The ability to make friends, and at the next stage, the ability to love, is the driving force for everything. life path person, directing him to achieve personal harmony and happiness.

All parents dream of happiness for their child, happiness with a sign of quality - reliable, strong, long-term, or rather, indefinite. To do this, a person must feel needed.

Remember who you need, to whom you hurry with good news, and to whom with bad news? To the family, to close people. But it can be so difficult and bad that relatives will not be able to take on too heavy a load, or it happens that it’s bad in the family itself, and support outside the family is needed. Surely there is a person in whom you are in dire need. Yes, and moments of joy with whom you want to share, and success, and relaxation, cheerful and sad mood. Of course, with a friend, with the one with whom they shared grades from youth - one deuce for two or one for two absenteeism, secrets from parents and teachers, love victories and defeats.

Surely you would like your child to have such a friendly shoulder in life.

But only that person can count on devoted friendship who is himself capable of the same, who himself can substitute a reliable shoulder for a friend.

And this does not happen at all according to the principle “you - to me, I - to you” - after all, these are not commercial relations: you can be on different material steps, and even change the height of these steps. Such relationships are built on the principles of trust, confidence in their sincerity, and therefore persist throughout life, regardless of the ups and downs, the amount of income or the scale of fame.

Love is unrequited. Friendship is always a mutual feeling.

Main Rule true friendship reciprocity:

• Mutual trust;
• mutual assistance;
• mutual assistance;
• mutual joy;
• mutual pain.

Everyone has their own list of reciprocities, and it is as big as the place of friendship in your personal system of life values ​​and priorities.

The ability to make friends needs to be taught to a child and started from childhood, from the “age of the common sandbox”. The child will grow up, and the needs of mutual bestowal in friendship will also grow up. Therefore, learning the ability to be friends is a step-by-step continuous educational process, along with the laying of the qualities of philanthropy and altruism, with spiritual growth and moral development.

For the sake of such a goal as to teach to be friends, which means to build one of the main supporting pillars in the building of your child's happiness, it is worth working with him.

We suggest you use the tips that apply to certain stages of growing up your child.

Friends do not inflict special offenses, or rather, not friends at all inflict.

Again, let's remember a childhood friend and all the stages of your friendship lived with him: quarrels with subsequent reconciliations, random insults and forgiveness, joint meetings and events, trips and trips. There were many moments that could quarrel and separate you in different areas of life. But one meaningful quality allowed to maintain friendship at all stages of the development of your relationship. This quality was ability to yield, without which your quarrels could be irreversible. It played the role of cementing mortar in building a reliable building for your friendship.

Just as you can’t cook almost a single dish without salt, so without the ability to give in, you won’t be able to save your friendship from the inevitable misunderstandings and problematic moments of human communication, especially in children's team.

Only you can not mix two concepts: the ability to concede with compliance in everything. The rule of the golden mean should always work. There are spheres of life and self-awareness in which it is impossible to yield, if honor, dignity are affected, important moral principles are crossed. But this applies to cases from the age category high school- from 9-10 years old.

Decided on fundamental basis friendships - the ability to yield. When and how to be able to instill this quality in your child?

From that very preschool "age of the collective sandbox", where the child gains the first experience and receives the first lessons of communication between people.

The world of children is a simplified copy of the adult world of human relationships.

Here everything is clear and open, without pretense and the ability to restrain oneself, without status differences, or rather, the entire status difference comes down to the presence of a large spatula or the ability to blind a sand castle. Small problems are solved here: “whose shovel is more convenient to dig” or “what to exchange for that bucket, without which it’s impossible to build a dream castle”, but the hardest thing is to come to terms with the fact that the bucket must then be returned.

And here, in the process of solving these tiny, but momentary problems significant for the child, it is necessary to lay in his child's understanding the simplest algorithm solutions through concessions and mutual agreements. On the example of the same alien, and therefore such a desirable bucket: “he gives you a bucket, in return for which you give him what he asks” or “you take turns using the bucket, but now you are building a castle together” ...

The essence of solving the problem consists in mutual steps in the form of concessions to each other and agreements that lie in the plane of interests of both. The goal of the task was in the shoulder blade, and the result will be joint sand creativity. The child received a clear example of the fact that by giving up, and not the thing that he does not need, but the one that is needed by another, agreeing on a joint business, which means that, having given up part of this business, he acquired interesting friend.

