is not yet fully possessed by negative emotions, and then move on to train and learn in more serious and significant disputes or conflicts.

Often people notice behind themselves that it is very difficult to maintain inner peace when every trifle is important in life and therefore circumstances easily unsettle. But if you develop several philosophical view on things, you can learn to remain calm in all situations.

How to always keep calm? Psychologists advise working on your own. If a person believes in own forces, then he gains the conviction that he will cope with any situation that can happen in his life. And vice versa, if he doubts himself and sets himself up for an unfavorable outcome of any undertaking, then it is difficult for him to deal with life circumstances and don't be nervous.

It will be possible to remain calm in stressful situations if a person gets rid of bad habit dramatize the events happening to him and forbid himself to cheat himself.

An individual who wants to learn how to remain calm needs to direct his wild fantasy in a more productive direction, and not mentally scroll through unfavorable scenarios in his head, since such an attitude will only add anxiety and worry. If a person feels that he is giving in to panic, then you should stop and think logically, what is the reason for this condition.

Psychologists strongly advise you to monitor your thoughts, because often a person is nervous and worried in situations that do not threaten him with anything. If an individual has such a tendency, then one should imagine the most favorable scenario for the development of events and think in a positive direction. So a person can be sure that nothing threatens his life and safety, and with the rest of the troubles, if they arise, he will be able to cope on his own, because in a truly critical situation, the body's internal reserves mobilize themselves. This is protective function body, so there is no need to be afraid of what has not yet happened, since it is the far-fetched inner unrest that is an obstacle to peace.

There are various ways to stay calm, and one of them involves thinking of a contingency plan in case of failure. Most likely, it will not be needed, but the realization that there is a way out gives a feeling of calm and confidence. And if failure overtakes, then you should immediately begin to act on the backup version of the strategic plan.

How to stay calm in conflict situation which are not uncommon in human life. The individual now and then faces rudeness, injustice and irritation of the surrounding people and it is very difficult to remain calm in these cases. Often you want to pay back with the same coin, but it would be better to refrain, so as not to complicate the situation. Responding to the negative, the individual will receive only a new portion of anger and aggression, and his life will be even more filled with disappointment and anger. In the end, everyone will lose from this. Learn to control yourself similar situations difficult, but necessary. For this, no matter how difficult it is, it is important to always be in a good mood.

- you should try not to dramatize life situations, and not give in to the impulse to exaggerate the negative;

- you need to use it in your vocabulary as often as possible the words “I am stronger than this”, “I can handle it”, “it's okay”; such verbal formulations will help to look at existing problem differently;

- before sharing a problem with someone, you need to think and not tell it to all your friends; you should digest it yourself in order to calm down; well-meaning friends may show more sympathy than necessary, which can further upset;

- you should mentally visualize your calmness (become a calm and calm person in your imagination);

- you need to determine for yourself those factors that make a person lose self-control and control over himself. Knowing personal stimuli and avoiding them will help a person stay calm throughout the day;

- it is important to learn to control your emotions, for this you should remember the moments when a person could remain calm in a difficult situation;

- you can not respond to attacks in a state of irritation, it is better to remain silent until calmness comes;

- in any situation, always look for something positive;

- having heard criticism addressed to him, a person should find a rational grain in it; if it is difficult, then you need to ignore what they say;

- it is necessary to develop a positive attitude towards people;

- it should be remembered that the negative emotions that have engulfed are harmful, first of all, to the person himself, therefore, if a mistake is made, this should be recognized;

- to calm yourself, you need to listen to audiobooks that tune in to a positive perception of life;

- if there is such a person who can support the individual, then you should talk to him;

- viewing quotes from books can help set a person up for positive behavior;

- troubles in life should be treated as training, the more success an individual achieves in life, the more negative situations overcomes;

- a person cannot be liked by everyone, no one can do it, so it would be better to let go of relationships with some people in the past. Thus, you can get rid of a heavy burden and communicate more with those who influence a person positively;

- to create an atmosphere of calm, you can use calm music or silence, scented candles;

- a few deep breaths can help the individual relieve tension, excitement and adjust to a calmer rhythm;

- observance of the daily routine, a balanced fortified diet will allow a person to be healthy, and therefore maintain inner peace;

- avoiding excessive consumption of caffeine and sugar, maintaining the necessary water balance you can maintain a calm state of the body;

- daily physical exercise relieve tension, which will allow you to control your feelings;

- meditation, yoga can help to find peace of mind;

- in order not to think about the same thing, you need to get carried away with something interesting or creative;

— it is important to be able to relax and, if necessary, take a day off to be filled with fresh ideas;

- breathing with the diaphragm - the stomach will help to quickly relieve tension and allow you to calm down in a matter of minutes. While breathing with the belly, the belly rises and falls. It is necessary to inhale through the nose, then hold your breath for a few seconds and exhale slowly.

