Psychology in anger manifests the true attitude. Why does anger appear? Types of anger with examples

There are times when one caustic or offensive word, phrase, deed or incident is enough for a person to burst into anger and say a lot of unnecessary things. Then he himself will be surprised at his temper and will begin to ask for forgiveness for what he said, but it is often impossible to regain former trust.

Psychologists have long noticed that the subconscious causes of anger can be completely different, but in any case, they do not bring anything good to the relationship, destroying what was achieved with great difficulty. So what are they and what exactly causes bouts of rage, anger and sudden anger. Here are some of the main subconscious causes of anger.

Background voltage

It is rarely noticed by the person himself, but at the same time it prevents him from rejoicing, feeling relaxed and free. It can be associated with expectation, the uncertainty of the situation, which often does not have clear time limits or requires you to quickly mobilize your forces to solve a stressful situation.

For example, a student subconsciously feels that he "floats" in some matters. He cannot remember the information on the eve of the exam and any call, assignment can make him furious and angry, although in another situation he is friendly and calm. Background voltage needs to be discharged. The more pronounced it is, the more likely it is to flare up and get angry. Therefore, if a person is in anticipation of an unpleasant but necessary situation, he may burst into unjustified anger.

Law of three troubles

Psychologists have noticed that in order to flare up and get angry, just 3 troubles are enough, no matter how big or small. At the same time, all of them should require an early solution. Anger arises in a person when, subconsciously, he feels that he can quickly solve the situation, but does not know how best to do it. Otherwise, there is a feeling of pain and powerlessness.

For example, someone is standing in line for an important question, the negative answer to which can lead to great difficulties (one possible trouble). A person’s time is limited, the queue is long (the second possible nuisance), and then someone brazenly goes out of line and sits in the office for a long time (the third nuisance).

These reasons are enough to break out in anger, which can be directed both at the one who prevented the quick resolution of the issue, and at the authorities, the government, etc. Therefore, just 3 reasons are enough to cause an attack of unexpected anger and anger. It was also noticed that the authorities lose their temper, for the third time faced with non-execution of the order or the same mistake of their subordinates.

Disturbed ratio of positive and negative emotions

For a normal mood, an emotional ratio of negative and positive emotions of 7:1 is sufficient. More often it happens the other way around, and a person who has not received anything positive for a long time begins to scream over trifles in order to relieve tension.

Therefore, you need to dilute negative stimuli with positive ones in order to neutralize internal anger. With the inverse ratio of 1 positive emotion to 7 negative, there is a feeling of anger, anger and irritation.

Undischarged anger

When something causes a protest, but it cannot be expressed, there is a possibility of strong anger over trifles. At this time, he splashes out everything that is in his soul on a child who spilled cherry juice on a white suit or a wife who, in his opinion, cooked scrambled eggs badly.

Attempt #5

If in solving an important issue a person is 5 times unlucky and he again falls into vicious circle troubles, anger arises in response to any trifle. Especially if he himself cannot guess how he will cope with a trifling and annoying task.

Deprivation of attention

This reason may have deep roots from childhood, when a person is not paid attention and only success is valued in him and, not without reason, they believe that their child is “the best and correct, healthy and beautiful”. Then he begins to notice the shortcomings of others early and gets annoyed when they do wrong, contrary to expectations. As a result, he begins to believe in his infallibility and becomes angry whenever someone turns out to be worse than him, as it seems to him.

These are the main causes of subconscious anger and irritation that lead to quarrels for minor reasons. Very often there are several of them in each conflict, so you should pay attention to their source and try to neutralize it.

Source -

There is probably no person in the world who has never experienced anger. This feeling is always extremely negative connotation, and by the strength of its manifestation, we often judge the ability of people to control themselves. Of course, feeling angry is bad, because it leads to anger and aggression. And in this combination, both emotions make a person absolutely uncontrollable.

But few people know that holding back anger is very dangerous, this action can be psychologically destructive. Therefore, psychologists give great importance manifestation of anger and its influence on personality development. This difficult topic has become the subject of today's article.

Definition of anger

Human emotions have always been a special subject of study for psychologists and philosophers. It is amazing how differently people show their feelings and also relate to these bright emotional outbursts. Perhaps the most significant emotion that seriously affects relationships between people is anger. Sometimes it is also called resentment, although many experts deny their identity.

Collecting information from various dictionaries, we can say with confidence that anger is a negatively colored emotion caused by the actions of an object or a situation that has arisen, accompanied by a sense of injustice and irresistible desire eliminate it. Most often, anger is a flash, a short-term clouding of the mind, which can cause a person to hurt and create destruction.

Many psychologists characterize this range of emotions as a negative affect. This is a very common term in psychology, meaning a special explosive process. It is rather short-term and intense, usually accompanied by an increase in blood pressure, changes in the work of all internal organs and erratic movement.