Of course, a child who has a brother or sister will have more reasons to give in. If you have one, teach to give in, share and negotiate with your parents: do not forget to leave a piece of cake for your grandmother, play a game of your mother's choice, go first to the store, and then to the playground .... And be sure to provide the child with communication in the children's team.

When a child grows from the age of sandboxing to schoolwork, the ability to make concessions and negotiate will be needed in more, since points of intersection of interests and mutual influence on each other, there is a difference in status, in development, both intellectual and physical, and its impact on building relationships. The child is faced with the manifestation of new feelings and perceptions of the changing environment of communication. He will need to learn new rules of friendly communication.

AT lower grades study is in the sphere of priorities, according to the level of grades and other academic success, a system of relationships in the team is built.

There are reasons for envy and the emotions accompanying it, aimed not so much at academic success, but at their consequence - leadership in the classroom, authority in teachers.

Only in a couple of years will children be friends by interests, and in the younger school age they try to be friends "everyone with everyone", but they are drawn to the leaders, and the first authority is already being developed.

You must help the child figure out how to develop this very first authority, which should depend not on success, but on the skills he already knows to concede, negotiate and a whole list of new ones. SKILLS with NOT alliance:

• Don't envy;
• do not be greedy;
• do not humiliate;
• do not offend;
• do not slander.

All these seemingly negating, because of the union of not, skills are a counterbalance to truly negative feelings, which should not be allowed to take possession of oneself so much that it leads to corresponding unfriendly actions.

Some of these skills - neither to envy nor to be greedy - relate to personal feelings. And the other part may refer to collective, but rather herd, actions that can be directed at any child, including yours.

You need to convey to his mind that not participating in herd humiliation is a manifestation strong personality and a significant contribution to the formation of the personal authority of a friendly and fair person, not only in the eyes of others, but, most importantly, in their own eyes.

A child of this age shares with close experiences of all events. You can, analyzing what happened conflict situations, give him hints, what would you do in this case: support, share, donate. Help him imagine how this feels like the child with whom they shared, and the one who shared. Emphasize that it is necessary to do this without counting on a return gift or deed. The answer might be good relationship, support, but not momentary.

Children don’t know how to wait yet, they need to present evidence right away.

Encourage him for a friendly act yourself, and, most importantly, do with him as you teach.

As for envy, every child should experience it. She should try to get sick in childhood, so that without consequences for the formation of character. You can only explain with examples of your relationships in the family, with friends in whom there is no envy of material achievements and career success. Show films and introduce historical facts in which envy pushed a person to vile deeds and betrayal, to causing harm to others, and made the person himself lonely and deeply unhappy.

Adolescents 10-13 years old are already divided into groups and prefer to communicate with representatives of their own. But there is still no clearly defined permanent friendship with one or more guys. They are still fighting for primacy, but not in school anymore, they can already strive to stand out by imitating adults. bad habits, insolence. Especially boys. They are just beginning to get to know themselves, trying to put on different masks, and striving to be in a team and occupy not the last place in it.

It is difficult for the majority to resist the collective evil in the form of humiliation of outsiders, attempts to smoke, and dare. But some guys will already stand out, among them there are more girls who can always be fair, with everyone friendly and be able to say “no” to the bad deeds of the whole team.

Orient the child to the behavior of these guys, not setting them as an example, but analyzing them from the position of an adult attitude. After all, this behavior is not for every adult.

It is impossible to teach such behavior, the child must want to do it himself. You can only explain to the child the reasons for your adult respect for children with a developed sense of empathy, the ability to be fair, to support.

Invite him to analyze test situations, play them and learn through his answers to your questions. Be sure to invite him to think according to this scenario: what would I do, and how would I react to this.

So that the child feels how important it is to be confident in a person, that he will not betray even when he is in the minority, he can intercede and definitely support. These qualities are necessary for friendship, because friendship is based on trust (as the whole Earth, in the view of the ancient Indians, was based on a huge tortoise).

So, highlight:

• On the ability to be fair;
• on personal independence (the ability to say “no” to bad things);
• on the ability to empathize;
• on the ability to support;
• on confidence in a person;
• on a sense of respect.

By the way, justice also includes the ability to admit one's fault - to apologize or somehow correct one's mistakes in some other way.