So, why is it important to learn to remain calm? So that impatience and anger do not exhaust the soul and heart. In order to have time to do more in life, communicate better and live a more purposeful and productive life.

In this article, I will talk about how to stop being nervous. I will explain how to keep calm and composure in any life situation without the help of sedative pills, alcohol and other things. I will talk not only about how to suppress states of nervousness and calm down, but also explain how you can stop being nervous at all, bring the body into a state in which this feeling simply cannot arise, in general, about how to calm your mind and about how to strengthen the nervous system.

The article will be built in the form of consecutive lessons and it is better to read them in order.

When do we get nervous?

Nervousness and jitters, this is the feeling of discomfort that you experience on the eve of important, responsible events and events, during psychological stress and stress, in problematic life situations, and just worry about every little thing. It is important to understand that nervousness has, as psychological so physiological causes and manifests itself accordingly. Physiologically, this is related to the properties of our nervous system, but psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to experiences, an overestimation of the significance of certain events, a feeling of insecurity in oneself and what is happening, shyness, excitement for the result.

We begin to get nervous in situations that we consider either dangerous, threatening our lives, or, for one reason or another, significant, responsible. I think that the threat to life, not so often looms before us, the townsfolk. Therefore, I consider situations of the second kind to be the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. Fear of failing, looking inappropriate in front of people All this makes us nervous. With regard to these fears, there is a certain psychological setting, it has little to do with our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put the nervous system in order, but to understand and realize certain things, let's start with understanding the nature of nervousness.

Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. A necessary defense mechanism or a hindrance?

Our palms begin to sweat, there may be tremors, increased heart rate, increased pressure in thoughts, confusion, it is difficult to get together, concentrate, it is difficult to sit still, I want to occupy my hands with something, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. Now ask yourself, how much do they help you out? Do they help you deal with stressful situations? Are you better at negotiating, taking an exam, or talking on a first date when you're on edge? The answer is - of course not, and moreover, it can screw up the whole result.

Therefore, it is essential to be clear that a tendency to be nervous is not natural reaction organism to a stressful situation or some ineradicable feature of your personality. Rather, it is simply some kind of mental mechanism fixed in the system of habits and / or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is only your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the impact of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why remove it? Because when you're nervous:

Your thinking ability is reduced and you find it harder to concentrate, which can exacerbate a situation that requires the utmost strain of mental resources
You have less control over your intonation, facial expressions, gestures, which can have a bad effect on responsible negotiations or a date
Nervousness contributes to a faster accumulation of fatigue and tension, which is bad for your health and well-being.
If you are often nervous, this can lead to various diseases (meanwhile, a very significant part of the diseases stem from problems of the nervous system)
You worry about the little things and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable in your life
Are you exposed bad habits: , alcohol, as you need something to relieve tension

Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely everyone has many examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand psychological pressure, lost control and lost . So we will work with you on this.

Here is the first lesson, during which we learned that:

Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only hinders
You can get rid of it by working on yourself
AT Everyday life there are few real reasons to be nervous, since we or our loved ones are rarely threatened, mostly we worry about trifles

I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article and tell you why this is so.

You have to set yourself up like this:

I have nothing to be nervous, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and it's real!

Don't think that I'm just arguing about something I have no idea myself. All my childhood, and then my youth, until the age of 24 I experienced great. I could not pull myself together in stressful situations, worried about every little thing, even almost fainted because of my sensitivity! This negatively affected health: pressure surges, “panic attacks”, dizziness, etc. began to be observed. Now all this is in the past.

Of course, it’s impossible to say now that I have the best self-control in the world, but anyway, I stopped being nervous in those situations that plunge most people into nervousness, I became much calmer, compared to my previous state, I reached a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course, I still have a lot to work on, but I'm on the right way and there is dynamics and progress, I know what to do.