Already after the above definitions, it becomes clear that anger is not simple emotion. It can be destructive and constructive. Sometimes anger helps to cope with the problem, and in other situations it only complicates everything that happens. Such ambiguity in the assessment of the same emotion has led to the fact that a special direction has arisen in science - the psychology of anger. This not only helps to correctly assess the very nature of the emotion, but also to classify it.

Stages of anger

Emotions play a key role in psychology when we are talking on the application of techniques for introspection and behavior correction. Usually, at such moments, the specialist tries to find out the causes of the problem that prevents the person who turned to the psychologist to live normally. Most often, the root of trouble lies in the containment of emotions, primarily anger. To understand what we are talking about, it is necessary to define the stages of anger.

Since we have clarified that anger can be understood as a negatively colored affect, this in psychology makes it possible to identify its four stages:

hidden manifestation - an internal growing feeling that cannot be determined externally;
excitement, noticeable by facial expressions;
active action is the peak stage;
fading emotion.

Each stage should be considered and described in detail.

Hidden anger

Sometimes at this stage, anger is characterized as a growing feeling of resentment. At this moment, a person in every possible way hides his true emotions and does not allow even a fleeting manifestation on his face. Such people are said to be well controlled. But for the personality itself, such suppression of anger can be fatal.

Emotions in psychology are represented as a substance that must be manifested. But the degree of personality development can be determined by how constructively a person shows his emotions. Those who successfully hide their anger run the risk of a large number of diseases. In addition, one day all emotions will pour out in a flash of incredible power that can harm the angry person himself and all the people around him at that moment. Therefore, it is natural when hidden anger smoothly passes into the next stage.

Emotional arousal

At this stage, the feeling of anger is gaining strength and it can already be seen in the facial muscles. Usually it is at this stage that a person begins to defend his point of view and try to remove the obstacle that caused his anger. Psychologists believe that this stage is optimal for a person to civilly express their emotions and not cross any boundaries. On the this stage many problems are being solved, and the anger that has been thrown out has not yet been transformed into a vivid affect. In psychology, this is already referred to as the third stage.

Uncontrollable anger

At this stage, a person can do absolutely any crazy act. He is able to destroy everything in a row, cause physical harm, scream loudly and gesticulate. Such outbursts are typical for those who hid their emotions for a long time, or people with an unstable psyche. The latter need serious treatment, because if anger reaches this stage, then the personality has already undergone certain transformations that require urgent correction. Otherwise, a normal life becomes impossible for a person.

fading anger

At this stage, the flash goes out, and the person often repents of everything that he managed to do. In some cases, it is no longer possible to correct the consequences of the previous stage. Psychologists often observe a pattern in which repentance and the lack of options for correcting mistakes already made cause a new attack of anger from the third stage at once.

Types of anger

Psychologists distinguish quite a few types of anger, but three are considered the main ones:

1. Righteous.

It is caused by outright injustice against the individual. The person understands that the situation needs to be corrected immediately and righteous anger boils in him. Moreover, depending on the very psychotype of the personality, anger can arise at any of the stages described earlier.

2. Provoked.

Anger is directed at a situation, a particular person or group of people. Usually this emotion is caused by some action, most often insults or anger that has already been thrown out on a person. AT last case he is reciprocal and can be transformed into a righteous one.

3. Random.

It is caused by anything, a person can "flare up" with or without reason. Psychologists consider this anger a disease and declare the need for its treatment.

Psychologists pay great attention to the manifestation of anger in their work. They singled them out into certain models that affect the personality or are used by it for any purpose.

Manifestations of Anger: Patterns

First of all, you need to understand that anger almost always manifests itself in a combination of other emotions. For example, the anger-aggression pair always carries an extremely negative message. Aggression always pours out in an uncontrolled form and is often accompanied by material or physical damage. In the case when anger is manifested along with fear, these two emotions can feed each other and contribute to the mobilization of the body's forces.

Psychology has six main models of the manifestation of anger:

Family anger.

This model always has a very bad effect on children, because from the very early childhood they fall into an atmosphere of quarrels and scandals. Usually these are dysfunctional families where parents drink alcohol and do not raise children. Initially, the child is afraid of angry manifestations, and then adapts to them and adopts them as a model of behavior for himself. In the future, the personality acquires explosive features and reacts to any irritants with outbursts of uncontrollable anger.

2. Achievement of the goal.

In this model, anger is a tool that a person successfully uses to get what they want. With the help of anger, a person achieves obedience and transfers guilt for this outbreak to the opponent. For a short period, this model can be very effective, but over time, people stop responding to manifestations of anger and the effectiveness of this method decreases significantly.

3. Denial.

When a person acts according to this model, he replaces the fear of everything new and unknown with anger. Any innovative proposal causes a flash of anger in such a person.