The well-known, albeit hackneyed since ancient Greek times, phrase: “Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are” actually and accurately conveys the principle of choosing a person who is close in spirit and building friendly relationships with him.

Tell the child. Do it unobtrusively, using examples from life, from books. And when we are talking about his guys, do not give categorical assessments, just sort out situations with different sides, as if from inside and outside, using the method of "abstracted look of an outside observer".

It is necessary to help the child master the skill "or, as it were, from a height" in order to teach him:

• Recognize the iconic actions of a person - to distinguish signs of betrayal from pranks and pampering, systemic errors from random misunderstandings.
• Objectively, and not subjectively - only "from oneself", evaluate a person and his actions, taking into account all the prerequisites and consequences of these actions.
• Do not attach importance to non-significant, non-principal flaws in a person’s character that can be put up with.

Learning to separate the significant from the insignificant in the character and actions of a person, the child will master principles of choosing a friend and the science of building friendship:

• To be indulgent to shortcomings;
• be able to forgive random mistakes;
• highlight the dignity in a person;
• respect a person for the best that he has.

At this stage, the child must understand that a friend should not, and cannot be the same with him in the details of character, such as temperament, that a friend can be different and at the same time get along.

But in essential issues - attitudes towards life, people, goods, work, in the system of spiritual values ​​and moral attitudes, friends should not have polar differences.

You always have illustrative examples your visible difference with friends, but at the same time invisible, but only a conscious deep similarity of the inner world and life ideals.

It's already the age of alignment adult system relationships. Your circle of interests, communication is already outlined, like-minded guys are identified, from which one or more of your closest friends stand out.

Now you can’t teach, you won’t influence. As difficult as it is to read a book from the end, it is just as difficult to go through at this age all the stages of the formation of the qualities of a good friend in a person.

Now all the passed theory should be fixed in practice.

If you see an error, please highlight a piece of text and click Ctrl+Enter.

Alesya Sergeevna Chernyavskaya,
leading prevention specialist
social orphanhood public organization
"Belarusian Fund SOS-Children's Village"

So, for most parents, the life of their child seems successful and happy when a son or daughter is in a circle of friends and communicates closely with their peers. But as soon as you hear the phrases “why doesn’t my friend hang out with me”, “no one wants to be friends with me”, “I won’t go outside, I’m sad there”, a feeling of helplessness and despair arises, anger at other children, their parents and own child to the point of self-blame. After all, a kindergarten or school company is a simplified model of society and it develops the skill of relationships with others, and the reaction to a child of peers forms his idea of ​​himself and his attitude towards his personality.

At the same time, before drawing conclusions and taking active actions, it is worthwhile to figure out what the child puts into the concept of "friendship", try to understand why he cannot take the desired position in the children's team, find a friend and / or maintain relations with him. And the solution to this issue requires great delicacy.

What is friendship? Definitions for this word great multitude. But if we generalize them and apply them to the relationship between children, then friendship is close and voluntary relationship which are a source of emotional support and empathy for the child. For the first time, interest in contact with other children arises in a 2-3-year-old child who would rather share a scoop and bucket with a boy or girl he knows than with an unknown boy, give a car and a doll to a peer, and not to an adult.

Getting older kids 3-6(7) years will be friends with those who offer to play with their toys or treat them with sweets, do not talk, do not cry and do not fight. And since almost a third of preschoolers are friends with someone, the word "friend" is firmly fixed in the children's dictionary on 3-5th year of life. friendship for 3-6 year old child- this is an opportunity to visit, play together, have fun, protect from offenders and pity a friend, as well as forgive a friend and apologize to him. At the same time, almost all friendly relations during this period are built on the principle of "good for good, evil for evil."

AT 6(7)-9(10) years of age education is of great importance for children. Younger students are more likely to befriend loyal and smart peers who cheat, share school supplies, and are of the same gender as them. The child also chooses a friend and, taking into account the geographical principle, sits at the same desk with him, attends the same circles or lives nearby. Friendship is rather perceived by schoolchildren as mutually beneficial cooperation that does not require understanding and acceptance of the interests of their friend. At the same time, almost all boys build business-to-subject relationships with each other, and girls attach special importance to interpersonal trusting contacts. Despite the fact that 80-90% of children have friends and the bonds of friendship are very strong, they usually do not last.