In general, everything I am talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I do not invent anything and only tell about what helped me. So if I had not been such a painful, vulnerable and sensitive young man and, then, as a result personal problems I wouldn’t have started to remake myself - all this experience and the site that summarizes and structures it would not exist.

Lesson 2. How to stop being nervous for any reason?

Think about all those events that make you nervous: your boss calls, you take an exam, you wait unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, assess the degree of their importance to you, but not in isolation, but within the context of your life, your global plans and prospects. What is the significance of a skirmish public transport or on the road for a lifetime, and is it terrible to be late for work and be nervous about it?

Is this something to think about and worry about? At such moments, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, take your mind off current moment. I am sure that from this perspective, many things that make you nervous will immediately lose their significance in your eyes, turn into real trifles, which they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your worries.

This mindset helps a lot. stop worrying about everything. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, since the body, despite all the arguments of the mind, can react in its own way. So let's move on and I'll explain how to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation just before any event during and after it.

Lesson 3. Preparation. How to calm down before a responsible event.

Now some important event is inexorably approaching us, during which our ingenuity, composure and will will be tested, and if we successfully pass this test, then fate will generously reward us, otherwise we will lose. This event can be a final interview for your dream job, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and this must be done so that this state does not prevent you from focusing on the goal and achieving it.

And you realize what's ahead of you an important event, but no matter how significant it is, anyway, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of your life for you: there is no need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is precisely from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not to worry arises. This is too much of a responsibility to let nervousness ruin it, so I will be focused and focused and will do my best!

Now we bring thoughts to calmness, remove the jitters. First, immediately throw all thoughts of failure out of your head. In general, try to calm the fuss and not think about anything. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale deeply and inhale. The simplest breathing exercises will help you relax.

The simplest breathing exercises.

It should be done like this:

inhale for 4 counts (or 4 beats of the pulse, you must first feel it, it is more convenient to do this on the neck, and not on the wrist)
hold your breath 2 counts/beats
exhale for 4 counts/beats
hold breath for 2 counts/beats and then inhale again for 4 counts/beats - all over again

In short, as the doctor says: breathe - do not breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds hold - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds hold.

If you feel that breathing allows you to take deeper breaths / exhalations, then do the cycle not 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.

Only you need to breathe with the diaphragm, that is, the stomach! During times of stress, we breathe faster from the chest, while diaphragmatic breathing calms the heartbeat, suppressing physiological signs nervousness, bringing you into calmness.

During the exercise, we keep our attention only on the breath! There must be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after 3 minutes you will feel that you have relaxed and calmed down. The exercise is done no more than 5-7 minutes, according to the sensations. With regular practice breathing practice not only helps you relax here and now, but also in general puts the nervous system in order and you are less nervous without any exercise. So I highly recommend.

You can see my video on how to do diaphragmatic breathing at the end of this article. In the video, I talk about how to deal with panic with the help of breathing. But this method will also allow you to get rid of nervousness, calm down and pull yourself together.

Other relaxation techniques are presented in my article.

Okay, so we are ready. But the time has come for the event itself. Next, I will talk about how to behave during the event, so as not to be nervous and be calm and relaxed.

Lesson 4

Show calm: even if neither emotional mood, no breathing exercises helped you relieve tension, then at least try with all your might to demonstrate external calmness and equanimity. And this is necessary not only in order to mislead your opponents about your state on this moment. The expression of outer peace helps to achieve inner peace. This operates on the principle feedback, not only your well-being determines your facial expressions, but also facial expressions determine your well-being. This principle is easy to test: when you smile at someone, you feel better and more cheerful, even if you were previously in bad mood. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about in Wikipedia in the article “emotions”. So the more relaxed you want to seem, the more relaxed you actually become.

Watch for facial expressions, gestures and intonation: the principle of feedback obliges you to constantly look inward and be aware of how you look from the outside. Do you seem too tense? Are your eyes not running? Are the movements smooth and measured or abrupt and impulsive? Does your face express cold impenetrability or can all your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from the senses, you correct all your body movements, voice, facial expression. The fact that you have to take care of yourself already in itself helps you to gather and concentrate. And it's not just that with the help of internal surveillance you control yourself. By observing yourself, you focus your thoughts at one point - on yourself, do not let them go astray and take you in the wrong direction. This is how concentration and calmness are achieved.