4. Catalyst.

A person acting according to this scheme brings himself to an uncontrollable state of anger and only then can express his opinion to people on the situation or feel able to solve the problem. That is, the feeling of anger becomes a catalyst that gives vent to true emotions.

5. Endured anger.

This model can be well illustrated by the example of nationality. Imagine that once a person was offended by a representative of any nation. In the future, everyone who belongs to this nationality becomes the object of anger. Such a manifestation of anger can cause serious ethnic conflicts. In any case, the transference of anger is a very catastrophic pattern of manifestation.

6. Protection.

Many notorious personalities often show anger as a shield from any influences. environment. Usually this model of anger manifestation does not bring results, because it drives the person even deeper into a vicious circle of action-anger.

In addition to the described manifestations of anger, there are also physical ones that need to be described.

How does anger manifest itself on a physical level?

The physical manifestations of anger cannot be controlled by a person and are expressed in the following actions:

swollen nostrils;
vertical folds on the bridge of the nose;
eyebrow reduction;
rapid breathing;
open mouth and clenched teeth;
dilated pupils;
focusing on the object of anger.

All this is accompanied by active gestures and often incoherent speech.

Anger is a fairly strong emotion and, according to psychologists, it can completely subjugate a person. Therefore, learn to manage your anger, let its manifestations be a civilized response to an insult or provocation from the outside.

A person can express not only positive, but also negative emotions. Usually to positive emotions people have no complaints. But they learn to manage negative emotions. Undoubtedly, one’s emotions, for whatever reasons they may arise, must be dealt with, since in their negative aspect they often make a person destroy, destroy and cause harm, which is unacceptable by society. And one of those negative emotions is anger.

All people are angry. The Internet magazine site calls anger a natural manifestation of a person who, for some reason, suddenly became dissatisfied. Anger differs from aggression in that anger is an emotion and is a state. Anger precedes aggression, and aggression is based on anger.

Anger is an emotion that arises in a person in response to the reality that surrounds him. Usually anger is a response to troubles, unpleasant events, something that a person did not expect or did not want to receive. expected something or hoped for something, but achieved a different result. As a result, internal anger arises, which, if it grows, will turn into aggression.

Bad things always happen at the wrong time. Therefore, there is no need to be angry because you did not expect something, but it happened. Nobody ever expects something bad to happen. All people hope only for good things to happen. But life is not a utopia, so troubles happen and they are never timely and welcome.

Troubles always occur at the wrong time, you should already get used to this and learn to react calmly. Realize that negative events will happen and will always be unwanted. But you have a choice: take it easy on what happened and just survive it, or react violently to it, trying to return what has left you. In which case do you think you will suffer more? You yourself will hurt yourself only from the fact that you start to fight reality, trying to return the happiness that you had before this event. You do not accept the present by trying to return to the past. Have you ever been able to overcome real world and turn back time?

Some troubles are temporary, fleeting, some are life-changing. But in any case, you have to get used to what happened, trying to fix the problem. And here, calmness is important, which helps to think soberly and see the whole picture, and not just part of it.

What is anger?

Anger means violent backlash person, which is expressed in a change of mood, negative attitude to ongoing and disruptive behavior. Usually a person in a state of anger does not sit still. He actively gesticulates, trying to do something. Often anger becomes the cause of the destruction of property or fights between people.

In a state of anger, a person does not think and does not control his actions. This is the period when he considers all his actions to be correct, since they are usually aimed at destroying the trouble that caused them. This should be understood by others, who begin to wonder why a person is angry. He no longer thinks, he simply acts. It will be difficult to get through to his mind. It is important here to protect yourself from a person while he is in a state of anger.

Anger is an emotion aimed at destroying, suppressing or eliminating what caused it. It can be either a person or some inanimate object. You should be aware that anger is a short-lived emotion, which is good both for the person himself and for those around him. Therefore, it is not uncommon to advise people in a state of anger to withdraw from society until the emotions subside, which will not take much time.

In a state of anger, a person becomes very tense. His face expresses anger, his muscles tighten, his body becomes like a stretched string, his fists and teeth clench, his face turns red. A person “boils” inside, feels a huge surge of energy, which is aimed at eliminating the trouble that caused this emotion.

Controlling oneself in a state of anger is quite difficult, as even psychologists say. Usually anger is dangerous because thinking process turns off, and turns on instincts aimed at destroying the enemy (troubles). However, a person is able to control himself. This will require practice and a conscious approach to what is happening.

Reasons for anger

Anger is not bad emotion, because it is given to a person to maintain his balance and harmony. If a person finds himself in a situation of danger, then he needs anger, which gives energy and the ability to protect himself. However, in modern conditions In life, a person rarely encounters situations when he needs to fight for his survival. Therefore, anger was transformed: it began to arise in situations that are simply associated with some destabilization of life's comfort.