It should be noted that by the end of the primary school (8-10 years old) children have the concept of obligation to each other, they begin to realize and take into account the feelings of the other, building friendship on positions of mutual assistance. Therefore, the interruption of friendly relations, for example, in connection with the transfer to another school, is perceived by the child painfully, up to experiencing a feeling of real loss and grief. True, until such time as he finds new friends. Sometimes friendships are terminated due to the appearance of other interests, as a result of which children turn to new comrades who can satisfy their needs. During this period, according to researchers, the presence of even a single close friend helps the child overcome Negative influence hostility from other children.

Note that the real friendship of adolescents is very complex and controversial phenomenon. At one time, mutual support, joint pastime and mutual trust may appear, and at another - sovereignty, rivalry and even conflict. This is largely due to the fact that a teenager is looking for his individuality, seeks to satisfy his emotional and psychological needs. As a result trusting relationship arise with him with several children, which makes the participants in a friendly union both dependent and autonomous from each other.

Compared to younger students, teenager the importance of direct everyday contacts with a friend decreases, but the role of sympathy and understanding in relationships increases significantly. According to him, a friend is an ideal person, embodying all the best and for which you can even make a sacrifice. In addition, adolescents are especially characterized by a phenomenon that has received the name “expectation of communication” in psychology. Its essence is that the child is constantly in search of communication and is always open for contact. Therefore, if it is not possible to be friends with those with whom you want, or as a result of some kind of conflict, there is a cooling in the relationship, a teenager can go to random connections just to not be left alone.

Typical manifestation Friendly psychotherapy is face-to-face and telephone communication. Such communication takes about 3-4 hours on weekdays and up to 9 hours on weekends. Despite the fact that, according to many parents, this is a conversation, as it were, “about nothing,” psychologically it is more important than any meaningful conversation in given age. However, the boundless openness, frankness and trust of these relations often bring negative consequences. At the time of a quarrel, in order to hurt the other more, former comrades can tell others the most cherished secrets of their friend.

In youthful friendship, gender differences are also clearly manifested. Girls are more emotional and intimate in their relationships. They have fewer close girlfriends than boys, and they prefer to meet each of them individually, rather than all at once. In addition, if the main friend for a young man is a peer of the same sex with him, then for a girl the ideal friend is a young man older than her in age. That is, for high school students, the word "friendship" used to describe relationships is often only a veiled name for emerging love.

Despite the fact that the features of children's friendship have been studied quite deeply, parents should always take into account that each child is formed in his own way. This is not only related to the properties nervous system, temperament, but also with the conditions of development, which give uniqueness to the age-related manifestations common to all. However, at any age from 3-4 years, for a child, the importance of contacts with friends is invaluable. That is why Parents should take responsibility and take active action if a child:

. complains about the lack of friends and the unwillingness of peers to communicate with him;

Reluctantly goes or rejoices at any opportunity not to go to kindergarten, school or a circle;

He does not tell anything about classmates and friends he met, for example, on the street or in the sports section;

He does not want to call anyone, invite him to visit, or no one calls him and does not invite him to his place;

All day long, alone, he does something at home (reads, plays computer games, watching TV, etc.).

Before intervening in the situation and helping the child solve the problem, parents should understand the causes of this disharmony as soon as possible. Psychologists have long noticed that the better a child's relationship with his parents, the easier it is for him to find a common language with peers. Therefore, violations in the field of family education often have negative influence on the ability of the child to establish friendly contacts. Excessive guardianship of children by parents, forced restriction of the child's communication with other children, a ban on inviting friends to the house, the lack of conditions for the child's self-affirmation and the denial of his right to act independently can lead to psychological unpreparedness to communicate with peers.

The child may also have problems making friends in connection with personal (heightened emotionality, isolation and shyness) and external features(excessive obesity, unpleasant facial features, developmental features). And since the children's company is a rather cruel community, those who are unable to fit into the group are ruthlessly expelled.

The reason that a child cannot find a friend or maintain a relationship with him is often associated with the fact that modern children often play alone and often with a computer. As a result, both boys and girls do not know simple ways acquaintances, cannot show complicity and empathy, express support for their friend, which, together with the “inability” to speak with peers in their language, leads to the rejection of the child from peers. Further, due to dissatisfaction in communication, he becomes aggressive, he can hide his problems under bravado or buffoonery, or withdraw into himself and become depressed.