Eliminate all markers of nervousness: what do you usually do when you are nervous? Are you fiddling with a ballpoint pen? Are you chewing on a pencil? Tie in a knot thumb and the little toe of the left foot? Now forget about it, keep your hands straight, do not often change their position. We do not fidget in a chair, we do not shift from foot to foot. We continue to take care of ourselves.

Take your time: haste, fuss always sets a special nervous tone. Therefore, do not rush even if you are late for a meeting. Since any haste very quickly knocks down composure and a calm attitude. You begin to nervously rush from one to another, in the end you only provoke excitement. No matter how you are rushed, do not rush, being late is not so scary, better save your nerves. This applies not only to important meetings: try to get rid of the rush in every aspect of your life: when you are going to work, riding in transport, doing work. It is an illusion that when you are in a hurry, you achieve results faster. Yes, the speed increases, but only slightly, but you lose a lot in composure and concentration.

That's actually all. All these principles complement each other and can be summed up in the call " look after yourself". The rest is particular and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I would only advise you to think about each of your phrases, take your time with an answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. No need to try to impress everyone accessible ways, you will produce it anyway if you do everything right and don't worry, work on the quality of your performance. No need to mumble and get lost if you were taken by surprise: calmly swallowed, forgot and move on.

Lesson 5. Calming down after a meeting.

Whatever the outcome of the event. You are on edge and still experiencing stress. Better take it off and think about something else. All the same principles work here that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting itself. Try not to think too much about the past event: I mean all sorts of fruitless thoughts, but if I spoke like this and not like that, oh, how stupid I looked there, oh, I'm a fool, but if ...! Just throw all thoughts out of your head, get rid of the subjunctive mood (if only), everything has already passed, put your breath in order and relax your body. That's it for this lesson.

Lesson 6. You should not create reasons for nervousness at all.

This is a very important lesson. Usually a significant factor in nervousness is the discrepancy between your preparation for the upcoming event. When you know everything, are confident in yourself, then why should you worry about the result?

When I studied at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, I went to exams completely unprepared, hoping that I would carry it through and somehow pass it. As a result, I passed, but only thanks to the phenomenal luck or kindness of the teachers. Often went to retakes. As a result, during the session, I experienced such unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that I was trying to prepare in a hurry and somehow pass the exam.

During the sessions, an unrealistic amount was destroyed nerve cells. And I still felt sorry for myself, I thought that’s how much everything had piled up, how hard it was, eh ... Although it was my own fault if I had done everything in advance (I didn’t have to go to lectures, but at least the material for preparing for the exam and passing all intermediate control tests I could provide for myself - but then I was lazy and I was not at least somehow organized), then I would not have to be so nervous during exams and worry about the result and that they would take me into the army if I didn’t do something I will hand over, as I would be sure of my knowledge.

This is not a call not to miss lectures and study at institutes, I'm talking about the fact that you need to try yourself Do not create stress factors for yourself in the future! Think ahead and prepare for business and important meetings, do everything on time and do not delay until the last moment! Always have a ready-made plan in your head, and preferably a few! This will save you a significant part of the nerve cells, and in general will contribute to great success in life. This is a very important and useful principle! Use it!

Lesson 7

In order to stop being nervous, it is not enough just to follow the lessons that I outlined above. It is also necessary to bring the body and mind into a state of rest. And the next thing I will talk about will be those rules, following which you can strengthen the nervous system and experience less nervousness in general, be calmer and more relaxed. As a result, you will understand how to stop being nervous. These methods are focused on the long term, they will make you less prone to stress in general, and not just prepare you for a responsible event.

Firstly, in order to correct the physiological factor of nervousness, and bring the nervous system to a state of rest, you need to regularly. It is very good for calming the nervous system and calming the mind. I wrote a lot about this, so I won't dwell on it.
Secondly, go in for sports () and carry out a set of measures that support recovery (contrast shower, healthy eating, vitamins, etc.). AT healthy body healthy mind: your moral well-being depends not only on mental factors. Sport strengthens the nervous system.
Walk more, spend time outdoors, try to sit less in front of the computer.