The reasons for anger are:

Prolonged fear or discomfort, during which the person endured discomfort.
and various obstacles that prevent a person from achieving his goals.
Insults and criticism of a person who, at the same time, feels morally disadvantaged.
Rejection by another person.
Demonstration of objectionable behavior.
Not getting what you want.

The longer the anger lasts, the more exhausted the person becomes, whose energy spills right and left, often without productive results.

Each reader should understand that his anger is a reaction to what is happening, which simply does not suit him. As already mentioned, life is not obliged to please a person all the time. Periodically, situations will arise that are unpleasant for a person. If you always treat problems and troubles as quite normal phenomena in life, then anger can be controlled. This emotion will simply indicate that you do not like it. And the energy that anger will produce can be channeled into a constructive channel.

How to manage anger?

Anger arises only in a situation where something does not suit a person, while there is a feeling that this can be dealt with. Everyone develops anger in their own way:

Alone long time they burn, but then subside.
Others instantly light up and first take actions (often destructive) that already calm them down.

It is not necessary to say that a person in a state of anger can control himself. Often, this emotion turns off consciousness, so that a person thinks less and acts more to achieve a single result - the elimination of obstacles, troubles.

People don't always react negatively to anger. For example, anger caused by injustice is considered noble, because a person under its influence tries to restore balance. Also, anger on the part of a man is considered attractive. It refers to the strength and masculinity that should be inherent in a man. Moreover, if a woman shows anger, she is called weak and irrational.

Regardless of the positive and negative aspects that anger gives to a person, it still needs to be managed. It is not proposed here to eliminate it or ignore it, which cannot be done because of the strength of its effect on a person. Psychologists recommend using anger in a good direction, that is, when it occurs, do things that you will then be proud of, and not regret doing them.

Managing anger means directing its energy in a direction that is beneficial to you. If you are angry, give yourself the opportunity to stop a little and think about what you want to achieve and how to do it so that later you do not regret what you have done and do not pay.

How to deal with anger?

Do not blame yourself and criticize yourself for giving in to your own anger. You won't help yourself and you won't fix the situation. Anger will arise in you in a situation where your expectations are not realized. Here it is recommended not to be offended by yourself because of the angry nature, but to develop a strategy that helps to cope with anger.

Switch your attention. To reduce the "degree" of your anger, just switch your attention to something else. Stay in a different situation for a while until your emotions subside.
Understand what's going on. Often people get aggressive because they don't quite understand what's going on. In fact, nothing threatens them, they received incorrect information, they were deceived, etc., which makes them angry. In order not to succumb to emotions, you need to understand the situation, whether your anger is really justified.
Throw out emotions. Here psychologists offer to do active sports, beat a pear, dishes or a pillow. You can even hang up a photo of your opponent and throw darts at him. Emotions are not recommended to be suppressed, as they will splash out again in any irritable situation.
Look at yourself in the mirror. Try to admire yourself when you are angry. Usually a person cannot look at himself while in this state.

Psychologists recommend analyzing what is happening every time and understanding how your anger was senseless and unreasonable. This should be done after you have calmed down. Understand the situation, understand what caused your anger, how necessary it turned out to be. At the end, draw a conclusion for yourself how you will act in the future when similar situations. Try to stick own decision. Take control of yourself if you want to be a strong person.

How do you end up controlling your anger?

You can learn to control anger if you learn it and make every effort:

If your self-esteem is hurt, then allow yourself to relax to criticism and insults of your opponent. If he doesn't like something, that's his problem. And you do not strain because someone does not like something.
Self-defense. If something threatens your life, body or personality, then allow your anger to manifest. You need to protect yourself, otherwise people will sit on your neck or start disrespecting you.
Denial of your desires. If you are faced with a situation where other people live in a way that makes you angry, then you need to relax. Don't interfere in other people's lives. Let them be as miserable, wrong, and sick as they seem to you. Better take care of yourself. Don't let other people live the way they want to.
Unfulfilled desires. Anger can also be the result of not achieving goals. Here you should calm down in order to be able to analyze what happened and see own mistakes. It was you who took some actions that did not allow you to achieve your goals. See what you did wrong, and then correct the actions.

Anger is a rejection of a situation that happens to a person. There can be many reasons, as well as strategies for one's own behavior in the event of anger.

Anger as an emotion is negatively perceived by people. A person in anger rarely controls himself, as in principle and with the manifestations of other feelings. However, anger makes a person act badly towards those he is offended by. The feeling in question has reasons for its appearance and methods of control. How to deal with anger main topic this article.

Many people confuse anger with aggression. However, these concepts are different. The emotion that a person experiences is the same - there is indignation, indignation at what is happening. However, anger differs in the way it manifests itself.