It should be noted that not always the child and his parents are to blame for the fact that certain children cannot find a friend in a new team. Sometimes the mechanisms of mutual likes and dislikes, still little studied by psychologists, work. So, some children are extremely attractive to peers, while others, no worse than them, are not. Some experts suggest that the basis of selectivity is the ability of children in demand to satisfy as much as possible social needs their peers.

Having determined the cause of the problem that has arisen, it is necessary to calmly and unobtrusively begin to correct the situation, adhering to the following rules:

1. Give the child the opportunity to communicate with friends and his peers. For example, to interest in classes or sections, go to visit those families where there are children, invite neighbors of the same age home, arrange children's parties.

2. Provide children with the opportunity to act independently, show initiative and their abilities.

3. Help your child put up with friends and strive to learn as much as possible about them.

4. Try to spend quality time with the child, for example, play, have fun, play pranks, as if on an equal footing.

5. Teach your child to speak openly and calmly own opinion, to prove it without raising your voice, without tantrums and resentment.

Initially, the child, upset and faced with something unfamiliar, unexpected and frightening due to lack of friends, should be given emotional support. Often, each parent does what they can, because no one has a perfect solution. The most important thing is that in a difficult situation something will be said and often special significance has no idea what the words will be. For a child, the main thing is that the words be spoken, his “sadness” speaks and moves from the category of “tragedy” to a less painful level.

It is important for a son or daughter of any age to feel that a loving adult is ready to listen to him, recognizes him as a trustworthy person, shares his grief, is ready to help and support. “I see you are sad (angry, afraid, offended). It's really a shame - when the guys do not take to the game (to hear ridicule, to be always alone at breaks, etc.) You would like your relationship with the guys in the class to develop differently.

Variants of words that parents will pronounce may be different. But there are basic points that children need to hear. Firstly, if a friend “does not hang out” with him (her), then this does not mean at all that he / she is not worthy of love. Secondly, whatever he/she may be, it is impossible to be loved by everyone without exception. Thirdly, he/she also accepts someone as a friend and ignores someone. Fourth, joint analysis possible causes conflict. Maybe he/she reminds his friend of someone he/she doesn't like, or he/she did something without wanting to displease the friend. And finally, it is important to make it clear to the child that in any case, the light did not converge on this friend. It is worth thinking with your son or daughter who he / she could count on in his class, who could become a new friend and where to find him.

In addition to providing support to a child in a difficult situation, it is necessary close attention pay attention to the system of relationships between adult family members, as well as the practiced methods of education. Most parents today live too stressful lives, and they simply do not have the strength to communicate normally with their child. They are required to cope well with all their many responsibilities: this includes family, and career, and much more. Therefore, many parents do not have the energy, patience and desire to do whatever is required. And when something is missing, that "something" is almost always the life of the family.

However, the main thing is right direction education. Children need live communication with their parents, because it is during direct contact that a son or daughter gains self-confidence, forms their own identity and life values. So, giving confidential communication 10 minutes in the morning and one hour in the evening, you can get a miracle. It is also important to spend leisure time together, because growing children are more behaviorally oriented than words. Therefore, among the memories of adults about the happiest childhood minutes, mostly moments are mentioned. close proximity with parents, for example, during a family trip or a ski trip in the forest. And rarely does anyone remember the gifts and privileges that were received.

It is also important to calm down and stop overly caring and worrying about the child, unquestioningly fulfill any of his desires and agree with the rules of the game proposed by him. This style of relationship will allow children to learn to solve many emerging problems on their own, cope with their own selfishness and play together with other boys and girls under the guidance of others.

Will help the child to build relationships with other children and systematic receptions at home of friends of parents, conversations with a son or daughter on various themes. For example, conversations about childhood friends of mom and dad: about how they met, how they were friends, what they played, what tricks they did, and even how they quarreled and put up. Thanks to such stories, you can show your child without moralizing that being friends is great. A useful lesson for children will be the interested attitude of parents towards their friends and girlfriends. To do this, it is necessary to start talking with your son or daughter more often about his comrades, to express positive attitude to them, for example: “How is your friend Andrei? He is so kind and funny (or smart and quick-witted, loyal and reliable, honest and considerate)!”.