Anger can be defined as the internal state of a person who is offended, dissatisfied with something, hates. Aggression is often associated with violence. If during anger a person tries to offend his offender, then during aggression he seeks to cause him physical or material harm.

In themselves, these emotions are similar, but there are differences. All about aggression can be read on the website psychological help psymedcare.com.

What is anger?

It is not difficult to recognize anger, as it often occurs in people who are unhappy with something. What is anger? This is a negative emotion, which is expressed in a flash of indignation and indignation at what is happening. Anger is a harbinger of aggression, when a person directly proceeds to commit negative acts.

We can say that anger is an emotion, and aggression is a violent action.

During anger, a person turns off his rational thinking, the rules of decency and morality. Instinctive mechanisms are turned on when a person directs destructive energy to the address of what caused his anger. In rare cases, a person controls himself, because often he believes that he is doing the right thing in a state of anger. He is not wrong, but other people should be punished for the offense they caused him.

Anger is an emotion of an aggressive nature, a direction towards an animate or inanimate object for the purpose of its destruction, suppression or subjugation. This negative emotion cannot last long. However, it completely covers the human consciousness, subordinating it to itself:

The muscles of the face and body tense up.
Fists and teeth are clenched.
The face is on fire.
The body tenses like a string.
Everything is boiling inside.

At any moment, a person can explode, and the sensations that he experiences are like a “boiling kettle”, which is already whistling and ready to catch fire.

Anger is one way people communicate. Being unhappy own life, people splash it out on everyone who just touches them with something. Naturally, the response will be the same anger or even more, since the feelings of other people are already hurt. It turns out vicious circle when some splash out anger because of their own discontent on those who respond with the same anger that causes discontent of the first.

Anger has become the norm of modern society. However, this does not change the fact that anger radiates negative energy and leads to various kinds of disorders. Despite the danger and undesirability of communicating through anger, people continue to express it at every opportunity. And in all this confusion, it is very important to skillfully use that feeling that usually destroys a person and his life. It is important to learn to understand the nature of anger and be able to manage it for your own good.

Reasons for anger

When you observe the angry behavior of another person, the natural question arises: “Why are you angry?”. What are the causes of anger that so covers a person that he stops reasoning, thinking and remaining calm?

Anger is attributed to negative emotions, because in the conditions of the modern world this expression of feelings is unacceptable. However, anger is a natural, natural feeling that is aimed at the survival of a living entity. If a person did not get angry, then he could not protect himself, his property or relatives.

However, over time, social foundations have changed, rules and frameworks have been invented that now restrain people in their natural manifestations. Anger cannot be eradicated from a person, because it continues to preserve his life, integrity and rights. However, society does not accept the expression of anger, since it is often associated with the commission of bad deeds that infringe on the rights and freedoms of others.

Psychologists distinguish main reason anger is the aggression that arises on external stimulus. Sometimes anger can be provoked by fear and other negative emotions. The body begins to produce a large amount of energy, the pulse quickens, the skin turns pale or red. All of these are natural manifestations of anger.

Anything can lead to a state of anger and anger:

Getting a bad grade in school.
Criticism of a loved one.
Rejection of feelings and refusal to create love relationships.
Salary delay.
Dismissal.
Aggressive attitude of others.
Infringement of human freedom, etc.

People have a negative attitude to anger, because under its influence a person rarely controls his actions. And in a state of anger, you can only do bad things - harm or commit violence. In a cultural society, this behavior infringes on the rights and freedoms of others, so there is constant propaganda that anger should be controlled.

A common cause of anger is called frustration - when a person cannot achieve his goals due to external circumstances or interference caused by another individual. Frustration is failure, disappointment, lack of purpose. A person in this situation is angry at those people or circumstances that have become obstacles in achieving the desired.

Often, anger is directed towards removing these obstacles. It can be both verbal and physical.

Another reason for anger can be a situation where a person succumbs to moral pressure. This phenomenon is common in modern society. How else can you express your anger in a cultured society, where for any physical violence is there a punishment? Only words in the form of criticism and dissatisfaction. People have already learned how to skillfully operate with words and put pressure on others so that they have a natural feeling of anger when their freedom, rights and dignity are suppressed.

In the emergence of anger often plays important role attachment to the person who offends. If a close person refuses, offends, demonstrates disrespect for the feelings of a partner, then there is internal indignation, resentment, anger. The more expected of the other person, the stronger the anger becomes when expectations are not met.

Strong anger leads to nervous exhaustion. Therefore, first of all, one should learn to cope with anger by the person who experiences it.

Anger management

Modern society is arranged in such a way that respect, good nature, calmness, etc. are acceptable manifestations of people. Such a feeling as anger is one of those manifestations that should be suppressed. That is why there is an active development of methods for managing one's own anger.

Unfortunately, people still cannot manage anger, which is quite natural:

It is impossible to suppress what is given to man by nature. Fighting anger is like fighting your own appetite. Sooner or later, a person will not stand it and will break.
It is impossible to get rid of what subjugates a person. While the individual is in a state of anger, he completely surrenders to his own feelings.
You can't fight what feels right. No man will give up what feels right to him. Only at the end of the action of anger can he see negative sides their actions.

Anger management is possible only when the person himself, in a state of anger, does not want to succumb to his own emotions and does not consider it right to commit bad deeds. AT this case You can use all the exercises that psychologists offer.

Negative emotion appears in a situation where it seems that something is wrong and should be corrected. At the stage of the initial appearance of emotion, a person faces an unconscious choice: to calm down and go into decline, or to succumb to anger and reach a state of rage. It is at this moment that anger can be controlled before it has consumed the person.

If the individual succumbs to his own anger, then he experiences and performs many actions:

Nerves are compressed, there is a feeling of lack of air.
There is a desire to fight, crush, break, jump, run, etc.
There is a surge of discontent and indignation.
The voice becomes hoarse and choked.

Society condemns precisely the actions that a person commits in a state of passion. After all, under the influence of anger, he commits destructive acts. That is why it is recommended to move away from aggressive or evil person until he releases all his emotions.

Anger is sometimes divided by gender:

Male aggression is perceived as a manifestation of strength.
Female aggression is considered a manifestation of weakness and irrationality.

Although we are talking about the same causes and manifestations of anger. Only in society is one sex allowed to manifest it, while the other is prohibited.

Anger quickly arises and just as quickly passes. Society's attitude towards him is based solely on the actions that a person performs in a state of anger. If they bring destruction and pain to others, then anger was bad. If a person has done a noble deed, then people praise him.

Anger manifests itself in all people. However, in order to control its expression, various manipulative slogans are invented. For example, it is believed that a person matures when he learns to manage anger. In other words, it is beneficial for society that people seek to restrain their natural emotion, which disturbs the peace of citizens.

How to deal with anger?

Should I learn to manage my anger? On the this question each must answer for himself. It is worth noting only one advantage that a person receives when he learns to cope with anger - he can now control his actions in any situation.

To cope with anger, it is necessary to stop its development at any stage.

First, you can stop anger at the stage of the appearance of a situation that causes negative emotions. You can end a conversation with a person who is annoying. You can briefly leave the room where unpleasant events occur. As soon as you feel that you are starting to be aggressive, you should isolate yourself from the negative situation.
Secondly, you can stop anger at the stage when it either subsides or starts to rage. Tell yourself that you don't want to be angry, and start doing whatever you can to help you do that.

Additional techniques to eliminate anger can be:

Listening to calm music.
Restoration of breathing.
Seclusion for the purpose of relaxation.
Relaxation of all muscles of the body.
Thinking about the situation in order to solve it, and not to find the guilty ones.
Meditation.
Mental movement to places where it is pleasant to be.
Switching attention.

Train yourself to see in anger not a personal insult, but the natural aggressiveness and savagery of people. People are not trained to manage their anger, so they use it like little children who are just naughty because they didn’t like something.

If something annoys you, you should not accumulate it in yourself - say it in a non-rude and human way. Your task is not to swallow your own anger in order to be civilized outwardly. You have to learn to get rid of the charge negative energy through calm conversation.

How to make your anger noble?

Admit that you are angry.
Understand your anger. What are the reasons for its occurrence? What made you angry?
Use your anger to your advantage. Focus on solving the problem and use anger as a source of energy for further action.

Make your anger a helper that will accompany you until you solve the problem that has arisen. Indeed, in the whole situation, when something annoys you, the important thing is that there was just some kind of problem. And as long as you spend your energy and time expressing dissatisfaction with the other person, you are not solving the problem. You are trying to offend, blame, humiliate someone, but this has nothing to do with the situation that made you angry. It is better to direct your anger towards solving the problem, and not just offending the other person.

Outcome

Speaking about anger management, people often point out that it is necessary to suppress it. However, scientists say the opposite: the result of suppressed emotions can be psychosomatic diseases associated with the cardiovascular system. Heart attacks and strokes are often associated with unexpressed negative emotions.

At the same time, there is an opinion that anger cannot be expressed every time it appears. Because a person develops the habit of not holding back his emotions, but freely pouring them out on others. In its turn aggressive person begins to enjoy the suffering of others, which in the future causes him to provoke or look for situations where he can again be aggressive.

What to do with own emotions anyway, it's up to each person to decide. However, it should be understood that the constant experience negative emotions leads to serious diseases that can affect life expectancy.