Changing parental settings, you should work with the child in parallel. The preschool period is especially important for acquiring dating skills and maintaining friendships. Young children, and especially shy ones, need to be taught to get acquainted with the help of his favorite toys. So, a bunny (which the child plays for) is sitting in the sandbox, and a bear (one of the parents plays its role) wants to get to know him. Thus, it is possible to play out behaviors during an acquaintance: how to approach, what and how to say, depending on the situation. Moreover, roles should be changed, constantly complicating and modifying the conditions, for example, the child you are trying to get to know refused, got offended, angry, climbed into a fight, etc. With the help of toys, you can also teach the baby to behave correctly in a given situation (I want to ride on a swing, but the other child does not), correct some of the difficulties in his behavior.

With preschoolers, it is appropriate to recall situations from your favorite animated films. So, Little Raccoon helped to make friends with "the one who was sitting in the pond" his smile (the cartoon "Baby Raccoon" based on the fairy tale by Lillian Moore), and most best friend turned out to be not the one who is the most, but the one who came to the rescue in trouble (the cartoon "The Most big friend based on the fairy tale by Sofia Prokofieva). The stories of V. Suteev can also be instructive, for example, “A Bag of Apples”, stories about Crocodile Gena, Pinocchio, etc.

An authoritative adult can also help a child of 3-6 years old, who does not even know how to communicate, to enter the company of children. Preschoolers automatically determine even the veiled dislike or sympathy of the educator for this or that child. Therefore, by showing a certain disposition and favor to the rejected baby, you can introduce him to the game team. The task of adults during this period is to teach the child: a) to respect the interests of others, for example, to ask permission from the owner of the toy before taking it; b) refuse someone with whom you do not want to be friends; c) seek friendship without "bribery" of the desired comrade.

It is important for every parent to know that it is never too late to try to change the negative perception of their son or daughter by their peers. Adult family members can help junior schoolchildren and teenagers to raise their status in the eyes of their peers, if there are:

. give children the opportunity to play or chat or celebrate something at home (with the condition that the room or apartment will then be cleaned);

Allocate a son or daughter, for example, a few extra sweets for school friends;

Make small gifts for friends with your child on the eve of the holidays ( New Year, February 23, March 8);

To strive as rarely as possible unexpectedly for the child to change his living conditions and social circle.

Moms and dads need a special skill when their children have problems with friendly contacts in adolescence. Often in this situation, friendships and love relationships are intertwined, and parents are “between a rock and a hard place”, performing a controversial role. On the one hand, they should take the position of an outside calm observer, and on the other hand, they should be open to contact, ready to actively listen to them at any time of the day.

Summing up, we note that, despite the statements of some researchers about the surface of friendly relations in modern society, about the absence of ideal and deep friendship, about the displacement of true friendly communication by wide friendship companies based on the community of entertainment, the presence of true friends is still significant for children and adults. True, if earlier communication between peers developed as if by itself and did not require the intervention of an adult, today children need to be specially taught. But the main thing is to start by teaching your child to be a devoted and reliable friend.

Responsible Anna Harutyunyan, counseling psychologist:

If the child is not friends with anyone, there is no need to arrange a tragedy. From birth, all children are different in character and temperament. It happens that a child with himself is quite normal and not bored. It's the same with adults, after all. Some are more people oriented active life in society, and if the phone does not ring for two hours, a person already begins to worry - why is it that nobody needs him. And someone needs such communication less, and he does not suffer at all from the absence of close friends. So are children. It is easier for someone to communicate on the Internet, and meet two or three times a year. And other teenagers and the day can not do without meeting with classmates outside of school. Approach the question intelligently. It is not necessary to impose and forcibly cultivate friendship. But if it is clear that the child is drawn to other children and wants to make friends, but is shy, afraid, then it is better to teach them quietly. How to do it?

Help your teen build relationships with peers. In no case do not sharply criticize the child’s friends or girlfriends if you don’t like them in some way (“he is a bully”, “you will still cry from him”, etc.). And don't stop making friends! You can express your point of view, but do not impose it on the child.