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14.04.2015

“They say that an angry person resembles a match: as you know, she has a head, but there are no brains, and therefore she quickly flares up,” recalls the famous psychotherapist Girish Patel, author of the training “Understanding and Overcoming Anger”. Training seminar on this topic, held in May 2010 on the basis of the sanatorium-dispensary of the Kazan Motor-Building Association and continued during a 2-hour boat trip along the Volga, helped its participants, residents of the capital of Tatarstan, answer the following important questions:

- can we really solve the problems that arise in our lives without feeling angry?

- why, even realizing that it is bad, we still continue to be angry?

How can we finally overcome this weakness?

Perhaps the thoughts that sounded during the dialogue with the citizens of Kazan will help you to maintain self-control and cheerfulness even in the most difficult cases.

First step

ANGER: FOR or AGAINST?

First, understand that anger is always bad. "Righteous anger”, “just anger” and the like - all this is nothing more than beautiful words with which we try to justify our own impotence in the face of our shortcomings. Remember: even if the display of anger brought you desired results, they are short-lived and will cost you dearly.

I am often told that anger is good for health. In this case, it is usually referred to that the suppression emotions can cause many diseases, including even cancer. People who hold this view are only partly right. Indeed, suppressing emotions is not good for our mental and physical health. But anger as a method to “let off steam”, “ventilate your emotions” is also ineffective! Data scientific research testify to the contrary: each episode of anger makes you an increasingly angry person, strengthens your hostile attitude towards other people. Ultimately, anger turns into a habitual reaction for you to any more or less serious irritant.

is an emotion leading to psychological paralysis. In the case of physical paralysis, a person cannot control his limbs, and in the same way, due to anger, we lose the ability to control our intellect. We can say that anger is a temporary insanity. Loss of self-control, an unnaturally loud voice, bulging eyes, chaotic movements of the limbs, aggressiveness - aren't we seeing the same signs in the behavior of a violently madman? And the most important similarity: a person seized with anger, like a crazy person, is in the grip of an illusion, takes the unreal for reality.

Finally, anger is extremely detrimental to our physical health, causing irreparable damage to the muscular, immune, digestive and other systems of our body, disrupting the functioning of the heart, blood vessels and brain.

We cannot be free from anger until we have said to ourselves definitely: “Yes, anger is bad. He hurts me." Do not justify anger by giving formulas such as spells: “it is impossible to completely get rid of anger” or “to be angry is necessary.”

WHAT TO DO?

Is our behavior represents a spectrum: at one end - the suppression of one's own emotions, on another- aggressive behavior. The best option is the golden mean. This is the so-called assertive (calm, confident) behavior. There is no need to suppress anger, and there is no need to be angry either. Share your thoughts and feelings with other people, openly tell them about what does not suit you, while maintaining inner stability. Assertiveness is the only one of the three behaviors that will ensure good mental and physical health.

I often suggest that participants in my seminars do the following exercise: pair up and try to get angry at your partner. They never succeed. On the contrary, they perceive this exercise as fun, a way to break the ice and build friendships with a partner. Why? Because they have no reason to be angry. Anger does not happen without a reason. Therefore, the second step in our journey is to identify the typical causes that most often cause us anger, and eliminate them.

Finding out what exactly causes angry outbursts in your particular case will require you to individual work over oneself, introversion and introspection. No training will give you ready recipes. However, we will give here some typical causes of anger and schemes for overcoming them. Perhaps you will find your cause in this list, or at least it will become clearer to you how to identify this individual cause.

Reason #1. Our research shows that 30% of the time we get angry when other people's behavior doesn't meet our desires. It hurts our ego and we get irritated. If so, a few useful tips. Overcoming this cause of anger (as well as most other causes) is possible if you explain to yourself in clear, calm language why you should change. In our training, we call this explanation "finding logic". Our intellect understands language logic. If you can convince yourself, you can overcome this reason.

Solution 1. Here is one example of such logic. Explain to yourself: perhaps, with your rude words, you have made the person fulfill your desire. Words may soon be forgotten, but the feelings that you evoked in this person, he will always remember. Perhaps you will apologize later, but the word is not a sparrow, it will fly out, you won’t catch it. Just one episode of anger - and all the good that you have done for another person, for many years, will be blown up like atomic bomb. Am I ready for such a price-quality ratio?

Solution 2. Another example. Realize that no one can make you angry without your consent. You say, "This man did wrong, and that's why I got angry." It turns out that you are controlled by the behavior of another person! Do you like being manipulated by others? If you don't like it, why do you allow it? Declare to yourself: “I want to be the master of my mood”!

Decision 3. If the other person does not behave the way you want, say to yourself: “Why, in fact, should he do the way I want? After all, he or she is a separate, independent person who has the right to behave as she sees fit. Even if a person behaves 50% the way I expect him to, I should rejoice at this luck.