Parents need to understand: adolescence Children really need to communicate with their peers. Yes, they may not bring classmates home and not walk together in the yard, but they can be friends at school, communicate on social networks. Communicating with each other, teenagers answer the most important questions for their age. What is the world? How is it arranged? And who am I in this world? Where do I stand in relation to others? What am I standing for? And this understanding comes only through communication and friendship. There are difficult situations when for some reason peers do not accept a child, or even worse, he becomes an object of harassment. You need to figure out what he is doing wrong, why they do not want to communicate with him. The advice here is universal - communicate more with the child, talk, delve into his needs, desires and experiences, make it clear that you are always ready to help.

Start teaching peer interaction as early as possible, right “from the age of the sandbox.” Of course, you should not force a 2-year-old baby to be friends with other children. At this age, children are not yet able to play together, they play side by side. You can offer to exchange toys (“you give the girl a mold, and she gives you a scoop, and then we will exchange”). At around age 5, children begin to learn role-playing games such as mother-daughter, shop, etc. Adults can offer a game, teach new game, to help distribute roles and come up with new ones.

Learn to be friends by example. If it is customary in the family to invite guests home, if mom-dad has friends, families with children with whom they often spend time together, then their children will imagine that such communication exists. It is not at all necessary that they adult life copy this type of behavior. But at least they will have a choice.

Develop your child's emotional intelligence, that is, the ability to understand the feelings and emotions, intentions, desires of others, as well as their own, the ability to manage their emotions and the emotions of other people to solve practical problems. It is pointless to develop only the brain, pure intellect, if a person is not in harmony with himself, his inner world. Moreover, there is psychological theories, explaining why people become successful in their careers and in life, if, say, traditional tests do not show the presence of high intelligence. Just because people with high emotional intelligence are able to correctly assess the situation and intuitively capture the desires and needs of other people, understand their strengths and weak sides, do not succumb to stress, do not depend on the opinions of others and be charming to everyone. And to learn all this, again, is possible only in the process of interaction, communication and friendship.

Reduce if possible teaching load so that the child has time to play and make friends with other children. Unfortunately, the realities of our time are such that a child often does not have time for elementary communication with peers. From kindergarten, parents have been trying to send their child to all kinds of educational trainings - he goes to English, Chinese, chess, plus aerobics and swimming with drawing. Do you think it's all you need? Maybe limit yourself to just one?

Life is unpredictable, anything can happen in it, but eternal human values ​​make it possible to overcome even the most difficult times. Therefore, it is very important to lay the foundations of spiritual education in your children, to explain to them what love, kindness, honesty, friendship, care, mutual assistance, and faith are. If these values ​​are recognized in the family, they are also present in the worldview of the child, helping to protect him from many mistakes.

Skill is one of the most pleasant and necessary. Comrades help to understand oneself, to cope with difficulties, not to get lost in it. wide world, with them more interesting and more fun.

Unfortunately, many modern parents ask questions about childhood friendships when their son or daughter has difficulty communicating with peers. For example, if a boy constantly clashes at school, or, being surprised to find that their 12-year-old girl does not know how to get along with people at all. Let us consider in more detail how and when a child develops the ability to make friends and what to do if relations with peers do not work out for him.

Man is a social being and therefore the ability to cooperate is born with him. Friendship is based on sympathy. The baby still does not know how to really interact with other people, but he is already able to show his disposition or dislike for someone around him. In the question of how to teach children to make friends and communicate, there are three important aspects. Let's consider each of them in detail.

The influence of family on the ability to make friends

From birth, the child learns the mechanisms of behavior in the family. He, copying his parents, learns to walk, eat, talk, dress. Similarly, the baby learns social skills. Looking at mom and dad and other close relatives, the child gets an idea of ​​what it means to care, make friends, resolve conflict situations, cooperate, and overcome difficulties.

If parents lead active image life, communicate with people, receive guests, travel a lot and include a child in all their activities, then sociability is “in his blood”.

Usually, such children communicate confidently with people of any age, easily find a common language and make new acquaintances. Therefore, we can safely say that a personal example is the easiest way to teach your child to be friends.

The answer to the question of how to teach a child to be friends with other children can also be the presence of brothers or sisters. As a rule, those people in whose family there were several siblings close in age are more sociable, able to give in and share. And in the event that children are of different sexes, then in the future it will be much easier for them to find a common language with representatives of a different gender.

When it is customary in a family to talk to each other, including children, share experiences, discuss business, spend time together, then in the life of their offspring there are no particular difficulties when interacting with people. And it is these family traditions that determine how deep attachments are formed in the life of the child in the future.