Solution 4. It is often said that the whole world is a theater, and we are actors in it. If in a play or film all the characters are positive, such a play or film is likely to be boring. Interest is intrigue, struggle, overcoming. And in the performance of life, these things are also necessary.

Decision 5. "Everything should go the way I want, and nothing else." This is infantilism. Perhaps when you were a child, your parents fulfilled all your requirements. But after all, the spouse (wife), boss, colleagues, neighbors in the stairwell are not your parents, and you are not their child! With this logic, you can deal with your negative attitude.

REASON #2. Another typical cause of anger: the desire to control others, to control them. We tend to think that when we are angry, our children learn better and our subordinates perform better.

Decision. Actually it is not. A parent's anger has never been a good incentive to study. To be convinced of this, remember your own childhood. Over the ever-irritated boss, sooner or later they begin to laugh. You entered the office - your subordinates are working; you turned your back on them - they make faces at you.

REASON #3. “I am intolerant of any lie, untruth. I get angry if others lie."

Decision. Again, understand the logic: if you accept the other as he is, he will not need to lie to you. If you are tolerant, he will be frank with you, will not hide his mistakes. Your anger goes against your own desire! You want your children and subordinates to tell you the truth. But since you get angry you instill fear in them. And because they are afraid of you, the chances that they will lie to you increase.

REASON #4. “The injustice just pisses me off!”

Decision. Of course, one cannot put up with injustice, but anger does not restore justice. Motivation and anger are not the same thing. Yes, you may be highly motivated to eradicate injustice. You can organize the whole social movement to fight this injustice. But best results you will achieve only on the condition that you maintain inner stability and calmness.

REASON 5. There are deeper reasons psychological property. Let's say that during a discussion you see that your opponent wins and you lose. At such moments, you tend to get angry and cut off the conversation so as not to suffer final defeat.

Decision. Perhaps by interrupting the conversation today, you took some tactical advantage out of it by hiding your incompetence. But strategically, it can be much more useful to admit today's defeat, in order to then seriously work on your argument and win the next discussion. Otherwise, you get used to using this weapon in any situation - to cut off the conversation, and this is not good, and besides, it is not always possible.

REASON #6. Sometimes we get angry to hide our weakness. Why do chronically ill or elderly people often lose their temper? They think: I am old, weak, they ignore me, no one needs me ...

Decision. Try to explain your feelings to other people without being embarrassed. It is important that others begin to understand you better. Then they will be more willing to cooperate. In addition, you should think about your inferiority complex and increase self-esteem. Remind yourself often of your uniqueness, of your strengths; make a list of them on a piece of paper and look at it from time to time.

REASON #7. Sometimes causes of anger are purely physical in nature, such as being hungry or not getting enough sleep.

Decision. It is best if we eat little but often (4-5 times a day). If you feel that you are chronically sleep deprived and irritated because of this, it may be worthwhile to reduce work for a while and take a good rest, so that later you can get back to work with renewed vigor.

Third step

TIME AND THOUGHTS

After finding out the reasons for your anger and finding the logic, use the two main treasures: Time and Thoughts.

We, unlike the already mentioned match, have brains. The problem is that in difficult situation we do not have enough time to use them. After all, even in order to simply ask ourselves the question: “Is it better if I get angry?”, We need some time. The whole problem with anger is that it doesn't give us that time: as soon as something happens, bang! We explode. In this case, a simple advice can help: wait, postpone your reaction for a day. You can’t for a day, wait at least an hour, at least one minute. Drink a glass of water, take two or three deep breaths and exhale, and only then proceed to solve the problem. If the letter that came to you caused irritation, do not answer it on the same day. Wait until tomorrow.

In fact, it is not situations (something external, beyond our control) that lead to anger, but our own thoughts. No, even the most outrageous situation will cause me anger until I start thinking about it. And this means that the victory over anger is always in our hands and only in our hands!

Anger is much easier to overcome if you catch its inception even before it manifests itself. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, we notice our anger when we've already yelled, slammed a door, or smashed a plate. But in time it's too late to fix anything. That is why it is so important to be very sensitive to your internal state. How?

My advice: do everything you do consciously. Let's say you're just walking, but do it consciously: feel how your arms and legs move, how you breathe, what you feel. You shower, eat breakfast, drive to work... do it all consciously. This practice will help you to be in touch with your emotions all the time. You'll notice, yes, anger can come out now. And then it will be easy for you to prevent it.

Various relaxation and meditation techniques are very helpful in this regard. I can say from experience that it's amazing. effective way Maintaining self-control and control over one's own emotions is a Raja Yoga Brahma Kumaris meditation that I have been practicing for decades. The experience of a doctor and just a person convinces me that this system of meditation has a significant healing effect on the body, helping to cope with stress and tension, and forming positive attitude to life.

04.12.2011, 16:47
Yuri

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