Expanding Social Experience

It is important that friendship between children is encouraged by parents from an early age. Communicating, the baby learns to establish contacts, negotiate, get acquainted, share, protect himself, defend his borders, and resolve conflict situations. And the friendship of a boy and a girl, among other things, contributes to the gender-role identification of the child. All these skills are necessary in the life of every person.

The task of parents is to observe the behavior of their son or daughter when communicating with other children and gently guide him. Even when the baby begins to interact with peers on the playground, wise mothers and fathers patiently explain how to get acquainted, how to ask for a toy, why you can’t take away and touch someone else’s without permission. If the child does not yet know how to talk on his own, they do it with him.

AT early age children are capable of direct and sincere manifestation sympathy. It's great to just walk up to someone you like, play together, and make friends in the process! Toddlers are alien to conventions. At no other age will the friendship between a boy and a girl be so carefree. This first germ of communication is priceless.

In cases where parents of preschoolers try to keep them from communicating with their peers, arguing that young children often get sick, they simply deprive the child of the opportunity to get their own social experience in time. How older age, in which the offspring begins to contact with peers, the more difficult communication skills are formed.

In the same way, when a parent forbids his child to communicate with those who allegedly “teach bad things”, he closes the opportunity for him self-selection values ​​and guidelines.

Purposeful education of friendly qualities

It is useful for parents to talk with children about what friendship is and how it can be. For clarity, it is good to practice in the family watching cartoons and films together, reading books. At the same time, it is necessary to discuss the behavior of the characters with the child: how a friend acts, and how he should not behave. It is important to understand the concepts: honesty, mutual assistance, trust, care.

To consolidate friendly qualities in the character of a child, they need to be encouraged in his behavior, including in communication with loved ones, brothers, sisters, and even with a pet.

There are many children's works through which the theme of friendship runs like a red thread, both Soviet and modern. It is important for parents to catch this thread and focus the attention of the child on it.

Friendship Cartoons:

• Masha and the Bear
• Cheburashka
• Cat Leopold
• Winnie the Pooh
• Fixies
• Brownie Kuzya
• Kid and Carlson
• Once upon a time there was a dog
• Kitten Woof

Films about friendship:

• Adventures of Petrov and Vasechkin
• The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn
• Pollyanna
• Giant
• The road home: an incredible adventure
• Castle in Spain
• Timur and his team
• Pippi Longstocking

Books and stories about friendship:

• N. Nosov "The Adventures of a Dunno and His Friends", "Vitya Maleev at School and at Home" and many other stories.
• A. Lingren "Baby and Carlson"
• V. Medvedev "Barankin, be a man"
• A. Amraeva "Football field"
• M. Celik "Friendship must be earned"
• A series of short stories by A. Lobel "Kwak and Toad"

At an older age, classics such as The Three Musketeers, Two Comrades, Jane Eyre, Two Captains, Three Men in a Boat, not counting the dog, and many others will be added to books and films about friendship.

If difficulties arise

What should parents do if the child has not received the experience of communication in a timely manner? If relationships with peers do not add up? If a individual characteristics their son or daughter - anxiety, aggressiveness, isolation, tearfulness, resentment - prevent communication with other people? In this case, there are several solutions.

Firstly, it is never too late to start encouraging friendship between children, talking to the child, expanding the scope of his communication and watching films about friendship with him, that is, using the three methods discussed above. It is important to understand that the older children become, the more subtle and careful parents have to act and the more likely they will encounter resistance from their son or daughter. In this case, the gradualness and voluntary consent of the child is important.

Secondly, if a child has really serious difficulties in communicating with other children, it is worth seeking help from specialists: consult with school psychologist enroll your child in classes to develop communication skills. This option is much better and more humane than hoping that he will grow up and figure everything out on his own.

Is it worth explaining that the most faithful friends accompany a person from childhood. The adventures, pranks, and hardships experienced together in adolescence are the glue that maintains people's relationships throughout their lives. Not to mention the fact that childhood friendship between a girl and a boy often results in a strong relationship. family union. Most adults admit that they made friends in school and youth. Very few people establish close comradely relationships over the age of 30, since in these years a person is focused on family, career, raising children, maintaining health. And this is another good reason in order to start developing the ability to make friends in the child as early as possible.